Solstice
Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia Relationships: Todoroki Family; Hawks/Todoroki Fuyumi Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending Word Count: 3.8k | AO3 Link | @todofammonth
Todoroki Family Month, Day 13: Love
Synopsis: Fuyumi’s heartbreaks came in the form of three scars on the left side of three people’s faces.
Warning: The following contains spoilers for the Pro Hero Arc and the Paranormal Liberation War Arc.
夏炉冬扇 | かろとうせん | karotōsen
lit. summer fires and winter fans; useless, untimely things.
At the tender age of twelve, Fuyumi bore the burden of being someone who had the usefulness of a fire during summer.
It began as a flicker of a flame during her younger years until something happened and set the sentiment ablaze within her soul: her mother’s breaking point. With everything Endeavor had put Rei through, Rei snapped, ended up hurting Shoto, and had to be taken away from home. Endeavor had mentioned Rei’s weak constitution time and again, but to Fuyumi, her mother had been anything but weak. Rei had been the one holding their family together, or at least, with all the strength she could muster, she had tried to. Without Rei, everything began to fall apart. Amidst the chaos, Fuyumi promised herself she would take care of her brothers. She gave it her all, but there was only so much a young girl like her could do.
No matter how much she prayed for his return, Toya was gone, and Fuyumi held the role of the eldest Todoroki sibling in his absence. The first few days had been the most difficult. She and Natsuo would try to play together as they usually did, but nothing was the same any longer. Natsuo, who had been closest to Toya, would be so angry at their father, at himself, and at life—so much so that he ended up crying while pouring his heart out to her, the only person who was around to listen. She patted his back and grieved in silence, concealing her feelings of helplessness through speaking words of comfort to Natsuo.
In a short time, two members of their family had left them: their mother, indefinitely; their eldest brother, forever.
At a loss, Fuyumi longed to see her mother so badly, but when she took the train to Tokyo and asked the receptionist of Fujiya Hospital which room number Todoroki Rei was staying in, she was told her mother was in no state to receive visitors yet. Fuyumi couldn't argue, so she went home without complaint and stayed inside her room for the rest of the day. Her body felt numb as she wallowed in her gloomy thoughts, and a part of her came to the conclusion that if it was hard for her, then it was harder for Natsuo, and hardestfor Shoto.
The limited amount of interaction she shared with her youngest brother made her feel as if they were strangers to each other. On most days, she would catch a glimpse of his white and crimson hair before leaving for school, and when she was lucky, she would see him again when she arrived in the afternoon. However, some days passed when their paths never crossed at all. Fuyumi wouldn't dare voice out her thoughts regarding the matter, but she envied the other girls in her class. Their fathers or older brothers would come to pick them up after school and carry them on their backs to the playground, and they were free to dote on their little brothers as much as they wanted to. She could do neither of those. Although the Todoroki family was traditional, they were far from the usual.
Night fell. Everyone in the house was supposed to be asleep, but Fuyumi was struck with the inclination to see Shoto. The events surrounding their household plagued her mind as of the recent and kept her awake until the wee hours. Tonight was no exception, and she was certain it would be the same case for him. As quietly as she could manage, she tiptoed to Shoto’s room, slid the door open, and entered. Once she spotted him sitting on the futon, a blanket covering his legs and feet, she closed the door.
Fuyumi stepped closer until she neared his hunched form. “Shoto.”
Shoto lifted his head and sniffled, returning her stare with a blank expression on his face. His burn wound had been treated at the hospital and was well enough to be unbandaged. A scar as red as the color of the left side of his hair marred his angelic face.
Trembling, Fuyumi lost the feeling of her legs and fell to her knees in front of her brother, her vision blurry.
“Sis...” Shoto whispered, sounding worried.
“I’m sorry, Shoto,” Fuyumi said, her voice cracking. Carefully, she reached out and took his little form in her arms, combing her fingers through his hair. “I’m so sorry.”
Shoto kept quiet. He shivered, and his body was wracked by silent sobs, dampening her clothed shoulder. “I miss Mom.”
“I wish she was here, too.”
“Do you think she’ll be able to come back soon?”
Fuyumi didn’t know how to break the news to him but decided to be honest. “I tried to visit her at the hospital a while ago, but I wasn’t able to see her.”
“Why not?”
“The nurse told me she wasn’t well enough for visitors yet.”
Shoto sobbed harder. He was so young, and all Fuyumi could think of was how he didn’t deserve any of this. Both in the physical and emotional sense, Shoto was scarred for life. The permanence of it all drove the tears Fuyumi had been holding back to stream down her cheeks.
