#this is satire

[topdiaz]

queerbait me once, shame on you. queerbait me for seven or eight or nine seasons? you’ve just created my favorite tv show and i’m fully convinced it’s not actually queerbait, it’s just a really slow slowburn building on the depth of the relationship in a very careful and complex way. long live storytelling

[yenayaps]

idea (do NOT fucking steal this shit) sukuna as another object:

a lamp

walk with me here, he’s a lamp, separate from the lamp shade. you buy him from some estate sale or wtv. you bring him home and a bunch of weird shit starts happening: flickering lights, random footsteps, random laughing at 3:00 am that’s somewhat charming.

and then one day, you come home. the lamp isn’t a lamp anymore, it’s sukuna, but he’s still got the lampshade on, covering his face while he ominously stands in the corner

and yeah, it takes awhile for reader to realize it, but he gets fed up with being ignored and gives us backshots

[laughter-loving-thalia]

Tips to Write Exactly Like Shannon

Line break almost every sentence. The more the book looks like a bad piece of poetry, the better.

Line break inside sentences, e.g. ”So. Much. Drama.” 

Your line breaks don't even need to be sentences, e.g. ”… … … …” (an actual quote from Stellarlune).

Overuse those ellipses. There's no punctuation symbol sexier than three periods in close succession.

Extend syllables in dialogue as much as you can, e.g. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand. This is very important to the page count plot.

Create nicknames longer than the actual names, e.g. Captain Perfectpants, Lord Hunkyhair, Lady Creepypants, Mommy Dearest. The editor gave us a page count and we're going to reach it some way or another.

Actually, you can repeat lines of dialogue in the same chapter and (almost) nobody will notice, e.g. ”How long ago did he leave?” (x2), ”Are you okay?” (x3) 

Also, repeat informations, e.g. Keefe spinning a random facet of his crystal, Keefe's crystal being blue, Keefe going to the Forbidden Cities. Readers aren't blessed with a photographic memory, they risk forgetting about the details between chapters...

What's good to do as well is the narration elaborating on lines of dialogue, e.g. ”Which is why she had to find Keefe.” One indicator that you've succeeded is if your readers completely forgot that the characters were having a discussion.

Or even better: when the narration answers to a line of dialogue without the character ever voicing it!

You can never overdose with inner monologue, by the way. You can write entire chapters happening in the head of a character and someone will still eat that shit up, even if this inner monologue has no business being so long.

Use big fonts. Have them Kindle readers press the zoom-out buttons every time they open your books.  

Use vague words and approximations, e.g. something, quite, some, few, stuff, thing-y. This is so much more clear and helpful than specific values. And so much more sexy.

Anaphoras are the best literary technique out there, you cannot overuse them, e.g. ”Every clue… Every truth…” ; ”This moment… This rare chance…”

Use the following sentence structure: -ed verb + comma + -ing verb), e.g. She glanced […], watching... ; She turned […], searching... ; She squinted […], checking... This is peak sentence structuring and will never feel redundant. Ever.

Repeat jokes and never ever create a new one once you've had like, five to eight, e.g. bacteria, fart, butt, Great Foster Oblivion, wherever you go I go, Sandor's squeeky voice, Keefe Keefe Keefe 

All caps are a-ma-zing and you should use them at least twice per chapter.

Scenes must last longer than they should, because making cuts and timeskips is outdated. We need to see all the deets of how a conversation ended.

Never kill your darling! Keep them scenes who bring nothing to the plot or world or themes or characters, e.g. Edaline-guessing-Gisela's-plan scene, Silveny scenes, Kenralie's soap opera, etc…

Your characters must argue over every little thing. They should never agree, otherwise, where's your conflict??

Tell and Never Show, e.g. ”He looked… sad.”

There must always be too many characters in one scene. Only a select few are allowed to contribute, though.

Never forget to list every character that is present in a scene. This is important for the page count plot.

Most of your sentences must start with and, but, or, maybe. What do you mean I can just make longer sentences??? Sentences can't be long.

Good news: if you struggle with physical descriptions, landscape descriptions, atmospheric descriptions then boy, do I have the perfect solution for you! Don't! Describe! Shit! One thing I really like to do is, whenever a new place is introduced but I'm too lazy to describe it, I'll say that the room is empty save for a chair or a table in the center.

[void1ng]

made nox and violet with clay and it took me the whole day 🤗 i think they look exactly like the real thing

[loucifersbitch]

americans are born with guns in our hands and you MISS????? what is this country coming to

[radqdeadpixels]

you're not ""nulltsundere"" YOU'RE JUST A TSUNDERE!!!! STOP DENYING IT YOU'RE JUST PROVING MY POINT!!!

[st4rlum1n0us]

"Theres gonna be no romance or canon ships in the digital circus!" Said gooseworx right before making gangle and zooble freak it sloppy style