#touch-starved steve

[harringtonstar]

Steddie but Steve does not realize he’s touch-starved until he and Eddie are together. Cause hey, he has sex. Steve is touched all the time. Right? Dustin hugs him, Robin leans on him like he’s the cluttered counter at family video, and his dates can’t keep their hands off of him. Point is, Steve is fine… so why does he feel so… needy?

He doesn’t even realize it at first. Why would he? It starts with little lingering touches: a hand on the knee, on the small of his back or on his shoulder. Things that leave him unknowingly craving more. That is, until one late night when hanging out at Eddie’s trailer, Steve seems really stressed. Why? He doesn’t really know himself. He’s worked up, pacing, running his hand through his hair until its usual careful style is a mess.

And well, Eddie has had enough by the time Steve starts huffing, so he gets his attention with a wave and drawl of, “alright Harrington. You look tense, dude. And all that pacing is fucking with my nerves. Just c’mere.”

Steve hesitates but quickly decides with a shrug, what the hell, why not? Eddie pulls him down into his lap on the floor at the end of the bed. It’s a little surreal, especially when Steve finds himself liking it when the other boy’s dark curls brush his cheek, tickling his skin. The smell of bong water staining the carpet makes Steve’s nose wrinkle at first, but that’s soon forgotten, because next thing he knows, Eddie is playing with his hair. And it feels good. Really good. Eddie’s long fingers spread out, lightly scratching his scalp and scrunching in his hair, sending tingles all down Steve’s toned arms and back. The veins on his biceps pop out when the muscles in them tighten, a side effect of the heavy, pleasant shudder that runs through him.

Steve isn’t used to this. Sure, his dates run their hands through his hair all the time, tugging and tangling tight. And Steve likes that… but Eddie’s fingers aren’t moving with the intent of something transactional. That’s new. Instead, his fingers are almost sensual as they slowly and purposely run through Steve’s thick waves. Paying extra attention to the little spots next to his ears and nape that curl, because it makes goosebumps rise on his arms. Steve thinks he might almost die right there.

Which would be unfortunate, because he’d miss Eddie adding his lips to the mix. Slow, peppering kisses that have Steve melting even further into a puddle in the metalhead’s arms. Plump, pillowy lips over slightly tanned skin. So warm. Damp too. And maybe just a little bit sloppy as he leaves pecks dotting soothingly over Steve’s moles and freckles. While at the same time, Eddie’s fingers carefully card through the thick expanse of hair on his chest. It would be overwhelming if Eddie weren’t so soft about it. Twice, Eddie sneaks in a sweet kiss to Steve’s lips, their plush mouths slotting together like puzzle pieces. The feeling of it warms Steve considerably, causing pink to dust his cheeks in the low light that makes Eddie grin. Surprisingly, it didn’t take much to settle Steve completely.

And Steve’s eyes would eventually droop with sleepiness—Eddie really is just that good at this whole touching thing—dozing off with his head against Eddie’s chest and the curl of his lips into a smile… because shit, he’s definitely touch-starved, but now he knows what it’s like to be taken care of too.

I decided to try and come out of my long writing slump with some wholesome Steddie, so this is just a quick 2AM blurb about touch-starved Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson trying to fix it. hope you like it!

(also, if you’d like to join my taglist, click HERE)

[strangersteddierthings]

The thing is, Steve has learned, that becoming untouchable isn't all he wants it to be.

People were too quick to try and reach out for him, ask for more than he was willing to give. He hadn't wanted to give up his first kiss to some random girl at some random boy's twelfth birthday party because of spin the bottle. He hadn't wanted to play Seven Minutes in Heaven with Jenny Jackson or Linda Simons at Tommy's birthday party the following year. He did want to take Mary Linscott to Snow Ball, but she just wanted to make out behind the bleachers instead of dance with him. He didn't want to do that but then Brian called him stupid for not wanting to, and asked if he was queer. So, Steve had turned right back around and dragged Mary back under the bleachers, kissing her until it was time to go to prove Brian wrong.

(Even though Steve knows Brian isn't wrong. That Steve had wanted to ask Brian to the dance as much as he'd wanted to ask Mary but knew better than to do that. He saw how they treated Eddie Munson last year for the suspicion of liking other boys and Steve wasn't going to let that happen to himself.)

