#toxic spouse

[atrophicgardenia]

my (bio) father ripped and lit my mom’s $300 some-odd giant snorlax plush on fire. he explained with a smile that “i’m mad!”

she is very sadly and dejectedly spraying the remnants of his “performative art” with the hose to put it out.

[marcelinesghost13]

You don't have the right to gaslight me after everything I've done for you... Maybe you should look in the FUCKING Mirror and see who your real enemy is.

[marcelinesghost13]

Okay Blog a lot shit has happened since I last talked to you. TBH I'm in a really bad mood so I may vent a little.

Let's start off with my dad. He shaved his head bald. Which totally freaked me out. They also shaved his beard off that he's had forever and that always freaks me out too. A couple days ago he got out of the hospital and started wandering around town. I worked with two cops to find him. Eventually I did find him over at Target. He thought we were in Mesa Arizona. So clearly the dementia is getting worse... Which totally sucks. Plus he's getting skinnier and skinnier I don't know why he's not eating but it's concerning. Then I've been working with a bunch of different people in order to get all the paperwork figured out. That being his mortgage his pension and other different stuff we just don't know anything about it. We can't ask him about it because he doesn't remember any of it. So hopefully we can figure everything out once I get POA of finance that might help things. I don't honestly know how much longer my dad will be in this world but I don't think it's going to be that long. So having to get all this finances in order before he passes is definitely a modest. And I'm going to hate the fact that he's not going to be here anymore either.

Okay next topic my fucking spouse. So I'm definitely convinced that she's bipolar. I know she has mass depression I know she has anxiety and I know she has PTSD in her chronic illness. Yet the ups and downs of her behavior indicate that she definitely is bipolar also. Had another fight today about just stupid shit. I got her a Coke and some soda Waters some pizza and I cleaned the litter boxes. Yet she still had a fight with me about how I don't do anything. You're the one that has the house looking like a wreck I don't live there anymore so I don't know how I'm getting blamed for that. She also lets me know in the fight that it's really weird that I'm friends with a bunch of different girls and then I must be fucking them. That's straight up zombie corpse old I am so done with that argument. Like at what point do you realize the reason why I hung around girls is because I am a girl. Like she just is unwilling to accept the fact that I'm transitioning. She still insisting that this whole transition thing is a phase and it's just to get back at her to show her that I could be a better girl than her. My head is thinking what the fuck is going on in that head who comes up with shit like that.

Then we have the whole I'm having a midlife crisis kind of thing. That's the new complaint and bitching at me. Hopefully after I'm done with this midlife crisis me and her can get it back together. yeah that's just not happening and I let her know that today. I don't want to be married to her anymore. I don't love her and I sure as hell don't fucking trust her ass. This woman has fucked me over I don't know how many goddamn fucking times. Yeah I've done all these different things in order to help her. Like I paid for her lawyer just this week because of the domestic abuse case that she has against her. It's things like that that I've done throughout my entire life in our relationship. Yes she continuously insists that I do nothing for her I never have done anything for her. At some point someone gets sick of that kind of crap and that behavior and that someone is me. I just can't do this negativity and ideology that she has on how the world is supposed to work. I have explained to her 100,000 times on how I see the world. Yet she still is unwilling to accept it and is trying to force me to see the world the way she does. I just can't do her small-minded country Catholic bumpkin fucking bullshit. it's just impossible for me to think that way.

Then we have the overly controlling part of the relationship where I have to let her know still what I'm doing day by day. If she doesn't like what I'm doing she lets me know that because I shouldn't be doing that. How do you control my life when I don't even live with you anymore. I just don't understand this overly controlling attitude. Like at what point are you going to understand I don't want to be part of your world. I'll interact with it and I'll try to help you the best I can because I'm a good person but you need to move on like you lost me. She physically assaulted me. Plus she verbally abused because she didn't like the fact that I am trans. Here's the funny part her story for me leaving has changed several times why I left that day. She's also insisting that she's the one who kicked me out. WTF... No sweetheart I left your ass because you're abusive and I did correct her on that today which pissed her off. I am done with this relationship. So I'm going to be selfish and I'm going to work on me and try to become the best woman that I can.

Okay new topic so as some of you know I wrecked my car. Well I got a new one it is a 2013 Camaro which I absolutely love. Plus the previous owner let me know that her name is Ruby and I am going to keep that name for her. She's a beautiful car and I absolutely think I will have her for quite a bit of time.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor and I will be getting off my testosterone blocker and going on HRT. I'm very scared but also very excited about this. I would like to know how I'm going to change physically. But I'm scared how I'm going to change mentally. Either or it's something that needs to happen I need to become the person that I've always meant to be. Also it will be nice not having to hear yes sir no sir okay bro all those words that guys like to use with me I am beyond tired of hearing them. I have made so much effort in order to make my appearance seem as female as possible. Yeah it's guys are still insisting on calling me bro and I'm just so done with that. Yeah on the other hand all the girls are just being so nice and accepting the fact that I will be coming into their world and they accept me with open arms and with love and caring it's so weird how the two different sections see me right now. I prefer the female world a lot more it's definitely more accepting. Also it'll be nice not to be hit on by gay guys anymore I'm pretty much done with that one too. That is just getting really fucking old. I just don't want to have sex with a gay man I have no attraction to gay men at all. Once my transition is complete and I have my facial surgery probably top surgery I'm definitely 90% sure at this point I'm getting bottom surgery I am definitely going to be a lesbian. I may experiment and see what it feels like to be with a guy that's straight but I don't think I would actually be with a guy in a relationship. There's a lot of thoughts going in my head right now what I would or would not do. All in all I'm just trying to figure out my path to happiness because that's all I really want at this point. I do have a lot of roadblocks in my way and I know what those roadblocks are at some point they're going to have to just get the fuck out of the way and realize that they don't work anymore. I have accomplished what my goal is and I'm happy and there's nothing they can do to take that away.

092920241828

[bebyarifien]

The dark side of story

Dulu aku mengira model seperti ini gak ada di dunia nyata. Ternyata ADA.

Mereka (pakai kata ganti bentuk jamak, karena semakin banyak orang model begini) takut ditinggalkan, namun alih-alih memperlakukan kita dengan baik, mereka justru memperlakukan dengan buruk, merendahkan harga diri dengan verbal abuse yang meluncur ringan tanpa filter...

Mereka pikir itu akan membuat kita merasa tidak bisa lebih baik tanpa mereka. (Oow.. si bintang kemilau yang imun dari kesalahan) yang hobi menebar insecurity di dalam keluarga inti. It's horrible!

Seiring waktu, mereka juga iri dengan kualitas baik kita hingga ingin terus menyakiti. Apa yang mereka suka dari kita di awal, akan membenci di akhir hubungan. It's so true. Be brave, jangan lemah. You're stronger than you think you are.

[of-dragons-and-chaos]

You know what's toxic? Giving your partner a compliment but only under your breath and then when they ask you to repeat it, you act like you never said it. Or you change it to an insult.

Toxic is refusing to take a nice picture with your partner, to the point that they beg you for one, just one nice picture pleaae please please.

Toxic is refusing to respect consent and boundaries, even after years and years of begging, then getting angry when your partner lashes out in self-defense.

Toxic is continuing to do things you know hurts your partner or makes them uncomfortable even though they asked you not to, and you said you would stop.

Toxic is saying that your partner is too much. Difficult. Dramatic. Anyone else would leave them.

I deserve better.