plot — You asked your idol boyfriend about his trainee days, the ones surrounding 'Trainee-A' to get to know how he thinks of that name having closed doors..
wc — 3.1k
contains — deep conversation, comfort, silent crying, skinship (hugs, pecks and a forehead kiss.), mentions of Trainee A and Cortis and some sad shit ig
masterlist
not proofread cuz ur girl lazy asf
—
"Wahh.." The soft sigh left your lips as you notice the heavy rain outside. You looked through the window of your apartment in awe.
Even when it was closed, you imagined the breeze on your skin giving you chills. The leaves on the trees planted on the block kept swaying with the wind, heavy with water.
You noticed how the rain made the concrete roads glimmer with the reflection of city lights, blurry but pleasing to watch.
Different styles on umbrellas walked, hiding people underneath. Some had cute designs and others were solid-coloured.
Your head turned. Coming back to reality, you welcomed yourself into the kitchen.
There, on the counter lay two mugs with teabags inside.
One for you and one for your busy boyfriend.
He promised to make time and come over despite his schedule.
"It's just a small task that can be completed on my phone too. Don't worry love, I will be on my way" he said over the phone 30 minutes ago with a smile.
He reassured you and hung up, leaving your soul happy.
It had been past 30 minutes. You knew he would make it late since he had to travel all the way from his company to your place.
Secretly.
You feel grateful that he insists on meeting you even when the majority of times, he wouldn't be able to do so.
The hot kettle remained idle for the past 3 minutes while you were thinking about James and his idol life.
You got a bit too lost in thought that you didn't hear the first doorbell.
You finally begin to reach the door as you heard the second one more louder.
Standing in front of the door, you looked through the peephole. Just incase...
You saw your boyfriend's blurry figure in a cap and some layered thrift clothing.
Opening the door, you were being embraced before you even knew it.
In the process, the hard front of his hat grazed against your temple. He didn't seem to notice and it made you giggle.
He inhaled your scent and kept his head dug inside your collarbone.
"I missed you." his voice muffled.
You hugged his waist gently. "Really?" You ask.
He pulled back saying- "You don't believe me?"
Your smile grew, you quickly shook your head in denial.
"I do believe you."
He gets satisfied with your answer in goes in to envelope you again but this time, his hat really hits the side of your head.
"Ouch–" you whispered to yourself.
He seemed to have noticed his action and your reaction.
He quickly pulled back again and gasped. "I'm so sorry lovely." He gently caressed your temple.
He checked your expression to see if you went through any sort of discomfort.
Right now, it wasn't that deep of an incident but he always checks up on you just incase.
After a very small argument you two had in the early days of the relationship, he confessed that a woman's emotion was hard for him to understand so he made sure to take efforts in the future.
"I'm fine don't worry." You take his hands into your own as you make way for him inside.
"Really?" He asks out of concern.
"You don't believe me?" You repeat his earlier question, even copying his tone.
He smirked playfully.
He went in to peck your temple as he looked back at you with love in his eyes.
He proceeds to remove his shoes with one of his hands while holding onto yours with the other.
He struggles a bit, but had intentions to leave your hand empty.
You just observed him silently, your hands getting warm unlike the weather outdoors.
He lets out an exhausted exhale when he succeeds in taking the shoes off.
You closed the door behind him and left his hands to go back to your tea. He went straight to freshen himself up while you stared at the mugs.
You were fixing the position of the teabag, having the kettle ready to pour in. The water inside had cooled down a bit, so you plugged it in again.
You waited for a short time before it finally turned hot again.
The burning water filled the mugs, and now you just had to wait for it to do it's magic.
You returned to your thoughts. The one about James's past. You pondered if you should bring up the topic or not.
After waiting for about 5 minutes more, you removed the teabags from the mugs and kept them aside for now.
"Green Tea?" A voice behind you hummed.
You didn't flinch since you were used to this now. He often shows up out of nowhere and talks casually with you.
"Mhm." you nodded and looked to your side.
Your boyfriend stood there in a comfy outfit, his hair washed, with water even dripping onto you as he stood leaning against you.
"Your head is okay right?" He asks one more time as he looks at you.
You chuckled, taking both mugs in your hands and turning to face him.
"I'm still alive, calm down babe." You offered a mug to him.
He takes it carefully not to burn his own hand.
