#toughies

[laladventures]

Cheeky subligars!

[the-skeleton-speaks]

I should make Jon (TMA) go through Baulders gate three at some point AJDJSJJCJD

Hmmmm what class tho

[fatphobiabusters]

Advice

Hello friends! i hope its okay that im asking for some advice. this may be a long post, so im sorry. 

I am fat. my best friend, who we can call A, used to be fat. we have been best friends basically forever and we are now in our mid- to late-20s. a little over 5 years ago A start having some health problems, and started eating more nutritious food and exercising to try to combat them. she ended up getting into nutrition and fitness and lost a lot of weight. we both used to be small fats, now she is in single digit sizes and im over a size 20. she is one of the sweetest people i know, and she is not fatphobic or anything. 

anyway. after A lost the weight, i have always had trouble getting over the jealousy that i feel. a couple years ago she met a great guy, who is everything i would want in a partner too, and they are getting married. A has a huge ring and the guy treats her like a queen. she asked me to be her maid of honor and i said yes but now im regretting it. i am the biggest girl in the bridal party and im just jealous because i feel like she is the one getting married to this great guy because shes thin. he makes jokes about how her going to the gym all the time ‘works out’ for him too

for her bachelorette party a couple weeks ago we went to the beach for the weekend. we went bar hopping the first night and she kept getting approached by all the hot guys at the bar (she doesnt wear her ring when going out at night and stuff because it is so big it draws attention and higher chance of violence or robbery). she just rejected the guys anyway obviously. the next day we went out to the beach and hung out and she got hit on again. i asked if maybe she could wear something less 'hot’ when we went out that night so maybe i could get more attention. she kind of looked confused and she said it was her bachelorette party and she dressed in a way where she felt good, and if a guy isnt going to give me attention anyway he isnt worth it, blah blah blah. i got mad and ended up not going out that night. on top of that, she made a joke the next morning to a different bridesmaid about how if she kept eating like this she would not fit into her dress since shes had her last fitting already. it just hurt my feelings 

her wedding is in a little over 2 weeks and i honestly dont want to be in it anymore. im tired of being the fat friend to her thin girl. i told another friend of ours how i was feeling and she said im being selfish so i dont know what to do. 

any advice would be great. im sorry for this being so long. also sorry i had to use a throwaway but she follows my main.

Long answer short:  I agree with your friend.

[ GIF Description: Ruby and Sapphire Together with Garnet and Stevonnie in the back. Ruby is attacked by a butterfly and it makes her frustrated. ] My advice to you would be to  step back and truly think about how your jealousy and self-esteem has been changing how you act . If you can, pretend that these two emotions are separate people from you that you can sit with at a table. Ask them/yourself:  

Would you say the things you said if she was the size she was 5 years ago? 

How would you feel if the tables have turned and A said those things about you? 

Are you able to put your jealousy to the side and be truly supportive? And, if not, what can you do so you can get your head in the game?  

I’ve read your ask a few times and  I noticed a couple of things that you've brought up.

For Starters, You’ve admitted that you’re jealous and uncomfortable with your body -- a double combination when it comes to being happy for your friend. Internalized Fatphobia is a bitch.

It sounds to me that because of her new size as well as the size of the other people participating in the wedding, you’re feeling out of sorts, despite that A does not see you any different.

Despite A’s change in body  and her new relationship she still cares for you and wants you as her friend. She’s not fatphobic towards you and despite the smaller company she keeps she doesn't push you to join the thinner herd . That’s the true inclusion and respect we wish everyone gave fat people. She knows you shine in your size and cherishes  you as you.

[GIF Description: Happy, Dancing Garnet! ]

Congrats on that by the way. Being a Maid of Honor is a big fucking deal!<3

A’s right, too-- the shallow attention for your body is not ideal for long term relationships. It’s hella annoying and disrespectful to be hit on just because of your body rather than you as a person.  Someone like you deserves to  get the right attention -- which wouldn't matter what you wear or how big you are. You’re great as you are and you dont need other people’s validation. Your beauty is there. And even if you dont see it, its time to work on accepting who you are.

For you to ask A to change outfits because she’s getting more attention than you  is not fair to her. For you to not be there on a big celebration night for her just because your self-esteem is not cool. That’s her body -- she can wear what she pleases! 

Your jealousy is keeping you from being 100% there for A.  Would you really want to bow out on your best friend?

My last bit of advice is to listen to other people’s stories and work on building up your self esteem. We try our best to tag our stuff, so check out our Internalized Fatphobia Tag. I remember I’ve answered a few others about their fatphobia so peek at the Domino Speaks Tag. The Fat Fetish Tag is another one to look at to see why its not a fun idea to get attention strictly for your body.  And, while its not completely on the same boat, I want to bring up this particular ask . It was on the other side of your story where a smaller bride had a friend that was fighting her internalized fatphobia… and see if that answer I gave her can help to. 

[ GIF Description: Tired person at the computer. ] 

I apologize in kind for the long reply. I’ve been holding onto this for a while to try and give the best answer as possible. I really hope this helps. And if it doesn't, send a small ask for me and I’ll talk to you one-on-one. Best Wishes! Mod Dom

[habbocaps]

[guitaristtv]

#support the #Toti #Toughies donate a couple squids here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/toti-toughies (at Winchester, Hampshire)

[defectivepudding]

Thank you everyone who could come out!! It was supa fun to see everyone enjoying the show!! 😆💕 #toughies #gallery #cuteandrude #originalart #popsurrealism #acrylics #framedart #sanantonioartshow

[defectivepudding]

Also the I will make a post once the online shop with all the available pieces is open. So stay tuned! #lowbrowart #sansntonioartshow #popsurrealism #gallery #cuteandrude #originalart #toughies

[breenache]

Hellen Jo was the featured artist this year! It's great to see ladies drawing up even more fierce and badass ladies #life goals #sfzf #hellenjo #femalecomicbookartists #toughies