#tinny thing

[tinnytintin]

that rainy night with u, my heart was so happy. even tho all of these would just be me feeling all the kiligz, i still thank u for making me feel happy that night. it felt sweet, u initiating to drop me home before u go for an overnight--even tho i already told u i had no umbrella. and it felt sweeter when u offered ur cap so my head won't get too wet because of the rain. it felt surreal when we were telling stories how the day went for us; when u told me "bakit kasi di ka nagdadala ng payong". it just felt like i really am ready to open my heart to you. i felt happy becuase even tho we dont get to see each other much, or talk to each other always, i feel secured we still have each other--no matter what we really are after that night we assured each other na importante tayo sa isa't-isa and when i told u im sure na ikaw yung gusto ko. i really thought i would lose these feelings too after some weeks or days but hey, everything u do makes me fall for u more. i was so sure why i like u but now, i cannot explain why i always think about u or why i feel a lot about u. i just feel happy these days. and im sure ur one of the reasons why. thats why i thought, even when rains keep coming, i'll be waiting for u. even when the universe will refuse to give me u, i'll always be here hoping and wishing u stay happy. even when the world will tell me ur not for me, i wont listen--who are they to tell me that anyway--but maybe i can accept. and even when the stars won't align for us, it'll be fine, sad idk. but now, one thing i know and im sure of is this: God definitely has a great plan for the both of us. He gave me u for many reasons i am yet to know all. and maging tayo man o hinde, i'll always be thankful that a guy like u has made me open my heart to a lot of reasons to just keep going and to enjoy my life. and that for now, having u in my life filling me with rainbows and butterflies and rains and sunsets--and even the otherwise, u and everything u are will surely and always be enough✨

[tinnytintin]

Legends have it that tonight's April full moon was named based on varied references from the upper land and the underworld. Among its many names, the 'pink moon' is my fave. And although it isn't really pink, i still said hi to the pink moon for ü and it showed me how, in so many ways can we find hope and love even in times and in people that we least expect to bring us such. To the pink moon and back, thank you for ü and the many things i had learned to let go and keep. And ü, i'd like to do the latter✨

[tinnytintin]

puno ng ulap ang kalangitan ngayong gabi habang pilit na pinaaabot ng buwan ang liwanag ng kanyang pagkabuo kahit ito'y natatakpan. maraming bituin, hindi ko nakikita pero alam ko. may meteor shower na hindi ko rin nakikita pero dama ko. magandang pagkakataon ngayon upang humiling na naman sa kalawakan, pakawalan sa kawalan ang mga gustong makamtam. ngunit sa katahimikan, nadinig ko yung ingay ng puso, nadama ko yung bigat ng nararamdaman ng bawat pulso. isa na naman itong gabing puno ng mga kwento ng kalawakan at kawalan, pagtatanong at pagtatanto. sa dami ng hiling na gusto kong sa mga bituin ibaling, kumawala na naman kasabay nila ang tanong na may kasamang lungkot na matagal nang binabalewala--

mayroon rin kayang nakakamiss sa akin?

[tinnytintin]

Thirteenth Letter

Then, the universe brought you to me. It was like a galaxy welcoming another star. But it didn't matter much yet.

Today, the universe brought you right in front of me. Again. But this time, it was a whole lot different. It was so much diifferent.

While we were walking by that classic walk, my friend told me that we don't have to look for love because it will come to us at the right time. And know what the universe did? It showed me you. On that moment, I saw you walking past by us. You seemed not to have noticed me but I did see you and that legendary white cap of yours. I didn't know what to do but look down and act normal because I didn't know how to say hi while calming the beats of my naughty heart.

Thought that was it.

But when another friend of mine and I were already on a ride for home, she was talking about instances wherein we see the guy we like on another person in front of us. And just like that, you appeared AGAIN right in front of me, you were with your friends.

Today, you appeared in front of me at the right moments- twice. And yes, it was amazing. You appeared like a shooting star to grant my long-time wishes. Everything matters much now.

Oh, universe. You really do something for people especially when we needed signs the most. And today, I am happy, but also scared at the same time. Too much feels, too many fears. Yet all I'm sure of is you and your smile and your pretty good heart, and how us, getting to meet each other will always be a blessing for me. 192803

[tinnytintin]

this...plus the rainy weather rn...i dunno where, how and what's this gonna leave me with but yeah wouldn't trade this treasure over the get-together i missed today. errr no, not ever. big thanks to my bro's gurl for giving me this as a bertdei gift coz it will forever remind me that i got it on my 20th year (which definitely isn't the best year to celebrate anything) and that someone at least remembered and made me remember (esp this time) how books are always my safest haven✨

[tinnytintin]

wOAAAaahhh damage has been done

It's sad. It hurts. Realizing what you thought was there isn't really how it was. Guess it's true when I told someone that friendship should be mutual. You have to trust them as much as they trust you. Besides, when we enter relationships, no matter what form it is, we risk something. Simple, in a true friendship, you don't have to feel like you don't belong, like you aren't worthy of their care. There must be assurance that friendship is there. Not just company. Friendships are founded by love and company by mere needs. So it sucks. It sucks to have friendships that don't last or those kinds that don't even existed from the start. Judge me all you want but I guess fading and fake friendships can be the most heartbreaking thing that can happen to us. It just saddens me that the people you thought you could survive with through everything can be the people who can let you down and question your self worth. Maybe the saying's right. When we let people come into our lives, we give them the power to either treasure or destroy us. And it's just sad. Reeeeaaalll saaaad. Sadder than the saddest I don't know. Like wtf i feel sad af rn. Bye.

[tinnytintin]

A little detail of what happened on that day i saw I again...

Well it isn't really little coz it was a great turn of event in my long one-sided crush life. HAHA

We passed by each other.

Thought our eyes will meet. Yet they didn't. But it was okay. For in silence and unfamiliarity, I found an answer. My heart didn't skip a beat just like how it does everytime I see him then. It continued to beat like I didn't see him. Like nothing happened. AND HELL YEAH, YES, IT FELT GOOD. It felt like I became free of something that jailed me for a long time. Oh u don't know how grateful I am to finally feel like I've freed myself from the feelings that I have for him. Now, I can say feel that I'm not into him anymore. They were right. Time will help us heal and healing starts from acceptance. We weren't meant to be together. He weren't meant to be with a girl like me. But i still thank him. And he may have lost his place in my life but I guess, people cannot be removed from our hearts.

So that's it. I finally have let go of my feelings for I. I have finally let go of him and my fear of losing a good friendship. And I tell you, I feel good. This feels good.

[tinnytintin]

friendSHIT

Oh hi. Just wanted to say that my rels with ppl have been so not okay lately. And it sucks. I feel shitty. Oh dear, this is just so beyond what i can take u know. It feels like i need to choose from the people around me, like i cannot sustain a bond without letting go of an another bond. WTH THIS IS SO DRAMATIC. OKAY. BUT YEAH JUST SO TIRED OF PEOPLE DEMANDING FOR ASSURANCE WHEN THEY CANNOT GIVE IT TO ME. THIS IZ SOOOOO SAD. well, hell yeah. i know i'm not good at rels but didn't know they don't know that about me. Umm okay bye. Need to do my FL task :((