You both sipped on it there itself to check if it needed anything or not, it was like an unspoken tradition between you two.
A few months ago, you both felt like something was always missing in what you guys ate, so he and you used to go back and forth in the kitchen over minor inconveniences.
It was tiring although it wasn't supposed to be.
That problem ended with the solution of just staying in the kitchen until you two find the right taste.
"Is it good?" You asked instinctively watching him drink it slowly.
He nodded. "What about you?"
"It's alright for me." You just shrugged your shoulders and took another sip.
"You want to add anything in it?" James asks.
"No, I'm good." You grinned.
"Well then.. let's sit at the couch?" He says lowly.
You giggled looking to your side since you found him adorable.
You nodded your head. "Yeah, let's go."
On the couch, relaxation hit different. Both of your backs were pressed unto the soft grey cushion. He was scrolling through his schedule on his phone.
You left the mug on the coffee table for now, only wanting to take in the muffled sound of the rain and your boyfriend's presence right next to you.
"How have you been?" He asked, taking in another small sip of his drink, he was almost done with it.
"I'm good. I've been better." You said in a neutral voice.
"Is there anything I can do to make it better?" His eyes looked towards your closed ones.
"You being here is more than enough to make me feel better." You smiled and shifted.
You decided to scoot closer and rest your shoulder on him from the tiredness you felt today.
It was the arrival of a monday that made it like so.
He adjusted for you, wrapping his arm around and placing his hand on your head, making you lean in closer.
It went silent from there, a comfortable slence.
Your thoughts returned back to the same topic, it was scratching your mind out of curiosity, about wanting to know about something from him so bad that at one point you just let out a big sigh.
James seemed to have noticed.
"You okay, my love?" His voice reaches calmly in your ears.
You took in his question and thought of what to say while not seeming like a nosy person since he is a celebrity.
"Do you ever reminisce about your past?"
Hearing that question, a few things definable popped up in his mind.
He hummed and closed his phone, keeping it away so he could focus on you.
"Of course I do, it's human nature at the end of the day." He replied softly.
"I'm still young and I have alot to work for my near future, but my past? It still feels fresh." He says.
"I wouldn't even say I reminisce about it all the time because to me, it still feels like I am living through those train of memories."
You looked at him. It was a simple question yet he answered so beautifully.
"How did you overcome those harsh days in training?"
You cleared your throat.
"I remember we rarely contacted each other during that period of time because of how you overworked yourself to meet everyone's expectations."
You say lowly to make sure it doesn't sound like you mock him for it.
James was slightly taken aback by your questions.
He wouldn't have guessed that it was the thought of him that has been keeping you up recently.
He consumes the last few drops of tea and takes in a deep breath, setting his mug on the table right next to yours.
"Hm... Trainee days were tough." He looked into a blank spot on the table, observing a tiny pattern on the material while zoning out.
You noticed his body langauge shift.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."
"No, you don't have to be sorry. We are partners, we should have deep conversations like these once in a while."
"—and I'm proud of you for being able to bring them up." He pats your shoulder with his fingers.
Your head digs deeper on his arm.
His words make you feel better all the time, even if you forget to comfort yourself when you go through self-doubt.
This time, you wanted to comfort him instead or let him open up to you.
You looked at him, awaiting his answer.
"I remember trainee days like the back of my hand."
"I did everything I could to always get a good result during evaluation and often left my loved ones in the dark, even though I was still learning in the shadows."
"I was able to overcome all the stress and pressure because I remembered how I had people who supported me." He looked at you and curved his lips a little.
"No matter how much I immerse myself in my passion, the reason I kept going was still because of the love I received through every moment of feeling hopeless and insecure about myself."
"Trainee days gave me both good and bad memories."
"I only chose to cherish the good ones and thank the bad ones for turning me into who I am today."
You were speechless, honestly.
"I'm glad that I was considered as someone who helped you through those days." You take his hands into yours and lightly pet it.
"I was scared." He says, wrapping his hands around yours but tighter.
You only sat up and blinked.
"I was scared that once I achieved what I wanted, I would have to leave you." He bites and tugs his lower lip, trying to hold back tears.
"It was foolish of me to believe that though. If we were to separate, my love for my dream wouldn't have felt the same because...
"—it wouldn't have you in it."
You closed your own eyes and hoped the water piling up inside would go away. Out of everything, you didn't want to cry.
