You became a slave for certain pattern after along time of repeating it, you don't have any idea that you can break it you don't even know that there is another way to live. You deeply Embraced that pattern and lived by it. Submitted to whatever comes in your way so you don't know how to rebel and make noise if something or someone forced on you. In certain level in submission you begin attacking everything different from you and your beliefs.
Thinking that every act of rebellion is hypocrisy and there is no real ending you just keep on living while walking to your grave slowly don't bother to experience anything out of your spiral you became numbed shaped and defined by the system they put you in so attached to your master as blind as a bat.
Thinking you would die if you kept without control over you. Convinced until your need of submitting overwhelmed every detail of your personality reached a level beyond saving from anyone except you, at some point maybe you won't reach it. You begin seeing everything so clear knowing how much damage has been acquired by the system. You also might will not know how to stand up for anything even for your own ideas. But eventually it gets easier.
The sun shall always rise upon your soul, part of it might be broken but it gives you strength to be wild and fierce to stand and do what you always wanted.