Not everyone you lose is a loss
To the friends who I spent countless hours with
To the friends who laughed with me until it hurt
To the friends I shared tears with
To the friends who experienced the pain of a rough childhood
To the friend who hated that I went to church
To the friend who was self absorbed
To the friend who used me to get what they wanted
To the friends that dropped me like a fly when I needed them most
To the friends who claimed to care for me
Thank you for teaching me that friends aren’t forever and that’s okay.
Thank you for only needing me when you needed money or a ride
Thank you for walking out on the jobs I helped you get
Thank you for leaving me in the middle of the street to go smoke weed
Thank you for leaving me alone in your home so you could have sex
Thank you for flirting with the boys I was interested in
Thank you for the Facebook posts and tweets when my dad died
Thank you for not doing emotions
Thank you for talking bad about your “friends” in front of me
Thank you for trying to make me feel like I was the one who ruined it all.
We have this expectation that when you grow up with someone you are going to be best friends for life. In some cases you may, in other cases it’s okay to grow apart. Lately I’ve realized that friendships aren’t forever, but the gratitude I have for them will be.
I am grateful for the hours spent laughing, crying, fighting, and sharing life.
I am grateful I realized how self absorbed you are
I am grateful you couldn’t be there for me when my dad passed
I am grateful you cared for me when it was convenient for you.
I am grateful you showed me that friends aren’t forever.
Everyone struggles and I get it, I’m not perfect and I’ve probably hurt you too, but I’m done apologizing for your actions. I completely accept my role in this. I’m realizing now that I’ve let myself down by taking on all the blame and allowing you to dictate how I should feel. It’s not like you meant to hurt me or your goal was to ice me out when I needed you most, but it happened.
I’m no longer going to say sorry to you
I’m no longer going to worry what you think
I’m no longer going to be a part of this lie you’ve made up in your head that you’ve done nothing.
I’m no longer going blame myself for the things you personally struggle with.
When I was at my weakest I found out who my true friends were, and they are amazing and I am blessed. To think I am so worried about what I lost and not what I have is ludicrous and it needs to end here and now. I want to enjoy my life with the people I love and that love me back.
I want to enjoy honesty
I want to enjoy the friends who try
I want to enjoy being free of toxic people
I need to enjoy this one life I have to live
I’m sad that we grew apart, but i’ll never be sorry for you again. Friendships aren’t forever, and that’s okay.