It was you who wanted to say a few words to him but, his words were tearing you up instead.
"I wouldn't be able to comprehend either. Fearing I might just lose the spark I carried with you. The spark that made me feel alive."
"I'm glad that is not the case now." You sniffed.
He hummed. "Me too."
Suddenly, you thought of asking one particular question.
A question you and his fandom might've wondered on.
"I hope you don't mind me asking..." You started, sitting up more properly, taking a glance at your tea, cold on the table.
"Do you ever think of your former group project?"
James knew where this question was going and mentally prepared himself to answer.
"Trainee A?" He says lowly.
That word you would've never guessed fell out of his mouth.
You were used to seeing him on the screen in his idol role, so you forgot how human he already is and how companies control artists to talk about certain things and whatnot to bring up, etc.
You nodded..
"Have you ever wondered like—"
"What if in another life, you made your debut in Trainee A as the youngest of the team?"
The possibility alone struck a chord in his head.
He takes in a deep breath as he collects his thoughts, his mind is whirling with the imagination of his expected future.
He thinks. Really thinks.
He recalls all memories he had spent with the Trainee A team in which he was the youngest.
"I really cherish the time I spent with them and in hopes of debuting, we constantly relied on each other." James's says.
"I am still in contact with all of them, thankfully."
He huffs a short breath, a sign of him getting emotional.
"I really miss being with them when we were just some boys swayed by the spell of being told a broken promise. It's crazy to think how fast time flies."
"But honestly speaking..."
"I'm more than happy with what I have going on." He said and let off some weight from his heart that he wanted to talk about.
"I love myself now when I am in Cortis."
"Plus, wouldn’t the others feel bad?"
"How so?" You asked knowing the answer.
"if I admitted that, I would still prefer to go back to my old project and disregard my current one because of my emotions."
"Especially not when those 4 also equally trained hard with me and wished to debut as well."
He suddenly chuckled.
"When the time to debut came, I really wept like crazy."
"I never knew I would make it until now."
"The love and support that I have been getting from fans too makes me so much more grateful to be a part of my team."
"I thought I would totally stand out when I joined them but instead they were very welcoming and chill about it"
"I still look back and think how embarrassing it was to face all the familiar faces of those who worked in the company."
"They must've thought I was just a desperate kid who never listened to anyone."
I was thinking of leaving Bighit too after Trainee A got cancelled."
"I am glad I only kept that thought locked in my head."
"The others left. One by one, leaving me on my own."
"But hey, look at the other Trainee A members right now, they're doing so well on their own too, right?"
Your eyes get even more watery as you listen intently to his statements.
"You have a great way of thinking."
He closed his eyes and looked at the ceiling muttering a soft "Thank you"
After a minute of peaceful consciousness in the living room, you spoke.
"Can I ask you something again?" You asked him and gulped.
"How did you get used to being the oldest one in Cortis?"
He smiles. "I never considered myself as the oldest or anything. I just like to think that we are all just some friends having fun."
"It's a different experience for sure. Going from the youngest who was clueless about everything to the oldest who had to be dependable for others to give them a shoulder to rest on."
"When I was in Trainee A, I remember getting scolded for showcasing absurd and silly content ideas every time."
He chuckled softly and completed "Now, they actually listen to us and our thoughts. Maybe a bit childish on my side."
"Childish or not though, I'd say...
"There is no other place I look forward to see myself in if it's not Cortis"
You tightened the grip on his hands.
"I agree" You smiled, your eyes getting blurry from your own emotions. You kept looking down, so he didn't notice.
"How come you never left the company after several auditions?" You asked one last question.
James sighed.
"It was because I was lost."
"When I attempted to get in almost 50 times, I was tired but helpless because I would just break myself if I given up so easily, then one day they finally let me in."
"I kept training for years and ended up in heartbreak the first time."
"My family living back in Hong Kong sent me with silent cheers and their love burdedned me, making me want to pusue more, and it felt like I lost the meaning to life when I was told to exit."
"I relentlessly kept trying and my ultimate goal became one thing. It was to debut no matter what."
"I thought if I wasn't cut out to be an idol, then I could be a choreographer or something else. I just wanted to stay in that company because I had no clue if other agencies would accept me or not."
"I recognized an opportunity in the ground, so I worked hard, digging it out and using it like a golden ticket."
