The crying Angel
Jack abbot x Reader
Summary: during a horrible shift, Jack finds you on the rooftop. While he believes he knows almost everything about you after being together for a while, he realises how untrue it is.
Author note: ummm hi guys, so I only finished the first season of The Pitt but I’m already in love as you can tell. I made up a few thinks so it should make sense. I think I trauma dumped a little but anyways enjoy, like and reblog 💕 Contens: mention of suicide, trauma, issues from the past, death mentioned
MASTERLIST
The “Night crawlers” as Jack called them were having a calm night, which is ridiculous to everyone. There were a few emergency calls that needed Abbot's attention but nothing he couldn't handle. His morning or better late afternoon started like always. He got up to an empty bed but there was a note from you on the nightstand, called in for emergency, had to leave early but made a sandwich for you so eat up before you leave. Love you xx. Jack's last worry was about you, even though you always stayed on his mind. He showered, dressed and ate while packing up for the shift.Â
No traffic whatsoever on his way to work, Pittsburg could be a nightmare, like the last time when a shooting happened. That day was horrible for everyone since the new students' doctors lost a few lives and then started struggling to keep most of the patients alive after the mass shooting. In Jack's opinion it didn't help when Robby tried to suggest that they should bury their feelings and he knows how much Robby tries to help but someday that mans gonna end up as a patient at the pace he's going. Dana catched him up on the whole thing and some unnecessary details but he tried to ignore them.Â
While everything is going at a slow pace, he got to learn about the newbies. Dr. King makes a very good impression but her attachment to Langdon is something he wants to look out for, since he´s going to tell you all about it and any "unnecessary details” in his eyes are apparently the best parts, your words not his. Apparently Victoria and Mateo are worth looking out for since “they are romance material”, again Perlah's and Princess's gossip travels fast. His shock came when the whole Langdon thing happened and apparently Dr. Santos had a big part in this.Â
So he narrowed the details down into categories to tell you about it later:
-Dr. King: sweet but gets easily ignored by othersÂ
-Victoria: avoiding her mother for obvious reasons, aka the nepo baby
-Mateo: kindly rejected Victoria, even though they could be a cute couple or that's what you'd think, he believes Â
-Dr. Santos looks like trouble but there is more depth than people realise, but very talented
Normally he doesn't analyze his coworkers but ever since you came into his life, he wanted to share every part of it with you and so one afternoon he asked you `what details he should look out for so you will get the juicy gossip?` Ever Since then he has tried to do mental notes here and there, just to make you more included in his life.   Â
You understood how hard he tried, because while his life was full of energy boosts, because of the Medical center, yours wasn't far from it. You met Jack on the nightshift and while you worked there, you saw how lively it got. How easily everyone became family but you realised soon after a month you weren't cut for it. Jack assured you that with your talents, how you didn't realise it sooner, which surprised you. He brushed your tears away on the rooftop you chose to hide but he found you anyway. You still remember the words Jack had said that made you fall in love with him even more “honey, you're the most brilliant person to exist and the talents you have with kids. You understand them and look out for them, why the hell are you in this shit whole, when you can literally do something that makes you happy and you help others?”, and while you looked at him baffled and red eyed, he brushed a hair away from your face and looked you in the eye and said "sweetheart, i've seen how good you are with kids and i´m not sure if its from experience or you go with your gut feeling but damn. Every kid that walks in here, I pray they meet you so you can work your magic on them and never have you failed them”. In that moment you didn't realise you had been waiting for a wakeup call and he was literally giving it to you.Â
So the next day you filled out a form to be moved, so you specialise with children and young teens. Before you had your last shift Jack threw a congratulation gathering with everyone at the Pitt. Pizza and way too many sugary doughnuts were involved in your honor but the best present again came from him, when he gave you a bouquet of Lillys and a hand written card that you still keep in your treasure box. You did think for a second that it was goodbye and your heart ached while reading Jack's card but to no one's surprise he texted you a few days later to ask you about updates. From one day a Text it became a daily ritual and then came the calls. Soon after you'd got a friendly coffee date but then lunch and after a little, Jack officially asked you out.  Â
Now a few months later, your relationship has been stronger than ever, of course there have been a few things you didn't tell Jack yet but that's because either the topic never came up or you weren't in the mood to explain. Jack, the patient man he is, let you handle everything at a slow pace and while he looked out for you, he knew you needed space from your own demons. Hell, he battles his own everyday. So while he tries to give you space especially while you're at work, no one likes their partner hovering over them. He wouldn't call himself clingy but you have an effect on him.Â
