#tonyisms

[small-sketch]

“I love her. But not as much as Rat Boy does.”

-My father, a fan of EE, after seeing that I’m drawing Zora

[small-sketch]

My Father, about to put up tiny fences in the garden: Time to punish the tomatos

[small-sketch]

My father has decided to call everyone “partner” to avoid using the wrong pronouns

[fucknotony]

“Dick-Dork”

Meaning: a jerk; a “fuckboy” (as youngsters say nowadays)

Use in sentence: “You’re being a bit of a dorky dick-ass dick-dork right now to that cashier. Slow it the fuck DOWNS before somebody gots ‘ta BITCH ya!!”

[fucknotony]

“Caters to an oilman’s needs”

Meaning: conditions that are preferential towards certain groups of people

Taken from: Dallas: The Early Years; the scene where Jock and Digger weren’t shit until they struck oil, and then the hotel manager changed their room to the 1st-class suite for free, giving them top-shelf booze and cigars ‘n shit, and when they asked why, he said “You’re oilmen! We know how to cater to an oilman’s needs!”

So, whenever we see some people getting preferential treatment or privileges that most other people (in our group or in general) never do, we say “This place caters to an oilman’s needs.”, meaning them folks get treated better than we will because we ain’t shit to them.

Use: “WOW; this restaurant only caters to an oilman’s needs, because most people can’t even make it through the front door with their money.”

OR

Use: “That store only sells shit that southern people will like. The rest of us are just gonna have to go fuck ourselves, I guess. This one only caters to an oilman’s needs.”

[fucknotony]

“Soup”

Meaning: “What’s up?”

Taken from: “Wussup?”, which some people instead say “Sup?”, so I just say “Soup?”

...but you gotta “sing” it, like “soooop”; kinda like the beep sound an answering machine makes before you leave a message. Like “Please leave your message after the tone. Soup!”

Use: “Soup?”

[fucknotony]

Got In Touch With My Feminine Side Yesterday...

after I saw a cockroach go down on my toofbrush. Made me Mariah Carey all over myself just a little bit. Just a tad. It made me snatch a wig off'a myself like hale yigglez up in this good bitch, y'know? Saw that shit, and I was SO out, Tom. SO out... Jesus Juicin' it like a muhfuh. But YOU know...

[fucknotony]

Insults That We Use...

minority whip

black necked crane

sub prime loan

hucker

huckabadunker

huckerfucker

huckabee beardsley

billyhuck

corn crackin’ jimmy

peebitch

snow elf

space shuttle

USS Hoines

Jesus Juicer

Poorgia

white hair

crotchwear

syrupy

Marcus

Great Bishamonten

Piledriver

Arbuckle

sprite

fobbert

jojo dancer

lamprey

cat doof

If you hear these words coming out of anyone in my family, you should be upset, and should punch us right in our fuckers.