"Does that answer your question?" He chuckled again at the end, making sure not to spill a few tears.
You couldn't help but admire him.
You knew he was talented and very passionate in whatever he did.
Your eyes met his and finally when a single drop fell on your cheek, you pulled him in to give him a warm and very much needed hug.
Your hands opened up for him.
He immediately leaned in, giving it no thought and rested his chin on your shoulder.
"Oh James..." another teardrop fell, and another.
"You are so admirable and inspiring. How you carry your thoughts is so pleasant and the way you talk so elegantly while considering other's feelings shows how much of a gentleman you were raised to be."
You were petting him with a consistent beat, gliding your fingers across his soft hair never fails to make your ears go red.
"You endured so much when you were so young."
"You didn't have anyone outside to talk about it because you only wanted to share good news, to see smiles instead of concern."
"I am sorry I couldn't be there for you in those times but I am truly impressed by you darling." You pulled back.
"You are the most patient person I have ever met James."
"I am proud of you for not giving up."
]"I am proud of you for pushing though and for finally succeeding."
"I am very proud of you." You smiled.
He listened to your words and soon enough, a tear drops along with yours.
He rushes in to hide his face in your shoulder.
He takes some time to silently sob, leaning on you for support before calming down.
He pulled back and held your hands.
"I was not aware today would be the day I cry in front of you for the first time."
"I felt shameful to be like how I am now in front of anyone..."
"But you made it easier for me to talk without any dark clouds in my head."
"Thank you for being trustworthy and reliable, babe."
"Thank you for not giving up on me, too." Your hands reached out to wipe his tear-stained cheeks.
Cupping his face, you leaned in to kiss his forehead.
James closes his eye during it, pulling you back in a big hug. You comforted him through physical touch by caressing his back.
"You did great." James hears from you.
He hummed, his voice vibrating against your chest.
"Thank you~" he sings.
You pulled back and chuckled. "I made the vibe too emotional right?" you fixed your hair awkwardly.
He shook his head. His hand reached out to carefully put some hair behind your ear.
"Are you tired?" He asked.
You shook your head, "I was, am not right now though."
James inhaled and eyes the TV in your room.
"Nothing like a good netflix and chill can't fix." He suggested.
"True." your eyes dried up now from the tears before.
"Did you know? I avoided going through instagram so I wouldn't get spoilers from the show you wanted to watch."
"You did?" You looked at him with fondness.
"Yeah!" He sounded excited, how cute.
"Well then, do you want to watch it?"
"Of course—!" His volume gets louder as he already got up to retrieve the remote near the TV.
"Then I'll go make some ramyeon~" You got up too approaching the kitchen.
"Wait, that means you will stay in the kitchen for 8 minutes right?" He spoke from across the room.
"Yeah, You can turn the show on in the meantime." You replied back but noticing him keeping the remote back, you held in a smile.
"I'll just stay with you in the meantime. How does that sound?" James follows you in the kitchen.
"Even better." You finally let out a soft laugh.
green divider credits — @dollywons @cursed-carmine 💚
masterlist
a/n - James is so hardworking and a somebody to look up to, you're telling me he didn't give up on the company that failed him the first time and kept auditioning for about 50 times? :(
first of all, i see where youre coming from but the fact its on a post about JAMES??
he has had a fanbase for YEARS, and was in a nearly debuted group before cortis. "freshly debuted" i see people saying but james was popular before debut??
Trainee A was first revealed in March 2021, and was 15 at the time, missyangkim is younger than him, and its normal to have celebrity crushes if theyre minors and youre the same age. as long as they are older or around the same age.
niki was 15 in 2021 like james - so go hate on her for making a niki audio too.
she has apologised multiple times, but you guys just ignore it. she can like people in her age group. in her country it is legal at 16, and teenagers have desires. as long as theyre 18 and dont show that their uncomfortable with "sexy" content, it should be fine.
i myself, do think its weird to post an audio lets say a month or two after debut, but if theyre popular, active, have experience and 18+, its fine. some groups do more performances than others, lean towards a rather "sexy" and "hot" concept more. and honestly james isnt even new, so i dont see your issue. youre just embarrassing yourselves. niki is younger than james too, hate on people for that. james has had a fanbase for 5+ years now.
this isnt hate or anything, just defending someone.
james isnt "new" or anything, people have liked him for years - please educate yourself.
