#toby thoughts

[tobytreats]

my wonderful yumeship list has been updated

[tabiitoby]

for all my love for captain mactavish, being in a relationship with him must be actual hell. like, that guy has been running since birth and i dont think he’ll ever get away from whatever he’s running from.

[chubbunnyy]

update,,,,

i write for mahito now

he grew on me

unfortunately

[monstrositytrolls]

Cars is a good movie, actually. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

[tobytreats]

being anxious and paranoid as a null selfshipper is very scary. i am so afraid of commenting on people's art of him because I don't want to come off as a creepy null selfshipper. so i try my best to sound as absurd as possible when talking about him. i actually found him inside a wet cardboard box. he's soggy and pathetic. in fact i like to put him inside a glass jar and then shake him around. yeah i smooch and kiss him but i also like to let him lay on my lap and cry about nothing in specific. and when im bored i dip him in tar and he scream loud as fuuckkkkk

[tobytreats]

i suppose that while i'm still inspired, i should also talk about my experiences as someone aroace! TECHNICALLY, you could say that I'm greyaroace! However, I was never a fan of microlabels for myself. Far too many to keep track of. Aroace is just much better for me to explain and to relate to.

But, well, it's noticeable that I have been in relationships before and also selfships! I believe these things were necessary for my self discovery.

I am not the romantic type. Never was, for that matter. My best friend used to be in a relationship with me and even he said that he has noticed that. Nothing harmful, of course. But it made me wonder why I took so long to realize.

Until I thought about it and came to a conclusion: my autism diagnosis helped me, along with my experiences with love. I was constantly pressured into the idea of being with someone. I have been through enough romantic situations, both on the internet and outside, to realize that this isn't for me. I do not get atteched in the way I am expected to. I was sold a dream that was never meant to be mine.

Sexual topics are also tricky. I do have a libido, especially driven by my testosterone. I do have these thoughts. I write about them. I draw them. I imagine scenarios revolving sexual fantasies. But.. do you know what's funny about it? These thoughts never involves me. I found comfort in fiction. Engaging with it safely. I have created characters to do my bidding. Made them fall in love, made them sleep together, made them do everything I was told to do one day. It makes me happy, to make these characters happy. To make them live a life next to someone. To many people. To whoever I feel like making them be with. They'll be happy, and so will I. Honestly, I wouldn't mind knowing how it feels like. To be in said sexual situations. But this isn't something I seek. This isn't important for me. This isn't something that will make a difference for me. And that doesn't make me any less asexual. I am not closed to the possibility of another romantic experience. Though I may never love anyone in that way. And that is okay. That's what makes me aromantic. At the same time, being aroace is a spectrum. I would never tell another aroace person that they HAVE to feel the same way. We are all different. I have aroace friends who DESPISE the idea of romance and sex. I also have aroace friends who are neutral about it. All of us are different somehow. When you are in a conversation involving arospec people, please remember them, too. remember the people who would never do any of these things in any circumstances. This is not called a spectrum for no reason, after all.

[tobytreats]

Being self aware is incredibly stressful.

I have vented to friends about this before but I'll share my thoughts in here as well.

When you are constantly in an era of your life where there is some sort of drama around you, even if unintentionally, you tend to create a new life goal: not make people upset.

The truth is that it will happen anyways, somehow. All you can do is make sure that you know how to handle it.

Though, this is not my only point with that topic.

When said era is happening, you tend to also create ways to avoid the stress.

For example, I always end up undersharing. Then, I realize how harmful it is to hide myself. So i overshare. After that I become embarrassed and so I stop. And the cycle repeats.

I love creating. I love making up stories. I love drawing and writing. That fear sets me back and makes me stop being passionate about the very things that makes me happy. Things that are not harmful.

Healing means that you won't always be perfect, nor will be able to stick with your plans all the time. And that is okay.

Just be kinder to yourself.

I'm trying to be kinder to myself, too.

[tobytreats]

I posted about it on Twitter but I'm bringing the same topic here.

I'm filled with joy with the fact people are starting to selfship with Artium.

I think that, no matter if you yumeship with Artium romantically, platonically or even familiarly... it just makes sense! It would be possible! It is canon! All Artium wants to do is bring happiness and joy to those around him, no matter how the process goes.

May everyone who yumeship with Artium know that Artium loves you. Artium cares about you. And he will forever do so.