Her brother was suffering, and she was unable to do anything for him.
For most of her life, Endeavor considered Fuyumi a failure in his life, someone who had the purpose of a fan during winter.
When her Quirk manifested, she had been excited to show it to him. Young and naïve, she believed she would be able to train with him and Toya and finally be able to spend time with them, but the moment her father saw frost instead of flames, he had looked away and turned his back on Fuyumi. Her Quirk disqualified her from being his successor, and Endeavor, driven by his selfish motivations, lost his interest in her. No matter how many books Fuyumi read, or how well she did at school, or how much she wished for it, he never spared her a second glance.
Fuyumi stared at the Endeavor doll on her desk. He was her father, so why did he treat her the way he did? Did he love her? Did he consider her as his child? His flesh and blood? She couldn’t tell. Questions such as those floated inside her head, but she was afraid to know the answer. At night, she would end up crying herself to sleep because she has never felt that she was good enough to be his daughter.
After Rei had been hospitalized, Fuyumi would offer her assistance in the kitchen during her free time. She enjoyed cooking, and it provided her something else to think about instead of the negative sentiments in her life. While she waited for dinner to commence, she would flip through the television channels and watch soap operas. One time, she came across a news report about Endeavor being the Pro Hero with the highest tally of resolved cases in history. As the reporter interviewed a few of the civilians Endeavor saved, she wondered if the price for the safety and lives of others were the happiness and lives of her family.
Years passed, and a miracle happened sometime after Shoto attended U.A. High School. The shift in Enji’s life was gradual, but nonetheless, existent. Fuyumi would never forget the first time she felt it. One Friday afternoon, she exited the gates of the elementary school she taught at and found him leaning against the side of his parked car outside, his arms crossed, waiting.
Once he spotted her waving at him with a surprised expression on her face, he opened the door and gestured inside with a nod. “Let’s go home.”
Fuyumi paused, unsure of what spurred on her father’s strange behavior, but decided not to question it. “Okay.”
The way home was filled with silence. At first, it had been awkward, but as the minutes ticked by, she calmed down. Halfway through the car ride, the sudden realization that, for the first time in a long time, she felt comfortable in his presence, made her sigh.
“How was your day?” Enji asked out of the blue, his eyes trained on the last of the pedestrians crossing the road.
“It was… good,” she replied and meant it. The traffic light struck green, and they continued on their way. “One of the girls got her Quirk today, so that was exciting.”
“I see.”
“What about you, Dad? How did your day go?”
Everything they talked about had been so mundane, but it was the first time it happened. No one knew how she cried that night with her heart full of mixed emotions, a spark of hope igniting inside her heart.
From then on, her father picked her up from work when he wasn’t busy, sent her messages, and gave her souvenirs from his frequent trips—little things that didn’t seem like much, but meant the world to Fuyumi.
The day after the failure of a family meal she organized following Endeavor’s battle in Fukuoka, she found herself sharing a meal with her father in a traditional Japanese restaurant in the vicinity of the Endeavor Hero Agency. Her father didn’t mention it, but this was a way for him to make it up to her for souring Natsuo’s mood, even though the purpose of the get-together had been to thank him and to welcome him back home in the first place. Fuyumi couldn’t blame Natsuo for feeling resentful. In fact, she was the one who understood Natsuo’s feelings best as she, too, had suffered from the neglect of their father. At least, she had found out Shoto shared a similar point of view as hers which furthered her hope. Perhaps, it was selfish of her to dream of being a proper family, but when they finally had this chance, she would never be able to forgive herself if she didn’t grasp it.
As she sat across Enji, the scar on the left side of his face reminded her of the horrific encounter her father faced, the battle which she witnessed through a screen. “Dad.”
“Hm?”
“That villain you fought last time… The one which scarred your face...”
“Nomu.”
“Yes.”
“What about them?”
“Are there more of them?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “I believe there are more of those which are of the same caliber as the one in Kyushu, but a lot of those we have encountered are weaker versions of them.”
She sighed, placed her chopsticks down, and took a sip of her tea, unable to find the words to say.
“There’s no need to worry, Fuyumi.”
