maybe I deserve someone better, but that was never the point.
as I grew older, I have come to a realization that love can never be enough. you can like or love someone and still accept that not everyone can reciprocate what you can give. and sometimes, you can love someone and know that they don't have the capacity to love you the way you want to be loved and that's okay.
I guess that's the beauty and cruelty of healing. you know so much, you are no longer settling for anything. you value and protect yourself because you've learned so much from everything you've been through. you love yourself enough, to choose what's best for you. because you know, that life is too short and already hard, why make it harder?
but here's the thing, at some point in our lives. our healed self will meet someone whom we're willing to break the walls we've built and ignore all the 'red flags' we saw. they would do anything to hurt us or sometimes they don't do anything at all but you just like them so much, that you're willing to give up everything just so whatever it is or whatever you have works. even though you already know deep inside, that they are not capable to love someone like you or they just simply don't feel the same way you do.
you know you deserve someone better, but maybe that isn't the point. I have read somewhere that maybe the point is you just want them, nothing else. you don't want someone better, you just want them to be better. a thought of 'why can't you just be better for me' lingers. you want to be seen, appreciated, loved, by them and no one else. but here's my take, maybe, the someone we're looking for is us — ourselves. we know we deserve better, so we need to make better decisions for us. yeah, it sucks that we can't make someone the person we want them to be but it's okay. it's not our job to mold them and teach them. you cannot change something that cannot be changed and you cannot control something that's beyond your power. our job, is to walk away in situations like this.
we will walk away not because we're not getting any younger and we need to make better and adult decisions, but also because we love ourselves enough. what do you do when you love someone? you give them what's best, you take care of them & you protect them. so you do it for yourself too. stop giving others the benefit of the doubt. once you start feeling uneasy and question everything, or you feel something is off — you walk away and never look back.
I guess the reason why our healed self meets someone like that, is our universe's way of testing us if we really learned what we need to learn before we get rewarded.
so here's to walking away, here's to better decisions.
January 6th, 2026.