When you filled out the papers months ago, you'd thought they would move you far away, to your surprise they put you upstairs with the help of Gloria. Sure from the emergency centre perspective the ER looks like they are being prioritised but at the end of the day everybody's trying to save lives. To say Jack was more than thrilled is an understatement, cause he got to see you everyday even if it's a glimpse of your hair.Â
Naturally he has no business going upstairs unless he's needed, which is never but ever since you started there, he accidentally found himself once or twice a day in the upstairs department. At the beginning he told himself it's because he wanted to see you work, with every visit he realised he didn't need any excuses, cause he was sure that if he lied one more time, he's going to jump off that roof, so he did what his therapist told him to: confess. That's not even the complete truth, his doc said that if he´s completely sure about his feelings then it's better if casually ask how you feel about it and then from there on work it out, but all he heard was “ask” and “see how it goes”. So dramatically as always, he made his way to your office and babbled his feelings out so fast that you didn't catch anything but to his luck the feeling was mutual and that's how he ended up with you.Â
Dr. Shen brought him to reality when he asked about a current case and he huffed out an answer that satisfies no one. He was out of his game and everyone around him felt it but everyone needed to save lives rather than having a therapy session. Sure when becoming a doctor you sign up for saving lives but what about the ones you lose? No one seems to talk about that, while they save lives people tend to thank god but if the situation goes out of hand then no one wants to blame the man upstairs right? It's a twisted way of thinking but not one day goes by, he cannot understand. You explained to him once how belief works and how fate has a way of corrupting someone but the answer to that question is probably more than ridiculous and that's why no one can properly answer it. In Jack's mind it made sense and he was sure with the religious way you grew up, you would be the only person that could give him a logical answer, which you did and for a while it made complete sense. When he sees the horrific things that happen, he can't but doubt everything. He isn't sure why he was having thoughts right now, everything was going great. It´s normal for him to not see you for a while but the depressing thoughts he is having made him question if something happened to you? If you're alright.Â
Did he still have 20 min till his break? Yes, but did it stop him from passing to the elevator? No. He was moving like a man on a mission and to be frank, his mission was to check up on you so he could become his normal self again, for everyone's sake. The elevator didn't take long to go upstairs but finding you took long. You weren't in your office or any other room that was occupied. Jack hurried himself from one room after another, typically it didn't take long to find you, because someone saw your bubbly self but apparently no one really saw you today. On your schedule that says, you came in like always, no mention of any early appointments but before Jack can think of the worst case scenario he tries to find you. You come first and anything else is solvable as long as he has you. His heart started to beat faster with every step he tried to take in search of finding you.Â
A couple of rounds and you were still no where to find and it didn't help that your phone is off, which makes sense since you told Jack countless times that if you leave it open than you tend to doomscrool and you would rather stay 100% focused with the patient rather than your mind wondering around. If he needed you, he could to take the elevator and that's it. Pretty easy when you said it a few months ago but now Jack can't believe he agreed. “Have you seen Dr. Y/n, she's needed for her next patient?”, he makes his way to the nurse to find more information and before he could ask for her about you he hears the nurse whisper to the other one, that you should be left alone until you give them a go and to not disturb you. That only raises his impatiens and blood level.Â
If something had happened, you would've called him right? Did someone do something? Did you get attacked? All these questions fill his mind without any answers. Okey, so he narrows his options of finding you, if you aren't here or in any other room that leaves the roof and his section. He didn't see you downstairs, so his only luck is to find you on the rooftop. To dear god he hopes to find you there, to get some clarity.  Â
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When you woke up because of your ring tone, panic filled your body. Sure by now your body should have realised that every emergency can be handled, hell you've done it everyday. One case after the other, one child after another and even the worst case scenarios could be handled by you. Jack reminded you everyday and you're thankful for that, the stress never leaves your body for a second. Many times you woke up shaking, some days alone in your own bed and other times next to Jacks. It was always hard to explain to him why it kept happening, somehow you couldn't explain that every child impacted you personally. How can people separate their private life with personal work, because everything impacts. So you lied and told him about some nightmare that kept coming back ever since you were a child. It wasn´t a complete lie since your nightmare still follows you to this day and right now it's calling you.Â