Even so, she did worry. Heroes lived in constant danger, and Endeavor was no stranger to that reality. Although she had faith in his abilities as a Pro Hero, his encounter with High End had cut it close. What if another Nomu—or another more powerful villain—attacked him? She refused to consider it, but she had to: what if he didn’t emerge from the battle as luckily as he did the last time? Endeavor was now the Number One Hero, and while he was thrust into the position in a manner that dissatisfied him, he was exerting all of his efforts to deserve the position. As for the person who was behind the costume, Enji, there were things he wanted to do for his family still, a brighter future he strived for those he had wronged. What if because of those villains, he wouldn’t be able to do it?
Enji was trying his hardest to repent for the sins he had committed against his family. He was doing all he could, but as Fuyumi gave her father a small smile and dropped the subject, though unspoken, both of them wondered if his best would be good enough.
Fuyumi wished there was a way for her to ease his burden, but whether or not he would succeed in being deserving of the title ‘Number One Hero’ and ‘Father’ was something out of her hands.
Even to the man she fell in love with, Fuyumi remained a fire in summer and a fan in winter.
The dysfunctional family she grew up in didn’t deter her desire to have a family of her own one day. The things she wanted and did not want in a family were clear to her as crystal. All her life, she believed she would end up with a fellow civilian, but all of her assumptions went straight out of the window the moment a certain someone barged inside her life: Hawks.
By chance, they met when she and her father were having dinner with some of his sidekicks. Much to Endeavor’s irritation, Hawks came in unannounced and sat in front of them. Fuyumi recognized him the second her eyes landed on his winged form; he was the hero who battled High End alongside her father. It was strange how the two of them were the same in age, but the responsibility he carried on his shoulders as a hero was multiple times the weight of what she had on her own. Still, he proved to be an easy person to talk to. He loved to joke around, even at the expense of her father. Somehow, the way Hawks would meet her eyes as they carried out a lighthearted conversation, genuinely interested in what she had to say, made her heartbeat race. In passing, he mentioned his lack of interest in nurturing the next generation which piqued her interest as she was the opposite—it was what she yearned to accomplish in her lifetime.
To Fuyumi’s surprise, Hawks surreptitiously slipped a small sheet of paper in her palm before they parted ways: it was his contact information. All night, she had thought nothing of it, assuming his flirtatious smile and behavior was something typical for him, but when he started inviting her to casual hangouts whenever he happened to be around Musutafu, she thought twice and dared for her thoughts to wander into uncharted territory.
Once, Hawks dropped by the elementary school Fuyumi taught at. He greeted and played with the children, claiming he wanted to witness what it was like to nurture the next generation out of sheer curiosity. As she watched him smile and laugh while he gave the kids a turn to be lifted in the air, she concluded he had nothing to worry about in that matter.
The closer she got to him, the more she wanted to know. The sentiment turned out to be mutual, and the rest was history. From his witty remarks to the bravery that flowed in his veins, Fuyumi couldn’t find anything that wasn’t worth admiring. Before she knew it, she had fallen deeply in love with Hawks. Even if there were fragments of his life she has yet to discover and memories of her own she has yet to tell him, for now, it was fine—they were fine. When they were both ready to share those aspects of themselves, they would cross that bridge together.
Everything was going well until she was reminded of the things his status as a hero entailed.
Hawks, who was handpicked by the Hero Public Safety Commission to train as a hero from a young age, succeeded Endeavor in being the Number Two Hero. As the circumstances called for it, he had to serve as a double-agent in the Paranormal Liberation Front, and it came with consequences. An inevitable war transpired between the heroes and the villains. Hawks had been on the verge of dying at the hands of a villain, but one of his interns, a student from U.A. High School and Shoto’s classmate, Tsukuyomi, had saved him.
Hawks made it out alive, but the aftermath of the war led his future to uncertainty.
The familiar scent of antiseptic filled her nostrils as she knocked on the door of the hospital room he was staying at. She braced herself, unsure of what to expect, and entered. Hawks was lying down on his bed as he greeted her with a smile like he always did. Half of his face, his arms, and torso were all wrapped in bandages. She kissed the top of his head and placed the flowers she brought for him on the vase over his bedside table, adding color to the plain white walls and flooring of his room.
“You have to eat,” Fuyumi insisted when she noticed that his tray of food remained untouched.
“But Fuyumi…” Hawks whined, his lips curved into a frown, “your cooking is a thousand times better than what they serve here.”
“I’ll bring you food when you’re not on a strict diet anymore, how does that sound?”
“Like heaven.”
With her gentle request and assistance, he proceeded to sit up and eat his food, any discomfort he was feeling imperceptible. All the while, he asked her many things like how she has been, what she has been up to, and if she missed him. She answered each one while matching his cheerful manner: she has been safe but worried, she learned how to cook a new chicken dish she thought he would like, and yes, she did miss him—a lot.
When the doctor came in a few hours later to check on his condition, a nurse in tow to assist him in changing his bandages, Hawks turned to her and asked, “Want to go buy us some drinks from the vending machine downstairs?”
She returned his gaze, her voice calm as she replied, “It’s alright. I can handle seeing this.”
In the corner of the room, she sat down and observed. As the doctor and the nurse unwrapped his bandages, Fuyumi refused to blink, both curious and afraid to find out the extent of his injuries.
A burn scar marred the left side of his face, and he could barely open his eyelid. His bushy eyebrow and the long eyelashes she had admired when she stared at his side profile were both thinned. The doctor and the nurse began to remove the bandages around his torso. Fuyumi had noticed it—of course, she had—but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of his injured back and the absence of his wings. She froze, her clenched hands trembling and her eyes stinging with unshed tears. The sound of his voice as he cracked jokes with the medical professionals while they treated his injuries barely registered in her mind.
After a few reminders, the doctor and the nurse left. Fuyumi returned to the seat beside his bed. A wistful smile graced his lips, and she returned it with one of her own.
“The streaks in your hair,” Hawks said, reaching out to touch her hair gently, “they’re like my feathers, aren’t they?”
Fuyumi kept quiet.
Aside from their color and pointed shape, those two things were anything but similar. His feathers had traveled far and wide, heard and witnessed countless stories, and saved lives. Her hair was simply a unique feature she possessed, neither special nor heroic. She hoped he wouldn’t notice how her eyes had glazed through her eyeglasses, but as fate would have it, his exposed eye was as sharp as ever.
“Come here,” he urged, his arms wide open.
She obliged and sat on the bed. When he removed her eyeglasses and wrapped her in his embrace—the warm, familiar, and loving embrace she missed—she broke down. Her tears fell freely, uncontrollably.
He rubbed her back and stroked her hair, tucking her head underneath his chin. “Shh… It’s okay. Everything’s okay now.”
She choked back another sob, taking a few moments to compose herself before replying, “When I first visited and saw you unconscious, I-I was so scared you wouldn’t wake up. I’m just… I’m so relieved you’re alive.”
He pressed a kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”
Fuyumi shook her head. She should be the one comforting him and not the other way around, but ever since her last conversation with him before the war, she had been terrified. He had sounded as if he had been prepared to die. She wanted so terribly to ask about his past, what happened to him, who was the villain who injured him gravely, and what transpired during his espionage mission, but she knew better not to. It wasn’t the right time for it. For now, his recovery was the top priority, and Fuyumi would be there for him every step of the way, no matter what happened.
“I love you,” she told him.
“Fuyumi,” he whispered, “I love you more.”
If it were a normal day, she would have argued that it was she who loved him the most, but although it seemed like it was, today was anything but normal. Fuyumi wept for Hawks, uncertain if he would be able to soar high as he used to or if the sixth sense he had through each of his crimson feathers would ever return. The familiar feeling of helplessness crept inside her, making her question if her love meant anything at all.
In the end, Fuyumi could do nothing for Keigo.
The walk from the hospital to the train station had been short as she navigated through the streets in a daze, her feet taking her to her destination before she realized it. With the rush hour over, the crowd waiting for the train had thinned. Fuyumi stood alone, staring into space, her eyes still red-rimmed from crying. Her fingers trembled as she combed them through her short hair. Once she finished tying it in a ponytail, she opted to rest her hands inside her coat pockets.
Memories of her family flashed inside her mind one by one. As if it was only yesterday, she contemplated the comfort she sought and the warmth she longed to give. She thought of Keigo, whom she promised to visit again tomorrow, and worried for him endlessly.
Today had been another reminder of her likeness to a fire in summer and a fan in winter, but once again, Fuyumi took a deep breath and exhaled with a resolve: to wait.
She would wait for the day she would be able to do something for those she loved. She would wait for the time she would be able to protect them and be the one to tell them everything was going to be fine. She would wait until it was her season, until she was a fan in summer and a fire in winter.
Fuyumi had no way of knowing when it was going to happen, but deep within her laid faith for that time to come one day.
The train was set to arrive in five minutes.
Until then, she waited.
I would like to thank my good friend, ReverberatingEchoes, for proofreading this work!
I really love the idea of Hawks and Fuyumi together, so I'm happy I was able to write something that included them as a pairing 〜♩є(･Θ･｡)э
Thank you for reading!
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