“I feel deeply, but I don’t always know what to do with what I feel.”

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@watermelonthoughts
“I feel deeply, but I don’t always know what to do with what I feel.”
I really love how much I've grown in the past few years. I have learned to set boundaries and I'm now confident enough to walk away when things don't feel aligned, but sometimes I can't help but think if this is all it's going to be??? just leaving???
“I want a bond so tight that even on bad terms u still run to me 1st.”
— Unknown
And if i'm meant to be alone, please take away my desire to be loved.
k.b. // unknown
tumblr users love reading. you literally stopped for this post just because it has words in it
Dirty dishes.
I really don't like washing dishes. I am one of many people who doesn't like doing it. I dislike it so much that whenever I see it on the sink, I remind myself to use paper plates instead lol.
but after the holidays, I had a shift of perspective. I realized dirty plates show abundance — it means people are fed because there's food to share. not everyone is privileged enough to have food on the table. dirty dishes means everyone is full and can sleep peacefully without a rumbling belly. it also means love was shown and given — the food was meticulously chosen and prepared so that their loved ones can enjoy the meal. everyone is blessed with the gift of time — we don't know how long we will be on earth. our breaths can be taken in a glimpse, anytime of the day. thus, not everyone can share their time with you. so the fact that someone chooses to spend time with you and share a meal means you're someone worth spending their time with — you are valued.
so what the hell, just wash the goddamn dishes.
January 12th.
Photo from Pinterest.
“I am careful with my energy because I finally understand its worth.”
maybe I deserve someone better, but that was never the point.
as I grew older, I have come to a realization that love can never be enough. you can like or love someone and still accept that not everyone can reciprocate what you can give. and sometimes, you can love someone and know that they don't have the capacity to love you the way you want to be loved and that's okay.
I guess that's the beauty and cruelty of healing. you know so much, you are no longer settling for anything. you value and protect yourself because you've learned so much from everything you've been through. you love yourself enough, to choose what's best for you. because you know, that life is too short and already hard, why make it harder?
but here's the thing, at some point in our lives. our healed self will meet someone whom we're willing to break the walls we've built and ignore all the 'red flags' we saw. they would do anything to hurt us or sometimes they don't do anything at all but you just like them so much, that you're willing to give up everything just so whatever it is or whatever you have works. even though you already know deep inside, that they are not capable to love someone like you or they just simply don't feel the same way you do.
you know you deserve someone better, but maybe that isn't the point. I have read somewhere that maybe the point is you just want them, nothing else. you don't want someone better, you just want them to be better. a thought of 'why can't you just be better for me' lingers. you want to be seen, appreciated, loved, by them and no one else. but here's my take, maybe, the someone we're looking for is us — ourselves. we know we deserve better, so we need to make better decisions for us. yeah, it sucks that we can't make someone the person we want them to be but it's okay. it's not our job to mold them and teach them. you cannot change something that cannot be changed and you cannot control something that's beyond your power. our job, is to walk away in situations like this.
we will walk away not because we're not getting any younger and we need to make better and adult decisions, but also because we love ourselves enough. what do you do when you love someone? you give them what's best, you take care of them & you protect them. so you do it for yourself too. stop giving others the benefit of the doubt. once you start feeling uneasy and question everything, or you feel something is off — you walk away and never look back.
I guess the reason why our healed self meets someone like that, is our universe's way of testing us if we really learned what we need to learn before we get rewarded.
so here's to walking away, here's to better decisions.
January 6th, 2026.
It’s so attractive when someone actually puts in efforts to see or talk to you.
"Maturity arrived when you realized not every disappointment needs an explanation some just need acceptance."
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.”
— Josephine Hart, Damage
“You have to meet people where they are, and sometimes you have to leave them there.”
— Iyanla Vanzant
some things don't go as planned. some things don't work out no matter how hard we try, because simply it is not meant for us.
but is there really anything meant for us? how would we know? was it really meant for us or we just try to believe that it is? was it really not for us or we just don't know how to handle and keep it when it was given to us? I may sound really crazy by being stuck between being religious and non-believer, but sometimes I can't help but think that maybe we are just tricking our minds so we can feel better when something doesn't go as planned. we try to convince ourselves that there is something bigger & better planned for us — that every thing we lost and every thing that happened will be worth it. but is there really a reward waiting for us after all the sufferings? is whatever this is just like grief where we try to believe anything because we want to comfort ourselves? we disguise things as blessings, because we hope they are. then when it happens, we believe that it was the will of the Almighty, but sometimes isn't it just because of the power of manifestation? I apologise to the Almighty but sometimes I just have these crazy questions and sometimes they don't make sense, but sometimes they do for me.
but despite those questions, I still have this crazy belief that everything will really work out. I try to be appreciative, I try to always look back to compare, analyze and learn from every season of my life. that makes me somehow alter my perspective even just for a brief moment. I'll feel better, I'll get to enjoy things even just for a while.
January 2nd, 2026.
"There’s a quiet grief in accepting that love wasn’t enough to make someone treat you right."
“Not everything that hurts leaves a visible mark.”
today, is the last day of the year.
December 31st, 2025.
this time of the year always brings me joy. but somehow this year, it's different — I feel incredibly poignant. as I look back, I am proud of how much I have grown this year. my younger self would be so proud of how much I have changed and how I can stand up for myself now.
but before I got here, it took several tries. it took me painful experiences before I learned to set boundaries and stopped being the nice girl. it took me countless lessons to learn and change my outlook on life. I cried many times, almost enough to fill bottles — to help myself release the heaviness I felt, then I pick myself up to get back on my feet. I paused and gave myself the time to grieve the person I was and the person I didn't become so I can make space and peace with the person I am becoming. as I went through this process, I lost people along the way.
I now agree with what others say, 'once you've learned to set boundaries and protect your peace so much, your circle will get smaller.' because that's the truth. we thought we have so much, because we accept anything — even if it hurts us, even if it drains us, even if it's not aligned to ourselves or our dreams. but when you focus on what really matters and start valuing yourself, you won't settle for just anything. you will be mean, picky and impatient sometimes and that's okay. after years of being a people pleaser, a person with no boundaries, a person who settles for bare minimums — you start protecting yourself and being kinder to yourself. you make sure you won't commit the same mistakes. that you won't put yourself again in a situation you hate to be in. that's how you start losing people. some people don't meet you halfway and that's okay, some really don't want to. but sometimes some people are just not on the same page as you — some just don't have the capacity to be with you. so it's very important that you learn to let these people go, not for them but for you.
to be honest, I don't know where this is going. but I'll just keep writing whatever is in my head. I hate to admit it but it's getting lonely where I am right now. I do love my small circle and the peace I have created, but sometimes, it's really lonely. now that there's so much space in my life for everything I have let go, I feel the need to start filling it.
so today, I am ending this year with gratitude and hope. I may have lost things, people and had bad experiences but I had good ones too. I learned and grew so much that I feel things deeply more than before — it has consequences because it also means I will hurt more but hey, that's part of growth. but I do pray and hope, that the next few years will be kinder and softer to me because I don't want my whole life to be all about survival, sufferings and lessons only.