Art by @cavematsu and old au shared with @girlymatsu and @ichikos ! The run down is tottys wife passes away after giving birth to their son, and 8 months later we fuck and it’s bad for both of us.
You look so much like her it's insane. Todomatsu can see the similarities to the point where the differences might as well not exist.
But they do, and you pale in her memory. Like a generic copy of Todomatsu's dead wife, which is probably why he always thought about you during work.
Not to keep you in his back pocket, you weren't an option and Todomatsu would never betray the love of his life. Not for you - not for the poor man's Dani.
Your lips aren't as full as her's were, but that lipstick shade is close enough. Your complexion a bit more cool, almost murky in comparison to Dani's warm hue. Your eyelashes are not as full, but you have less laugh lines.
Even though Todomatsu never thought of you as Dani, nor Dani as you but it was easy before to tell the difference. Your voice is higher than Dani's naturally low pitch, despite being the same weight your fat pooled almost equally in your upper and lower half while Dani's shape was more a pear than hourglass.
She didn't need this much mascara, and she didn't need glasses. Dani kept her hair styled in a cute pixie that took much longer than Todomatsu would ever expect to maintain.
Under the Christmas lights Todomatsu can see all of the differences, but in the face of the similarities they might as well not exist.
You're bursting out into laughter, spitting out a bit of alcohol at a joke Osomatsu made at Todomatsu's expense. Dani would've laughed like that too, Dani had laugh lines from the amount of unadulterated joy she felt, and Todomatsu can see the hint of your overbite and beyond that your tongue. It's color and shape... Todomatsu looks away feeling flustered.
"He used to be afraid of the dark too." You lean over and push Todomatsu by the shoulder with tears in your eyes, "What?! For real?!"
A beauty mark right next to your lip, one right under your eye. Dani's mirrored the positions exactly.
Todomatsu's known you for a long time but he's never met with you outside of work. Why would he when he was so happy and in love?
You'd given him advice to relay to Dani, you'd even given him some old baby clothes before the ultrasound revealed Matsumatsu's sex. You offered tips based on your own history with a heart condition and the hardships you faced when dying during pregnancy.
But you lived and Dani did not.
"That was such a long time ago, Osomatsu-niisan. I'm not like that anymore." Todomatsu looks away again but he can't keep his eyes off of you.
You're throwing back another shot of sake and Todomatsu takes a drink of his own after each one. You keep smiling and touching him, and Todomatsu wonders would it be alright just this once?
Do you want him?
Would you care if he pretended you were Dani? After all its only been eight months, surely you'd understand the pain Todomatsu's going through. It's so hard to lose the love of your life, and Todomatsu has needs...
If you'd be willing to help him, he'd make it worth your time?
After all, aren’t you always offering to help Todomatsu out? His work, that he gratefully pushes off onto you, his child that he drops off in the early mornings so Todomatsu can sleep for at least an hour without wanting to smother the little bastard. Todomatsu let’s you give and give, and surely you want something in return.
You want him, right? For Todomatsu to repay your kindness, by letting you replace what he lost? That’s your goal, isn’t it?
Why else would you care so much? Isn’t the excuse, “I know how hard it is to lose someone,” a bit too lame? You’re divorced too, and for as long as Todomatsu’s known you, there’s this vibe of insecurity and over eagerness.
This time Todomatsu has something to give back. Maybe Todomatsu can repay you for everything you’ve done, he won’t ever promise you Dani’s place -but…can’t Todomatsu get what he really wants more than anything? You can stop doing the other favors if you need to, but this one is the most important.
Todomatsu has needs and you’re the only one left to fulfill them.
You're doubling over in laughter after Erina's pun. Dani would've shot a joke back thrice as funny without hesitation but you're choking trying to get your rebuttal out.
When you make eye contact with Todomatsu it terrifies him because that's not how his Dani smiled.
"I met your twin today at work, why didn't you tell me about her?" Todomatsu told Dani conversationally, she looked at him with confusion, "My twin?"
"Yeah another new recruite. You guys both have the same birthday and last name, it's almost as if you don't take me seriously or something."
Dani asked for the information and it turns out no, when she stared at your contact card she giggled and said, "Jesus Christ I can't expect you to remember me in a murder line up, could I?"
Simpson and Simplins. August 1st and August 2nd, in the same year too. That day when he learned these things about you Todomatsu automatically edited them in his memory so these aligned perfectly with his Dani.
Erina's talking again and Todomatsu's downing his 6th drink of the evening. He probably shouldn't have anymore.
