Pretty toxic rambles
Trigger warnings: self destructive behaviour, tw good and bad child behaviour stuff/ childhood trauma, tw dissociation
I feel weird.
I just hit my own head with force because I was being a stupid and bad child.( The thing that made me see myself as a stupid and bad child was that, I was too scared to get water because my mother is in the kitchen. But she's acting nice now, so that means she wasn't mean before and that I'm just remembering things wrong. Which then means that I should punish myself for thinking and feeling such stupid things like being scared of my mother. I'm just being overreactive/childish and am making my mother to be a villain when she has bought so many things for my school trip.)
But I also made a rule that hurting myself is bad and that I shouldn't do that.
So it was bad child behaviour for me to hurt myself but it also would have been bad child behaviour if I didn't punish myself.
There's no possible good child behaviour in this, and that then means I'm just a bad child.
I'm starting to feel light headed after writing this down.
I don't know if it's the dehydration and lack of sleep.
It probably is both.