When you stare at your phone, it's like you've never left your demons behind like you always hoped you did. Numbly you saw the phone ring, one, twice … until it finally stopped. Next came the messages, followed by more messages and calls and at that moment you knew, if you didn't answer any time soon, it would drive you mad. So you did what you needed to do, in order to not worry Jake, you wrote him a message. “I´m on my way”, you take a one last look at Jakes sleepless body, before heading out the door.Â
When you arrived at your place, she was already waiting before your door. The look on her face told you everything you needed to know. No matter what you say, you're digging your own grave here, so it's better to let it happen rather than arguing. The outcome at the end is always the same, you cry and hope for the pain to go away. No one could save you from her, not even Jake and you knew it and a part of you accepted the fact and that's why you didn't tell him about half of your thoughts.Â
He didn't know why you were good with traumatic children, how you knew to bond with no matter what they experienced. Of course he asked you about it but didn't get any honest answer. You gave him some half truth about it but you knew, you could tell Jake lies and he still would believe. It's not because Jake thought you weren't capable of speak anything but the truth but he was sure that if you wanted to say something, he needed to know you would but for now he accepted what you gave him. If you were completely honest with yourself, you tried to hide the broken parts from him. The bubbly personality isn´t completely fake but something you put on before stepping into the building and heading to work. No one noticed the deep breath you take before stepping out of the locker room, the way you make yourself remember to soften your smile, how you fist your hand so hard while keeping everything inside or the fact that once or twice you go through your hair, to keep you in reality.Â
So on your way to work, you couldn't think, your ears rang so loud that everything stopped. There was no need for a deep breaths today because you were out of it and it didn't matter to brush through your hair since nothing could calm you down.Â
Your first patient was a little boy who was being tortured by his brother before he pushed him too far. His brother went to the emergency ER for head surgery, the little boy was sent to you. To your luck nothing had happened to him but the thing he witnessed wasn't going out of head any time soon. You talked to him, he explained to you in excellent detail how everything happened. All you could do for the parents was to tell them that therapy should help but both needed it asap. Hardly can you blandly tell the parents to do thor job and look out for their kids rather than leave them alone till someday they'll find one of their children dead. Still you hope that you don't see them anytime soon in the future.Â
For every case you do, paperwork needs to be filled out, so after every patient you take the time to do so. It helps you with dealing with the situation since you practically write down every information and additional thoughts. At some point you stopped looking at it like paperwork but rather a therapy session but so far there were no complaints since your work has been in detail and informative. So with every formula you leave a part of yourself behind before moving on to the next.Â
Later, you got your next patient, a seven year old girl. Everything was tricky from the moment you looked at her. Angel was her name and for her age, she looked way too small and frightened. To warm her up to you, you let her paint, when you got no answers from her you started to paint with her. While she was painting waves and mermaids with crayons, she started to open up to you.
“Do you like the beach?”,
“Yes but only when it isn't too full, how about you?”,
“Yeh but I dont like to go with my parents, its only fun when my Aunt is there”,
"Oh, how so?”,
“With aunty Mell, I can build castles and have fun”,
“And with your mom and dad, what do they do?”,
“they don't take me out often but when they do, they scream a lot”,
“What do they scream about?”,
“Everything, it`s like mom says thingthing and than dad screams at her or the other way around”,
“what do you do in these moments?”,
“i stay quiet, I don't like going out with them anymore. People stare at us all the time”,
“So you don't go out unless Auntie Mell takes you?”,
“I just stay in my room locked up and hope for Auntie Mell to come. Somedays I wait many hours”
Your heart broke at that moment because you saw yourself in that child. Angel is an ironic name, because people pray to god or the Angels for miracles and while she is one for her parents they treat her like anything but. You understood her more than she knew, there was once a time where all you did was stay inside your room and spend one day after another because you didn't want to do anything with your parents. Even eating at the same table became insufferable because of their bickering. You had hoped for your Aunt to rescue you but she never came. No one really came for you, so you stayed in that room forever and you can see how it's gonna happen to her as well. In these moments you feel so helpless, there isn't anything you could do for her. While the parents aren't doing their job, it isn't a felony to argue and people can't be held accountable for arguing in front of their child. Before you could leave Angel to talk to the parents, she asked you gently if you couldn't mention the conversation to her mom and dad and that broke your heart even more. Everything in this situation reminded you of your younger self and the panic started to rise. It didn't help that the parents weren't cooperating at all, at the beginning they tried to be as polite as possible but now all they cared for is their daughter being physically alright.Â
 While you did assure them that there is nothing wrong with Angel, they didn't want to hear about mental health. Apparently she's too young to have those problems. People tend to believe that just because they have a child, automatically they've become parents but what a parent needs to do or doesn't apparently fly out of their head just because they have authority over a human being.Â
Seeing Angel and how her parents treated her, made your heartbreak rise in seconds. All you saw in that moment was yourself in a room colouring and hoping for a stranger to help you. Hoping she would do something that could help you in that situation, while deep down you know nothing could be done. So she just paint her feelings on a paper, like a help me sign. All of a sudden everything became too much, you couldn't breath and the scenario informant of you didn't help. It just made you feel like a helpless child again. You need to get out of here or else you're going to explode in front of everyone. While you could keep everything cool, these moments remind you how caged you feel sometimes. Every child that steps in here hopes for your help and you can't do any of that. Look at her hopeless face and tell her he needs to go back to her home and relieve that life over and over again until he loses her mind. Tell her how you cant help her. Tell her.Â
Before you think of doing something stupid you hurry your way to the Roof. You hear someone asking you if everything is okay but all you do is take one step after another till you reach that fence. It would be so easy to jump. No one will stop you and when they find you it will be too late anyways right. One push and you don't ever have to see her again, she won't be able to hurt you. No more sleepless nights or lying. Trying to fit in or becoming another person just to run away from yourself and her. You could be at peace. Everything would stop forever and you'll be remembered as the best possible way there is.Â
You can't do it. You can bring yourself to Jump, just like you can't bring yourself to harm yourself anymore. Jake deserves answers, you owe it to him and even it's the last thing you do. He can't live the rest of his life without the unknown and you're not that heartless to make him suffer. The tears fall from your face from frustration.Â
From anyone else's perspective it would look like you needed some air and that made you come up, which is technically true but Jack knows how stressed you get and to keep functioning, you make yourself to the roof. He never needed to worry about you doing something reckless, since you handle everything logically. One problem after another, everything is organized in your own order and before blaming anyone, you always push yourself first. He sees how you work and how you handle things but for some reason even after doing something great you push yourself and that can't be good. He just hoped that when you were ready to talk, you would come to him but never did he imagine that being today.Â
When he made his way to you, he could see how you were sitting almost at the edge and looking at the sky. Your face didn't give away anything but that didn't mean you weren't tearing yourself apart on the inside. Over the months, Jack learned a lot about you, so being up here alone wasn't something out of the order. What worried him is that you didn't reach for him, normally you try to process everything alone but after that you come to him and you talk it out. So something bad must have happened for you to be this quiet.
“Can i sit?”, you look startled to see him, it reminds him of the first time when he met you, you looked like a lost puppy trying to help. You were efficient with your work, never hovered too long if you didn't need to but when it came to being patient you tried to memorise every detail in order to help them. The patient satisfaction Robby was talking about would've been shelved in a second if there were clones of you working at the Pitt. The way you cared and listened made the wounded trust you and the faster you worked, the more you got done but it came with a prize.
Everything collapsed for you after an incident with a child. The family had brought him and he was stable enough to talk and you made good connection with him but after the surgery, he didn't handle it so well and while he was on his death bed, he gripped your hand. You did everything to help him but even the silent prayer didn't bring him back. After that devastating moment you excused yourself and made it out to the rooftop but even in the clear sky, you blamed God. When he made his way to you, he could hear you whispering and asking what that boy deserved and for a second he thought you were talking to him but the moment he realised your anger was deeper than anyone could see, he immediately asked you to move departments. Of course he didn't do it because he believed you couldn't handle any of it but the way you care, those people are needed and since your expertise was with kids everything added up, so when you choose a different path everything falls into place. Here and there were minor situations that got you down but nothing you couldn't handle but today must be a breaking point.Â
“yeah sure but I probably need to go back soon”, you don't know if you said it because if you opened yourself up there was no going back or if you didn't want Jack to see you this way.Â
“Sure but is everything alright?!,
“why wouldn't it be?”, he knows you're hiding something.Â
“Because when I tried to find you, I couldn't and no one knew where you were”, Jack tries to keep calm, its not gonna help if he freaks out.
“I just needed some air”, you tried to keep your answers short but giving him enough information to let him believe that everything is alright.
