#to matter

[acurtist]

Please help me...

Help me...bring back the most disruptive innovation of the 21st century💯

[urcosmicluver]

i am entirely too consumed with my passion to be better and become something that matters.

i’ve always wanted to be immortal - and not in the sense of physically living forever but more so making such an impactful change or piece of media that it’ll live on long after i’m dead.

i think of films like the godfather or fight club or mamma mia - those are movies that’ll continuously be talked about til the world blows up and will probably still be talked about on mars or something.

but as of late my absolute need to be something great has washed into every part of my life.

i’m so young. i can’t even legally drink, i don’t have a license, i don’t know how to do my taxes, but even then i feel like im too old to do anything worth meaning.

all the people around me are becoming actors or models or creating these incredible movies that i could only dream of creating. they all have these insane connections like their movie star parents or access to hundred-thousand dollar equipment while all i have is a broken phone and a bleeding passion to matter, make good art, and to create something worth watching.

i don’t know anymore. i just want to live, make good art, and feel like when i leave this world in hopefully 100+ years, the things i do on it will have actual genuine meaning & impact.

[coldercreation]

Heyhey,

I know that many of you have said that the series has been helpful to you and that there’s lots of comfort in these stories. I genuinely love that this is a thing and it makes me feel so nice whenever I hear it<3

Obviously the writing isn’t /me/, but it’s one thing I have spent a lot of time and effort on, so hearing that it has had value to some of you, makes me feel … valued? Like I’m contributing somehow? And like I’m making some kind of positive difference to others with some aspects of my life and existence. I dunno. Just. I really appreciate it that so many of you have taken the time to engage in the works and characters and asks and art and even just, y'know, me. It really means a lot. 

I wanted to stop by here and thank you all for always being so supportive and kind and encouraging about my work, even when I sometimes take forever and struggle with writing at times. Writing’s one of the rare things I usually feel confident about and like I’m actually decent at it, so it’s been somewhat a ‘well, at least I have that going on for me’, while my sense of self and self-esteem and all that has been acting up. :’)

This post was originally twice as long and I actually wrote about the self-negativity/lack of self worth I’ve been feeling, and how I’ve had quite a rough time for a while. I said in my latest TMI ramble that I like myself just fine, but in reality I've really been struggling with that a lot.

I decided not to post the other half of this post after all. I might be feeling that stuff about myself but I’m trying to remember that feelings are not always a good representation of what’s true, and that tomorrow’s a new day, and if it’s not better tomorrow, hopefully it will be better the day after.

Trying to focus on the good even when it's harder than usual. This space has always been a very positive one to me, so just wanted to share how grateful I am to have this little corner here with all of you xx  

[psalm40speakstome]

“Do you really need a grand reason for living?........I live because I wake up, and I live because I’m breathing.”

That Winter, The Wind Blows. Episode Two.

[cozycoffinzzz]

[honorhearted]

🕯️Dinah or Hannah

This meme (x) | 🕯️ remind my muse that they matter @palaceofmuses

Ben was presently on leave. Somehow, he hated this time of war most of all -- how being away from camp, his purpose left him feeling as cold and barren as the very winter surrounding him.

He tried to drown away his sorrows in a book that morning, but his mind wasn’t allowing it, and disgusted, he closed the novel just as Hannah popped her head inside his bedroom. “I heard the dinner bell,” he assured her, setting aside the book with a low exhale. “I’ll be along shortly.”

If he could manage it. He wasn’t sure why he’d returned to Setauket for Christmas. His family was better off without all his moping, and quite frankly, he would rather be in Connecticut with his old school chums. Not because he didn’t love his family -- quite the contrary -- but because he knew they deserved better.

It took him a moment to realize Hannah was speaking, but when he did, Ben regarded her with an incredulous chuckle. “You think I matter because you’re my sister. You have to be nice to me,” he teased. Smile fading, his eyes grew glassy within the candlelight and he looked away, slowly rising from his bed before he approached her in earnest.

“Thank you, Hannah,” he murmured. Keeping his gaze locked on the floor, he bent over and drew the younger woman into his arms, gently squeezing her to show his appreciation. He didn’t entirely believe her -- how could he? -- but it still felt nice to be wanted, needed, reassured.

[rositxespinosa]

I want to be a part of a family where I actually matter.