"If you could have sex with one real person in all of history who would it be?"
The smell of gingerbread is gonna make Todomatsu sick, but jeez his dick is so hard thinking about the answer.
"My dead wife." Todomatsu's eyes begin to water and Osomatsu sucks in a breath next to Erina, he even starts scratching his cheek awkwardly. "Who died in childbirth eight months ago, I'd love to have sex with her one last time."
Just a few simple simple gestures and suddenly Dani is back in front of Todomatsu, alive and well with her swollen stomach and beautiful smile.
"My body still yearns for her." You snort immaturely next to Todomatsu, leaning over and Todomatsu slumps to the table.
"Lemme see her."
You slowly slurp from your shot glass, judging Dani critically, before swallowing the entire drink. "The ultimate downside of finding the one is she might die and leave you wanting." It's half bragging, half pure grief that has Todomatsu extending the phone towards you.
So you can see what you're being compared to. The perfection that was his Dani. You're drunk and when you finally wobble enough to sit up straight the first thing you slur is, "I pick your dead wife too."
What?
Todomatsu blanks, "She's so hot I want her to ruin me." You then snatch the phone from Todomatsu and show it to Erina, "Look how hot this dead girl is! If I knew how a threesome worked, boy say..."
You start pouring yourself another drink, but Todomatsu reaches out without thinking to stop you. He briefly tries to calculate if you're too drunk to make a move on, if it'd be wrong to try to take you home.
"What's wrong, Todomatsu-kun?" You ask, "I think you might've had enough tonight." Todomatsu gingerly pries the bottleneck from your hands.
"Don't worry, I'm actually faking this." You tell him with a wink which immediately lets Todomatsu know you've had too much. "Alright." He humors you while Osomatsu and Erina sneak off into their own little world.
"No, I definitely am." You look a lot more aware and less loopy than before. "In fact I can sound perfectly normal if I wanted to." That's a scary little trick. Your voice switches to its sober cadence.
"Are you lonely, Todomatsu-kun? I know I am these days."
Maybe Todomatsu was actually the drunk one because one moment you asked him a question, the next Todomatsu finds himself in his back on your bed.
When'd he get here, when did you take off his clothes? All Todomatsu can remember is a few disconnected sensations of pure ecstacy. Like a high he'd been chasing forever.
Todomatsu's Dani wouldn't have played coy for so long, she wouldn't have hinted at what she wanted. She wouldn't have used a joke to cover her desire.
Dani wasn't vulgar by any means, just open. She wanted Todomatsu and she let him know that without the confusion of subtly.
He can't close his eyes for this, not really. If Todomatsu closes his eyes then Dani disappears and all he'll be left with is your voice, and not her appearance.
You're beautiful in your own right, but you don't know how to touch Todomatsu like Dani could. He can still remember how she would drag her nails across his chest when she rode him. You're just clutching Todomatsu's shoulder with an unsteady grip, like you might push him away any second.
She's almost you, Todomatsu thinks when your nails hurt him. You're smiling - that's so it's familiar, your teeth catch your bottom lip just like his Dani's, and as Todomatsu lifts his pelvis you puff out like a gasp.
You say Todomatsu's name and he murmurs Danielle's. He can't look away, even as your head whips down in confusion.
"Hey?" Your voice isn't gentle, but even though it's clear you're offended you aren't shoving Todomatsu yet. You're still grinding so you can't be that mad.
"Don't call me by her name." Todomatsu shivers, so your voice can get that deep too? If he tries his best those dark freckles have their positioning flipped, and Todomatsu can pretend that the hints of your dark hair are actually a part of the ceiling.
Your glasses are pressing into Todomatsu's elbow where he's gonna keep them. You aren’t supposed to have those.
"I'm not her." Todomatsu blinks and he can't even see you anymore in his bleary vision.
"Todomatsu." You're losing your resolve quickly because Todomatsu remembers how much you loved it when he fucked you like this. "Keep up that energy, babe." Why didn’t you say it like how you’re supposed to?
Why did you say, “Please keep it up,” instead? Don’t you remember how you used to talk to Todomatsu?
Todomatsu hears your voice and corrects the mistake that goes through in ear out of the other, "I like that, Totty." Why would you say that, Dani? Of course you like that... oh Danielle... Does that feel good?
That whimper isn't right - and Todomatsu's lucky that he can't see a thing because he's sure the expression on your face doesn't match the mischievous, toothy little grin he's used to.
Todomatsu's grateful for the tears he can't wipe away, he's appreciative that your hips feel just a little lighter than before too.
