i dont care if you're queer or the straightest man alive, if you disrespect anyone based on queerness, you're being queerphobic. if you support queer people and respect all of our rights, you're being a queer ally.
like "allies" doesn't just mean people who aren't queer but support queer people. that is the most common usage, for good reason. but not every queer person has the same identity or experiences.
you can be gay and not an ally to gender nonconforming people. you can be gender nonconforming and not an ally to nonbinary people. you can be nonbinary and not an ally to intersex people. you can be intersex and not an ally to trans people.
you don't have to understand why someone identifies the way they do to be an ally. because what an ally does in a situation where they don't understand something... is learn. even if it takes time. they apologize when they make a mistake because they care.
it's really all just about caring about other people at the end of the day. caring about them enough to learn how you can support them, and then actually doing what it takes to support them when you can.