#thismadenosense

[biiitchviiibes]

I realized I've been depressed for awhile. Not all the time. But depressed is definitely the feeling. I couldn't wrap my mind around what I was feeling. I just knew something was off. I've gained thirty pounds, my sleeping is abnormal, I'm snappy and off center. Even my work is starting to suffer. But I'm on my way to making a change. Realization was my needed initial step. Now to make small attainable goals. Refocus my thoughts. My environment. My body. I'll be fine.

[parisandroses]

In desperate need of chicken wings

[attemptingadventure]

I feel like a master at 30 minute farewells.

I think that it's going to hit me.  It's going to hit me someday that I'm not always going to be on this bed. In this house. With these people. People that I love, a house I rather like, and  a bed that is quite soft.  And I'm worried that someday soon that's going to hit. Like there is going to be some big change that thrusts me out into a place that isn't what I feel is right but ultimately is.  I'm homesick already because I can't pull my head out of the curtain. Keeping it backstage is getting harder, my nose poking through, perhaps a bit of light hitting it. The audience giggles.  Perhaps I need to rip down the curtain and enjoy the thoughts of future with those of now and the past and muddle them all together because I think it would be quite nice.  What doesn't help though, is writing stuff like this.  So I'm going to get up now, off of this bed, and go outside of this house I rather like to be with the people I love. 

[3ternal-impressions]

Maybe I'm totally wrong maybe you don't need my help maybe you don't even like me Maybe I'm wasting my time Maybe I don't know what I'm doing But maybe I'm right

[shewhoseeksthegreatperhaps]

Weird dream last night.

So before I tell my dream I should first say how weirdly obsessed I am with my dog, Lily. Charly too. But my dream was about Lily so I will talk about her. She is a black labradoodle and she is the greatest dog in the world. She is huge and thinks she is a lap dog and my step dad loves her more than my mom so she is always perfectly groomed and soft and smells good. So anyway, Beans (lily) is the kind of dog who will play with me and dance around the house and sing with me. Even if I just made it up and she is sleeping she will jump right up and start playing. And then there are the times where I am so sad and she will just come lay with me and kiss me, (which she rarely does even though I always ask for them.) She is extremely protective and besides my dad and friend, Joseph she hates boys. It's actually kind of funny. But anyways, last night I had a dream that there was a tornado....I dream of tornados at least 5 times a month. I am absolutely terrified of them. But usually my whole house gets ruined and my dogs are no where to be found. So last night when this tornado was coming I grabbed Lily and we went to my moms closet and we were protecting each other from this tornado. I felt my house shake and start to spin like Dorothy's did in the Wizard of Oz. But then the tornado turned into a random blonde girl who opened the closet door looking for me, she was the tornado in my dream. She is trying to decide if she should ruin my house and I was begging her not to and to not kill my dog because I loved her so much. I guess I convinced her and she left my house and talked about going off to ruin other houses. In my dream this was like a normal thing. That a woman was a tornado, or mother nature? And she decided which house survived and which house didn't. I don't understand my dream and this whole thing is a giant ramble of my love for my dog and a confusing ass dream that made no sense......who's good at analyzing dreams? Help a girl out. This is why I shouldn't smoke before I go to bed.