#this got like

[garnetislovegarnetislife]

What’s on the Menu?

[upsides]

an unlikely sort of friendship . electric-hum quiet congeals between it and stacks of dust-swept records, the sort of hush that never quite belongs in the belly of the WSQK 94.9 after hours. an accidental sanctum made , carved out of cheap linoleum and old vinyl. the on air placard, long since extinguished. eddie exists there in the middle of this mausoleum of sound , some errant constellation stitched out of denim and unease and incomprehensible insult of existing in a place that believed him to be a monstrous thing. rather, still does.

observe: .. his silhouette flickers as though unstable, a figure whose atoms have forgotten the choreography of remaining still. the board before him, a leviathan of knobs, sliders and dead bulbs watches with unblinking devotion. and into this, one robin buckley speaks. selfishly.. i hope you stay. @rawkinrobin not loudly nor with any sort of flourish, just enough to cleave the room in clean two.

and that sentence of hers detonates without sound, a bloom of meaning that ricochets off the soundproofing. it lands where the world has been scraped thin: the place where he's tucked the word murderer , the place where hawkins has carved its thesis into his bones. robin, a captain of quips, harbinger of cutting commentary now stands in the quiet of the squawk offering something fragile.

he laughs. or at least attempts to. it's half incredulous and half doubtful, thumb worrying at the fraying duct tape on the arm of the rolling chair, peeling and re-peeling a strip. “  is that a legitimate, unironic, emotional statement from rockin' robin buckley ? ” he swivels a little, twirling to meet her face to face. “  call scotland yard. ”

his fingers drum relentlessly against the chair : rat-a-tat-tat. softens, “  i dun'no, man. i'm not sayin' i'm packin' my bags tonight. i just .. ” a falter so minute it might be mistaken for a static hitch. exhales through his nose, long and uneven. his gaze breaks toward the empty booth window as though someone may be watching. a boot scuffs at the floor, shifting gravel-dry dust and shrugs one shoulder. chrissy is dead, the upside down locked down. and yet, it's still not enough. “  it's a limbo. hawkins carved some bullshit kind of headline. y'know. murdering freakshow. facts don't matter. so ..yeah, it's kind of tough shit to settle back in with that fan club. ” the familiar quake of a boy who has never once been invited to stay without calculating the exits. his throat is lodged with shrapnel beneath the sternum. a tremor running the faultline between fight and flight , because eddie's a quiet cataclysm. town pariah, headline villain.

[undermattsun-archive]

fuck all of u how could u let me forget aone and hirugami r mb’s

[captainchokchok]

So I don’t know if anyone will be able to help me, but, I need some help lmao. How do you work towards getting over someone?

The reason I’m asking is because there’s this guy that I have feelings for, and it’s not good. Every time I start to think I’m forgetting about him, or like, losing my feelings for him, something will remind me of how much I like him, and how much I miss all the fun that we had together. And then I just get into a state where I can’t stop thinking about him and how awesome it was and how I wish I could just go back in time to make it so everything that happened, didn’t. I am unsure if I’m in love with him, I’m not even sure I like him romantically, at least, not anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love, but with all the stuff I hear about love, that’s definitely how I felt, and still feel in a way. But yeah. We were only friends, nothing more. I don’t know if he thought of me as a best friend, but he was definitely one of mine. I have a pretty difficult time talking to people, about anything, but with him it was just really easy. And when I was with him, I felt safe, and I was happy, in fact, some of my happiest memories were with him. 

But things got rough, at some point. Without getting into too much detail, I’m a pretty clingy person, so when I get attached to someone all I want to do is spend time with them, and he was a pretty solitary person who liked to be alone for the most part. So at some point, towards the end of our friendship, I pushed a bit too far. And it upset him, and it made him shut himself away for a few days. Eventually he and I talked through it and we were good again. But then, I decided to make the mistake of telling him my feelings towards him. I knew it probably wouldn’t go over very well, but I didn’t think it’d be as bad as it was. He was raised in a pretty conservative household so when I came out to him he said he couldn’t understand and all that bull crap and that he’d still accept me for who I am but he wouldn’t change his mind about how he feels about gay people. I don’t know, I forget some of it. But that should have been a warning sign. Anyways, after I told him my feelings for him, he told me that he’d have to think about still being friends and eventually he made the decision that we couldn’t. Eventually, he sent me a message he probably regrets wishing me the best in my future and stuff and I said the same but then I got to thinking and I needed to tell him things and I needed answers. So I asked him if we could talk and he said no because he wasn’t up for a “big conversation” and I accepted that and asked if a text would be more comfortable with him. He said yes so I poured my heart out and just said a lot more than I probably should have, but I just needed to get it all out there, and try to explain things to him. I forget what he said after that but it was a short reply. After that, a few weeks later, I poured my heart out to him once again and was again met with a short reply. Then, another few weeks later, I fell into the cycle again and I needed to talk to him but I was very hesitant because I promised last time that I wouldn’t make any effort to reach out to him. And then I did. And I don’t know if he did it for me, to try and make it to get easier to over him, or if he did it because he was really upset with me, but he told me he was going to block my number. And so he did. And now I am here again, falling into the cycle. And it sucks this time. Because previously, I just kept thinking of him as this perfect person who had not faults. But after talking through my feelings and what happened with some people, they pointed things out that made me realize he was a pretty shitty person in reality. But there’s this weird confliction my mind, the part of me that says he’s still this amazing person and the part of me that realizes he’s not the best, and that he’s done some pretty bad things to me. And I feel like the part of me that believes in the good in him is winning. 

