Let's talk about altering deformities on children against their consent.
[PT: Let's talk about altering deformities on children against their consent.]
Many people ask "at what point should you wait for the child to decide when they're older?" and this is the general consensus that I think should be followed.
Does the deformity impact their physical wellbeing, or is it purely cosmetic?
It affects their physical wellbeing -> Then see next point. It is purely cosmetic -> Then don't do the surgery, it's unnecessary, wait for the child to get older and choose what they want for themself. Stop reinforcing beauty standards.
Can the impact on their physical wellbeing be improved from something other than surgery (ie; mobility aids, assistive tools, etc)?
Yes -> Then don't do the surgery, let the child continue to develop, and decide for themselves what they want when they are older. No -> Then see next point.
Do the risks of the surgery outweigh the risks of the deformities?
The risks of the surgery are less than the risks of the deformity -> Then see next point. The risks of the surgery are more than the risks of the deformity -> then don't do the surgery, let the child decide for themselves what they want when they are older. The risks of the surgery are near-equal to the risks of the deformity -> Then don't do the surgery, let the child decide for themselves what they want when they are older.
Is the impact on their wellbeing actually significant enough to warrant the consideration of surgery?
Have you looked into the experiences of people who were put through this surgery as children? Have you researched how how they felt about it when they grew up?
Are you truly making this choice fully informed, or are you only making a decision based on what a doctor is saying?
I have not looked into the experiences of those who have undergone this surgery -> Then you better start now. I have looked into the experiences of those who have undergone this surgery -> Then you better respect those experiences, and make your decision based on their input on the matter. Remember that the experiences of those who have actually gone through it will reflect your child better than your own personal opinions will.
And, finally.
The most important thing of all.
If, after all is said and done, you decide to go through with the surgery, don't just throw the child into it. Talk to them. Let them know what's happening.
Don't let them go into it uninformed. Explain in a child appropriate way what is going to happen. How long will they be at the hospital for? Where will there be scarring? What part of their body is going to change? How long will it hurt for?
And don't frame it as a "you're defective" talk. Don't demonize their deformity. Just explain to them the risks and benefits of what is happening. Explain to them that all bodies are different, and that sometimes people are born with bodies that might need help, and that's okay.