When you were pregnant it was so hard to lift you like this. When you were - Todomatsu in a panic touched your stomach to make sure that little bastar- his son. Your son. Isn't there to kill you?
He sighs blissfully when he realizes your stomach is only padded with fat.
The noises he's making are harder to conceal, and you're not as passionate as before. "Please."
Todomatsu whines, "Don't make me beg, Dani." You snort, and that's his girl. Tease me, grab me by my hair and bite into my neck. Dominate me in every way, make me submit. Todomatsu's missed you so much, and he's been so good.
"C'mon now." You break the spell momentarily.
"That's not my name...This is getting uncomfortable," You still haven't stopped riding Todomatsu and he hasn't stopped pumping his pelvis into you.
"Could you actually at least not say her name?" You're mumbling something about trying to be understanding of his grief, but you're starting to feel bad.
"I know I'm not as pretty as she was, but can it just be me and you? Please?" You're cupping the bottom of Todomatsu's cheek, trying to wipe away his tears.
"You're making me feel worse than I already do." Todomatsu can hear what Dani would've say in his ears. This is getting pathetic all around, babe. If you're gonna sleep with someone else, at least do it properly. You can't triple cuck everyone involved and make it not weird.
Todomatsu swallows, trying to pick his next words carefully, he's being greedy and can tell he's not gonna get another shot at fucking Dani again.
You've finally stopped moving altogether, Todomatsu's tears have been dabbed from his cheeks and you look more terrified than he'd ever seen you at the office.
"No..." You suck in a breath, the absence of warmth will be missed but only briefly. "You're just as beautiful as she was I... you seriously look exactly like her, so I was being rude. I'm sorry."
Dani would've cussed Todomatsu out, she would've crashed her lips into his, and kissed him until he couldn't breathe. Dani didn't do jealousy, she knew she had Todomatsu wrapped around her finger and it took very little to regain his fleetingly wandering attention. That's what she did two years ago when you first showed up at the office. So Todomatsu wouldn't forget about her.
"You're not Danielle, and I know that." You settle next to Todomatsu to study the ceiling.
You're quiet.
"I don't want to be your band-aid."
That's bullshit. The selfishness in Todomatsu wants to scream hypocrite! Liar! Instead Todomatsu tilts his head up to look at your ceiling with you.
"Why not?" He asks softly so the rage in heart settles, "Isn't that the whole reason you're sleeping with me? Aren't you using me as your bandage?"
This line of thinking catches you off guard, "I wasn't imagining my ex." You defend yourself half heartedly, Todomatsu can tell you're picking your words carefully. "I didn't call you the wrong name." You don't even sound jealous.
"But you would've been here with anyone else since it's not as if you like me, or that I'm special to you." You roll over but don't kick Todomatsu out yet.
"You left your ex so you're lonely, and my wife was taken from me so now I'm lonely. Let's be each other's band-aids for tonight."
Todomatsu knows you've got one argument left in you and it's the same one he'd use in your position in order to hit under the belt.
Do you really think I'm okay with being her replacement?
No.
"Just say my name, okay?" That's such a pathetic request, and Todomatsu pitied you almost as he pities himself when you pull him ontop. "Don't call me Danielle, please." You're on the verge of tears, Todomatsu can hear just how vast that pit must be.
You sound so alone.
"I won't, Robin." You've looped your arms around Todomatsu's neck, and he kisses you tenderly when he slides between your thighs. Todomatsu understands his grief like he knows the back of his hand.
But this?
Todomatsu didn't expect to shift his attention from his own pain to the suffering of someone else. You're cautious in your neediness, like you're afraid that Todomatsu will say or do something that bruises you further. Your tongue is shy and skittish, your lips yield to Todomatsu's, you melt like snow under the warmth of his touch.
He hates having this much control. You feel so good wrapped around Todomatsu to the point where he could let you dissolve him. Swallow him whole until there's nothing left to give.
Todomatsu feels so alone.
The word slips out sincerely under Todomatsu's tongue, through his teeth and into your mouth. "Thank you so much for this." You pull away and Todomatsu murmurs them more into your neck, pressing a few kisses as he goes.
It feels so nice, so warm. "Thank you, Robin." Todomatsu pities you an incredible amount when the friction slicks, you really want to hear your name. "Thank you, Robin." You're squirming, and so much wetter.
If Todomatsu lifts your leg, you hold it there, if Todomatsu pins your hands you stay still. He can manipulate and control your body which is a freedom he's unaccustomed to. There's places to touch that Todomatsu's never felt before, new textures that he wants to explore, differences in anatomical variations. He wants to know more, to consume it. To bite, chew and swallow this novelty.