Throughout our friendship, he did a lot of things, things that made me believe he might like me back. I wouldn’t say that he lead me on, because I don’t think he realized he was even doing them. But he told me when I confessed my feelings that he already knew I liked him, the whole time. And that’s what confuses me. Because he did these things that made me just fall, further and further into my feelings for him. And I just need answers. I don’t know if I’m a shitty person for believing that he might have feelings for me, even though he is straight. I thought maybe there’s just some internalized hatred in there, and that maybe he couldn’t accept his own feelings and that’s why he didn’t want to be my friend anymore. But I also know that that’s probably not true, and that the reality is he was probably uncomfortable enough with the fact that I’m gay, and the fact that my feelings for him existed, it just made him even more uncomfortable to just leave it be.

Overall, I just want answers. I want to talk to him again. Throughout all of this, I poured my feelings out multiple times, but he never really gave my an inkling of what he felt. So I want to just pour my feelings out one last time, and I want him to pour out whatever feelings he may have about the situation to me. I don’t care if it’s hatred or anger or if he misses me or anything else it could be, I just want answers. And I know it’s a bad idea, but I asked a mutual friend if he’d be able to talk to him. And see if he could convince him to talk to me one last time. 

So, yeah. Regardless of whether I get to talk to him again, I just feel as though I need a way to get over him. I don’t really know how. Trying to forget about it and move on isn’t working because I just bring back memories and it makes me wallow in my own feelings over and over. And then the rationalization that he isn’t the most amazing person ever isn’t working either, I am going to continue trying, but I think I’ll be able to still accept it and just keep going with these feelings. I don’t know. I just need some way to get this over with.

[abyssal-narration]

So I started rewatching Yu Yu Hakusho, and I wrote a thing

Not a story, mind, but a thing.

Kay so I've been rewatching Yu Yu Hakusho and I'm up to episode 38 as of the moment I'm typing this (I'll probably be further once I actually get to posting, since I am a procrastinator and a slacker). When I started rewatching this, "wow" is all I could say. The animation, the voice acting (I saw it in dub years ago on Toonami - episode 15: Kurama vs. Genbu - and then I never saw another episode until I watched all of it online), the cheesy and amusing lines... What a nostalgia bomb!

So I'm going to put the rest of this under a read more (which means, of course, that nobody is going to read it OTL even though I spent about half an hour or so typing it) because I don't want to annoy anybody. You could consider it a review of sorts.

First off, the voice acting. It's not the best I've ever heard (it definitely doesn't live up to Baccano!, Darker than BLACK, or Samurai Champloo), but it grows on you. And while Kurama and Hiei are my favorite characters, and while I absolutely adore Chuck Huber's role as Hiei, I think my favorite so far has to be Yusuke's. By far I feel like his voice is the most expressive. (though now that I've experienced more anime, going back and hearing Eric Vale as Sakyo and Jerry Jewell as Jin makes me laugh; I always loved Jin's voice and accent, and now I compare that voice to Russia's immediately)

Secondly there's Kuwabara. I hated this boy when I first watched this show, and now that I'm rewatching it, I know why: because he isn't pretty. Because his voice isn't attractive.

...yeah I feel guilty about that. As I rewatched, Kuwabara immediately leaped from near the bottom of my "Characters I Like in this Show" list to near the top. While he may not have the prettiest face or the best voice around (it's an appropriate voice, and well done...just not pleasant for me to listen to), he definitely has one of my favorite personalities on this show.

Also when I watched this for the first time, I took notice of how interested Yusuke and Kuwabara were in other women, especially when it came to Ruka and the female/male member of the Demon Triade. I thought it was just them being perverts. Now that I'm 18 (ALMOST 19 HELL YES), and more mature, I can recognize that they are fourteen years old. They are allowed to be little perverts. It doesn't bother me; rather, it amuses me.

My love for Kuwabara's siter, Shizuru, has not changed a bit, though I can actually put words to why I like her now. I love her Deadpan Snarker tendencies, and how she has this constant air of "I really don't give a damn" when it comes to her brother, but in reality actually cares about him a great deal.