When Jake takes your hand, you flinch for a second. The look he gives you makes you regret everything because you're not afraid of him. Of course not, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. You go completely still when Jake slowly takes your hands in his and softly pulls your long sleeves up your arms. As the tears form your eyes, you try to look away.
The quietness now is unbearable for you even though that's all you wanted for a second. You're scared to say something because the words will choke you and you'll be drowning in sadness. Â
“What happened- was that a patient?”, you can hear the panic in Jake's voice. You know you fucked up the moment you look him in the eyes. Because the moment you see him worrying, you break down and the tears keep coming.
“Umm no- i-i umm so it was an accident”, who were you trying to kid. Now was your chance to come clean and all you could think about is, what was going to happen after.Â
“Sweetheart, I promise you, you can tell me why your arm is full of purple bruises and i wont be mad”,Â
“It's complicated!”, Jack didn't understand what in the world could be so big that you tried to feel hurt and bury yourself into believing you deserve this. No one should leave you hurt and move on like nothing happened and maybe something in your past had happened that made you believe you deserved all the pain but now that he's here, he won't let any of that slide.   Â
“I swear to you, nothing is complicated enough. I wanna help baby and i can do that only if you tell me”, hearing him saying that made you feel safe more than ever. So you nodded and tried to stop the tears.Â
“I-i woke up because I got a call, so I hurried out but left you with a note so you wouldn't worry about me-” Jack nodded so you would continue.
“Everything happened so fast when I got to my apartment and I didn't know what to do or if I should call you. I was feeling numb and couldn't t-talk” He thought of the worst case scenario because you weren't explaining clearly to him what had happened. Did you get attacked? Did someone force themself on you?Â
“baby look at me and try to take a deep breath and tell me everything that happened, yeah”, you nodded so that was at least a good sign.
“My mother- oh god my mother was the one that called me. She- I-i, when i came back to my apartment, I found her waiting for me and sh-she”, if you could think clearly, you would've told him everything from the start. Even before today's incident, everything was catching up to you.Â
“I didn't know she was here, I mean in Pittsburgh and I haven't talked to her in a while. Ever since I've moved here, I've been ignoring her and I didn't think she would be looking for me. She got mad and started to smash everything, so when I didnt give any information sh-she umm thats what happened”, you confess.Â
Jack couldn't think properly, so you ought to tell him that you're bruised up because of your mother and all because you don't want to have any contact with her. The woman he wanted to meet someday because he was so in love with her daughter, was a person that chose violence? Never did he question when he saw you flinching when patients yelled at each other or to you, not once did he question himself why you took so much time to get to know others and make them feel seen, like you made him feel seen. It all made sense now, he's not for sure how long you've experienced violence but from the look of it, its nothing new to you. Also the way you tried to excuse her like it didn't matter. Like you didn't matter. Â
“Honey come here”, he took you in his arms. He was clueless, what can he do to make it okay? he could´nt say anything that would make this situation any more fucked but all he knew was that you needed him more than ever.Â
“I had a patient today, a-a little girl and all I could see was myself. I want to help her, protect her. She deserves better and I cant- cant help her. I saw it in her eyes, she wanted to disappear and I-i can't do anything. I just can't.", in this moment Jack realised how much you carry with you and even though you try so hard to make peace with it.Â
“I'm so sorry for my love. I'm so sorry” there isn't anything he can do and if you already tried, than hes sure no one could do anything to make this situation any better,Â
“I used to pray to God or whoever is up there to save me. To help me and take her away. I know it's horrible but I wanted her gone but he never answered. I begged one day after another for any answer but nothing. So if he didn't want her gone then at least he could take me away right and I prayed that too. Nothing happened”, your confession shocked him. You who brightened the lives of others just by listening to them wanted to be gone?Â
“Listen to me honey, if you asked any of them downstairs if they have anything against you they will tell you no. Not because they're trying to be nice but because it's the truth. You shine so bright and then give others the time of your life, your brightness shines through them. I'm sure the amount of children you helped, will remember that forever. You don't only listen to them but understand them. I have seen no one touch so many peoples souls like you do. You don't deserve anything that happened to you and hell your mother doesn't deserve you, she was supposed to be the one that protected you. I will never let any of this happen to you again, do you hear me?” he looks into your eyes to see if you believe him. When you nod at him, he leaves a big sign, he didn't know he was holding for a long time. All he wanted was for you to be alright. Nothing else mattered as long as you were by his side and safe.
