Dani wasn't submissive, Dani wasn't like this, and it's not Dani that Todomatsu is nailing to this bed. He's only been thinking of you - his Robin... No, Todomatsu tries to stake claim but it feels wrong. You're not his Robin. He doesn't own you, or can align himself with you in that regard. Todomatsu's heart still belongs in that urn sitting on the mantle of his living room. On that alter, with that picture, in the dust with his Danielle.
Danielle's Todomatsu is crying again, and you've just closed your eyes. You're ignoring Todomatsu's whimpers and sniffles, instead letting him bleed out in order to dress your own wounds.
"I love you?" You don't even sound convinced when you speak, Todomatsu can't tell if it's a poorly timed but legitimate confession, or if you're saying them in order to fulfill a fantasy.
"I love you too, Robin." Your eyes pop open wide, with the most lovely surprised smile, "You do?!" God, you ask so drunk and sweet that Todomatsu can't even feel guilty for lying.
"I always have." He plays along, that relief in your expression can't be wrong. "Ah! Th-thank you too then!"
You were wet before, and Todomatsu was enjoying fucking you but now, you're lying to Todomatsu and he's lying to you in turn. It's only been a few minutes but the sound of someone moaning his name, and saying so dishonestly honest 'I love you', while rolling their hips.
Todomatsu cums faster than he thought he would, and the second he does he breaks into a sob as he lies to you one more time, "I love you Robin." A major betrayal, and Todomatsu realizes with a jump he didn't use protection. Todomatsu cheated on the love of his life tonight and he didn't even use a condom.
You could get pregnant - Todomatsu could lose you too, he could kill you just like he killed his Dani. Todomatsu settles onto your chest, heaving hard to suppress the urge to hyperventilate. He won't throw up if he can find your heartbeat.
Todomatsu is driven by logic, there's nothing to he done at this point, if you're pregnant you'll get an abortion. He won't let you die.
Todomatsu nuzzles you until he locates your pulse. With an ear pressed Todomatsu stops choking, he stops writhing and his breathing stabilizes.
It'll be alright, Todomatsu won't make the same mistake twice. He won't.
_____________
This marriage is out of convenience since you seem hell bent on getting another kid. "Y'know, I'm kinda scared you never actually wanted to sleep with me. You just wanted to get pregnant."
Todomatsu's frustrated a bit since you only talk about the children, and work. He doesn't know a thing about you other than you love babies.
"I wouldn't have done that when I could just steal my cutie pie." You bow raspberries on Matsumatsu - Touhimatsu's cheeks. It's gonna take time getting used to, but Todomatsu is getting better at remembering his baby's new name.
Your toddler pokes Todomatsu's one year old son, then demands kisses of her own. The three of you are really affectionate, Todomatsu thinks with
envy. Over the months Touhimatsu's has become brighter of a child, now smiling at Todomatsu more than ever. He began crying and calling for mama so often you told Todomatsu you weren't leaving your son by himself.
Your son.
You claimed Touhimatsu as flesh and blood for months now, and he's come to love you as his primary caregiver. You sing to him, feed him, play, nap, change him and do all the little things Todomatsu was too tired to do with a smile. You look like his mother too, there's no denying that fact. Your physical appearance aside, the care you show for Touhimatsu is the exact amount you show for Vivi.
Touhimatsu is loved more as your son than he ever was by Todomatsu alone.
"Touuuhibibabyy!" You're singing one of your silly songs, and Vivi joins you, then Touhimatsu babbles along. The three of you start singing some love song you altered the lyrics to be appropriate for familial love.
This picnic is peaceful, the breeze is nice, Todomatsu's two children are laughing while you play a game of peakaboo, and everything feels wonderful. Todomatsu hopes the bittersweet taste will leave him soon, but for now he's glad he can witness this family. One day Todomatsu will feel apart of it by choice.
One day Todomatsu knows he'll feel happy that this is his life, one without conditions, or Dani's death as a prerequisite. One day Todomatsu will say, "I'm happy to be alive, and I love my family." and he'll mean it with his whole heart.
But for today, Danielle's Todomatsu sits with her on that mantle, in the urn, between the ribs of her shrine. He's smiling for her right now, but soon Todomatsu will smile for himself.
What if you fell in love with ur boybride one week after his mom died and he latched onto you and clung and you fell in love with him, and your entire relationship and codependency originates from grief? What then?