Keiko is another story. No, I don't dislike her (not hate. Dislike) because she's Yusuke's canonical girlfriend and I want to pair Yusuke with a guy because HAWT YAOIZ FTW!! (this is a point I will get to later) I dislike Keiko because, to me, as of episode 38, seems inconsistent. Maybe I'll change my tune later in the show, but as of right now, her personality baffles me. I don't know how to explain it, either. She...doesn't follow rules. I know she wants Yusuke to help in the Demon Tournament (Kurama vs. Bakken, anyone?) but it just doesn't seem like it's sunk in that Yusuke does have to follow the rules. It's not a large nit-pick or anything. I just happen to like Shizuru and Botan more.

I also like Yusuke a lot more this time around as well. I feel horrible when I recognize that Hiei and Kurama were only my favorites on my first watch through because I was looking at how attractive they are. They still are the best-looking characters in the show, in my opinion. But Yusuke's personality is coming clearer to me now. His dedication, determination, and willingness to help his friends is something that seems to be a key trait in most shounen action (or maybe just in shounen...) protagonists.

But I like how Yusuke displays these traits more than others. He's the star of the show, and while he may not often be seen doing things a normal fourteen-year-old would do, in a way, he still has a sort of sense of being that young. Even though many of his actions make one forget that he actually is that young. I've already mentioned how I love his VA the best for how expressive it is.

Then there's Kurama. Not a lot to say about him, as my opinion hasn't really changed over the years. He's still my favorite, his voice is exactly as I remember, and I personally feel that took his VA a little bit of time to actually get into the role. I like the voice acting in the Dark Tournament much more than the acting previous. Even if there isn't that much of a difference. Now what is new to me is Kurama's sass ("Sorry. I haven't got time to be arrested."). I never actually realized how sarcastic he is. And I love it.

Hiei has moved up in my list as well (though he was always in the number 2 spot, occasionally switching to number 1 with Kurama as my mood saw fit), but this is mostly on a VA level. Since watching Yu Yu Hakusho the first time, I have come to have an appreciation for Chuck Huber.

The roles that stand out to me are Adashino from Mushishi, Ronny from Baccano! (also known as the Devil), Austria from Hetalia (while not a favorite, it has since grown on me), and especially Stein from Soul Eater.

So now, as I rewatch this show, I appreciate Hiei that much more because I adore Chuck Huber.

That takes care of the characters directly.

Now for something else that I actually only started noticing recently (thank you tumblr...again). About a week or so ago (before I began rewatching), I decided to look in the "Kurama" tag, because why not. Amidst the Kamisama Hajimemashita pictures and a few other Kuramas that I don't know, I ran across pairing pictures.

And don't get me wrong here!!

Honest!!

I'm not bashing anybody's ship! There are only two ships that I can say that I actively would start an argument with, and neither of them are from anime/manga series. I'm not saying what they are, either, because that would be a waste and not what this is for.

So the YYH-yaoi doesn't bother me.

I just don't get it.

I know the big ones for Kurama are Kurama/Hiei (height rule ftw amirite?) and Yusuke/Kurama. And believe me, I ship friends quite often, I really do, but I can't bring myself to ship anybody in this cast. I even see Yusuke/Keiko as "eh. Alright. Whatever." and don't really care about it.

This is rather odd for me because normally I believe I would ship the hell out of Kurama and Hiei, especially within the past few episodes when Kurama takes on the first two members of Team Mashou. We all know that Hiei hates everybody save for his sister, yes? But we also know that he holds respect for Kurama. Fine, that's all well and good. But when Kurama is immobilized by the body makeup and Touya comes on stage?

That's fear. That's anger. That's worry.

That doesn't happen for someone you merely respect.

Hiei thinks more of Kurama than that; I honestly believe they are close friends, and I think it shows in the little things: Kurama placing faith in Hiei during the great Yukina rescue mission, Hiei being visibly angry for Kurama's sake when Touya approaches, Kurama being able to tease Hiei without getting his face charred off...

Those all seem like indications to me.

Maybe this whole review thing was just to get to that point, I don't know.

The animation isn't great, the art isn't the exact definition of pretty, but the characters are interesting, not just cardboard cut-outs, the fights are well thought-out, clever, and unique. The plot may be nothing new, nothing we haven't all seen before in hundreds - thousands? - of other anime/manga/book/TV show/movie plots, but it's entertaining enough to keep watching anyway - a good balance between humor and action.

And this is just an end note, nothing to do with me noticing new things about the show...but I fucking love Jin in the dub. I can hardly make out what he's saying, but he sounds so happy and excited and Yusuke's just like "...wut" and Jin's all ":D" that it makes me laugh.

It also makes me unable to dislike him.