‘ i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened. ’
Peter frowns, he hates it too. He hates that so many people see Lance Alver as trash, a pot head and mutant scum and treats him accordingly. He hates that no one sees the beautiful man he does, or if they do see it they choose to do nothing. He hates Lances foster parents for abusing him, and his teachers for not helping, and he hates all the nights he stayed up with Lance and held him as he cried -silently, always silently, the worst kind of crying. He hates the judges that sent him to prison for defending himself and the guards who tortured him there. He hates the people who ruined parts of him and then tried to put him back together in ways he just didn’t fit.
He also feels the same way and on the days where he can muster enough self confidence to manage pitying himself Peter hates the people that ruined parts of HIM. Norman Osborn who ruined his normality, his friendships, who tried to ruin him in the worst ways possible. Flash, who though now a changed man, assured that he would never go a day without remembering how worthless he was and how no one would miss him if he just vanished. (Somewhere, he knows that last bit isn’t true but it was a lesson engrained into him every day from the first day of seventh grade up until high school graduation, it’s hard not to take a little bit of that to heart.) Even Jameson on his darker days, who assured that Spiderman, the one good thing Peter has done, would forever remain an outcast.
He hates it too, but somehow can’t find the right words to say it. Not without sounding cheap and insincere. So he instead leans up (and yes, gets on tiptoes, someone needs to make Lance Alver shorter goddammit.) -and presses a kiss to the corner of Lance’s mouth, as if that could make all the bad things go away. And then there’s a kiss to his cheek, his jaw, the tip of his nose, every place that Peter could reach.
He’s going to kiss all the bad away if it KILLS him.
“Me too.” He finally says, after he’s done pressing a long kiss to Lance’s throat, right where the shock collar used to sit. He gives him another kiss there just for good measure, that spot’s extra bad. “I hate it so much, but we can’t fixate on that hate or it will consume us. Let’s focus on the good things.” He interlaces their fingers. “Like how we’re both here, we’re both alive, and it’s a beautiful night. We could go outside and stargaze if we wanted.”
We can do anything if we wanted.