Brian had congratulated him after and asked what base he got to. Steve didn't want to get to any bases, but he couldn't say that, so he just punched Brian in the arm and said 'more bases than you' which was true because Brian's date didn't kiss him even once.

Then Carol Perkins approached him at lunch, shortly after Snow Ball, and asked if Steve would be her first kiss. Not because she wanted to kiss Steve, but because she wanted to kiss Tommy H, but didn't want to be bad at kissing. Steve agreed because he liked Carol. Not in the way she liked Tommy, but mostly because she'd asked.

No one had done that yet.

She came over to his house on a Saturday because she didn't want Tommy to catch them and think she didn't like him. They made out in his room because, despite his parents being home, they didn't really care who was in his room with him or if the door was open or shut. Probably didn't even notice he had someone over. She leaves an hour later.

By Tuesday Tommy and Carol are an item and by Friday they were Steve's best friends.

However, for reasons Steve doesn't understand, more girls keep asking him to be their first kiss. And maybe it's because he's already got a reputation, or maybe Carol let slip he'd said yes when she asked, but Steve finds himself kissing a lot of girls he doesn't want to. He doesn't know how to say no. Can't find a reason too. Brian's words play in the back of his mind every time he thinks about saying no.

(Are you stupid? Are you queer? He doesn't want to be either of those things, and given his grade in biology and pre-algebra, he's really only got a hope of avoiding the queer label. His father would tolerate a stupid son. He doesn't think he'd survive if his father had a queer one.)

There are a few girls he's been crushing on that ask him and that was nice. One, Alice Baker, even becomes his girlfriend for a month. His first relationship.

Soon eighth grade gives way to being a freshman and Steve, who has always been handsome and cute, catches the eye of upperclassmen now.

And Steve's not sure how it happens, but he ends up moving past first base with another girl whose name he can't remember, or possibly never knew. He doesn't remember asking her for hers when she led him into one of the bedrooms at the house this party was at while he was way too tipsy.

And then it just grows. The reputation and what people expect from him, and he doesn't want it, but he's never said no before so can he start now? Doesn't he need a reason to say no? If he doesn't have a reason, does that make him queer? He should be wanting this. What boy doesn't want this?

And maybe he does want it. But not like this.

He doesn't want to be slightly drunk at yet another party, following the first girl that grabs his wrist and pulls him after her into whatever secluded area they can find. He doesn't want to keep saying yes when he wants to say no.

The summer between freshman and sophomore year he confides in Carol. It's a risk. Carol can be cruel, quick with her words to tear you down, to spread the rumor that will ruin your life. But she's also fiercely loyal.

He tells her he's tired of kissing people he doesn't want to.

Carol is quiet for a long time, and Steve almost thinks he's made a mistake. But then she speaks.

"Okay. Let's make a plan."

And they do. Then suddenly Steve is untouchable. Carol teaches him how to see the weakness in people and call it out. How to wield his facial expressions as a weapon and a shield. How to put on the air of being the most important person everywhere you go so well that everyone else begins to believe it. How to fall back on the fact his parents are rich, gone often, and, almost most importantly, well known in the community. It gives Steve's name a weight to throw around.

More importantly, all of that culminates in people no longer asking things of him. Instead, they look to him to take the lead, they wait to be asked. It makes Steve feel in charge of his life for once.

But now.

Now, years later, having survived a spring break from Hell and averted the apocalypse, Steve watches Eddie hang off Argyle with ease, fling an arm over Jonathan's shoulder while laughing at a joke, easily pull Dustin into a headlock or wrestling match.

Easy touches that Steve should be able to do, too. A jealousy wells inside him almost as much as the unease he feels in his stomach at the mere thought of letting them know they're allowed to reach out and touch him, too. That Eddie's allowed to reach out and touch.

But then he remembers what happened when he let people have that power over him and he can't bring himself to do it.

It settles in Steve, then, the realization. When you become untouchable, you're unable to touch.

-

@nburkhardt @i-less-than-three-you adding my own lil bit of angst into the mix now (: