✧. ┊TR ANGST
tw: toxicity
“I don’t want to be with you anymore”
“what?” Ran whispers, just barely audible.
“you exhaust me, you tire me, i’m done”
it’s all a lie. obviously. you can’t get enough of him, your life is revolved around him, he is your joy and your sadness. he is your comfort after being your pain. and that’s what you have to run. run far away from it.
“don’t be ridiculous.”
but you’re not being ridiculous. the countless ex’s lined up in his contacts cause a whirlwind within your mind. a turmoil. the nights where he prioritises his friends and drugs and alcohol above you. you are not what comes to his mind when he thinks of love. or at least that’s what you think.
“I do not deserve this”
ran looks at you with dull eyes, reflecting his thoughts — ‘after everything…?’
“you’ve led me on, for so long, if I wasn’t the one you wanted, why did you stay with me? why did you stay?”
“but I love you. I want you.”
your mind goes back to the night where he raised his voice beyond a simple ‘outside voice’. where he stared at you whilst your eyes could have filled oceans. stared with nothing. the harsh words that spilled out his mouth were a string of daggers.
“you don’t love me. you never loved me”
again, the night of your anniversary crossed your mind. the night where he came home, drunk. slurring. with nothing but an empty beer bottle within his hands. you remember yesterday, when he bought his female friend that he’s particularly very and too close with, a dior perfume. no reason really — just to treat her.
“but I wouldn’t have been with you for so long if I didn’t want to be with you”
you sat there staring at him with your heart free, but aching. the night you both sat in the sleek back uber haunted your mind next. the utter silence that shrouded the car, rather than comfort, was a deafening ring in your ear. it was uncomfortable. you didn’t even share the same passions.
“I tried so hard for you” ran smirked, in disbelief.
you scoffed. the night after your last argument found its way into your mind — his hands creeped onto your waist, cold and uncomfortable. he whispered ‘i’m sorry’ into your ear. but you were laying besides him, turned away, silent, crying. his hands creeped down further. ‘what’s wrong baby?’ he’d whisper. he was your first everything, but he didn’t love you. a person who loved you wouldn’t treat you like this.
“you tried for everything but me, you didn’t love me, you just loved the idea of having me.”
ran just stared at you; facial expression unreadable.
“you didn’t love me. if you did love me, I wouldn’t feel hard to love. I wouldn’t feel like i’m begging for you”
the countless nights where you had to beg for a call back from him flashed by you. where he said he’d try and be better for you, but ignored all your pleas to call you back.
“you led me on”
“well i’ll always miss you-”
“cut the bullshit. don’t say anymore”
you gathered your things, and swiftly stood up.
“you were nothing but an obstacle in my life, I loved you so much, and you never ever made me feel understood or reciprocated that. ever”
he snickered as he watched your hard eyes. he grabbed the shot of alcohol and downed it.
“alright darling”
darling. well. you’ve left all that behind now.
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guys i went through a breakup pls don’t mind this dump xoxoxoxoxo