Right so
Some of you may recall I have no known diagnosis on the source of my ticks nor seizures yet.
Well I was at a friends wedding over the weekend, gorgeous setting lots of fun and nearly cried during the ceremony. Love them dearly.
I had a long and kinda violent tick episode in the evening that scared me pretty bad I was worried it would turn into a seizure or was some form of one already. It was the longest episode of ticks I can recall having and I still dont know what triggered it.
Theres a possibility it was a combination of subconscious nerves I was unaware of, the heat and overstimulation but I was doing well sitting in the shade, drinking water and having frequent low sensory breaks indoors so not so sure there.
The only thing that convinces me I didnt have a seizure is the fact I didnt really lose any mobility or motor functions like I typically do after one.
Setting aside the guilt and mild shame it brought me, I learned a few new ticks during it.
So I'm gonna list all my ticks here because why not.
- head twitch. Sudden jerks to the right often paired with jerks upwards or sticking my neck out and jerking my head forward. Also presents as dropping my chin down to my chest or leaning back just to jerk upright. All of which hurt my neck quite a bit and make the already existing stress and soreness in those muscles worse. Has given me whiplash and headaches.
- blinking and eye rolling. A lot of flickering eye movement and rapid blinking, feels like my eyes are glitching out, they'll also roll up and back and it feels like my eyes are trying hard to go into my skull which hurts more that other eye movements.
- shoulder shaking and jerking. More so movement of my torso but direstrc by my shoulders, the left one likes to jerk forward most and turn me into my own lap a bit, but kinda looks like randomly shaking myself side to side or forward and back in weird jerking movements most of the time. Mostly happens when I'm on the floor but has happened while sitting and trying to hold myself steady.
- verbal: popping, saying "mah" or a couple other short sounds, making the mrrp/brrp sound cats make, (new or just triggering a worse version of my speach impediment/stutter) stumbling and getting stuck on words while I talk (saying fuck seems to fix it lol)
- shaking hands, twitching finger usually right index, clenching and opening hands, hitting or near hitting myself, (new) thumb spinning in its socket usually left it seems.
- (new) leg shaking, switches between legs, sometimes both, made my feet tap or bounce. I found it incredibly annoying like extreme restless leg syndrome. Made my legs a tired unsteady shaky when I walked after it ended.
I think that's all of them that I noticed or can think of.
My friends kept me from having a panic attack during it thankfully, provided physical grounding but also made it harder to not pay so much attention to the ticks when there was attention on me. Couple of them (individually at individual times) also walked with me during it to a new spot and after to make sure I wouldnt fall or anything.
So I was fine, supported, just scared myself and felt like crap for it happening during a wedding and taking one of the grooms attention for a bit and making everyone worry. (Working on not feeling negative about it and not beating myself up for it either)
I still greatly hate my body at times and this is one of my reasons why I suppose.
