#ifairy

[only-knives]

i really hate the fact i need something for pain beyond my suboxone and that something is weed. it's so expensive. im tired of spending $130-$260 a month on this. but my muscles hurt so much all the time and it takes the edge off enough for me to feel comfortable enough to not constantly feeling irritated and upset from pain and discomfort.

i always feel like when i buy it that i'm doing something wrong. that i'm being irresponsible by spending so much money on weed. i dont have a medical card because those cost a few hundred to get alone.

it's not something i can have Medicaid reimburse me for bc of scheduling =/ it fucking sucks.

i wish the money could go towards other things. and like. it *can.* i could stop buying weed and focus on whatever else I might want/need more. but. then i'd have to spend every single day dealing with this horrible full body ache at full throttle.

i hate chronic pain and how hard things are. i wish i didn't have it. i wish i could just be a casual smoker, if anything.

but the reality is, if i wasn't being paid the equivalent of $6.75 an hour, and didn't need to buy my own wheelchair outright, this wouldn't be a fucking problem. $1,000 a month isn't enough when you're disabled living in the most expensive place in the country. i cant even rent an apartment that isn't government subsidized.

i don't even have the choice of working harder for myself, even though that's a painful situation in its own right. i just have what i have and once it's spent it's gone.

[intersexfairy]

femboys are great.

i love transfem boys who feel dysphoric when people call them she/her. i love transmasc femboys who feel dysphoric about having stereotypically masculine traits.

i love femboys who are kinky or flirty. i love femboys who are asexual or aromantic.

i love femboys who go on E or T. i love femboys who get top/bottom surgeries. i love femboys who are into drag or alternative fashions like goth or lolita.

i love femboys who are cis and binary. i love femboys who have intricate queer identities and use microlabels. i love femboys who are agender or multigender. i love intersex and varsex femboys. i love transneutral femboys.

i love femboys who are sex repulsed, trauma survivors, or hypersexual. i think all of us should be allowed to be who we are without being sexualized against our will, assaulted, or otherwise dehumanized and shamed.

femboys arent a joke or fetish. we're real people. we all experience being a femboy in different ways, and what matters most is our autonomy and happiness - not other people's feelings or opinions about us!!

p.s: i don't care what the origins of the term were. language changes and this is about the people who fem boys. nothing more, nothing less. genderqueer people rock.

[intersexfairy]

at urgent care and the sheer number of people with covid in here is absurd. if you haven't gotten the most recent vaccination, NOW is the time to get it. if you arent wearing a mask, NOW is the time to start. protect yourself and others as much as you can! you will regret it if you don't.

[intersexfairy]

browsing my favorite subreddit again (intersex sub) and figured this would be very helpful for some perisex trans people to hear:

"You cannot transition to being intersex as it is a congenital sex status that describes the way the body naturally develops. Inferring that someone can become/transition to being intersex is harmful because also implies that the reverse is true, and that those of us subjected to Intersex Genital Mutilation, medical abuse, and harm are no longer intersex. It implies that we can be "corrected" to perisex and that we can be erased. People who have neutral, nonbinary, or mixed sex transition goals/acquired anatomy can use "Altersex" instead of appropriating the intersex label."

this is the most concise explanation, but here's more:

"It is a common misconception to confuse intersex and trans experiences. We share some, but being intersex doesn't make you trans. Same as being trans does not make you intersex. However it is very much possible to have an intersex condition and be trans at the same time. For some of us this is a very painful reality when the individual got altered as an infant without consent only to realize later in life to re-alter what got forced upon them."

And as far as the "say you're intersex to avoid transphobia" thing goes:

"Not only is it inappropriate to pretend to be part of a minority group you have to be born into but it also harms us as you will misrepresent our experience, struggles, etc. and this contributes to our erasure. It is offensive and ignorant of our realities.

Telling people you are intersex also does not protect you from transphobia. Instead, it will open you up to intersexism. Intersexism is just as violent as transphobia"

[intersexfairy]

more people getting gender affirming care out of gender euphoria or expression, regardless of what gender they identify as

i wanna see more men get electrolysis because they feel happier clean shaven. i wanna see more butch women take T. i wanna see more people fuck around with binders, packers, and breast forms, just because it makes them happy.

i wanna see more cis GNC people who pursue gender affirming care. i want all intersex people to feel empowered to do whatever is right for them, regardless of what anyone else says.

and i want everyone to know that you can be cisgender and transexual, or nonbinary, or genderqueer, genderflux, etc. you can identify as nonbinary without identifying as trans if you'd like. you can be cis or trans or both or neither alongside being intersex. you can do whatever you want forever.

gender nonconformity and affirming care are for everyone, not just people who don't identify as the gender they were assigned at birth and/or have gender dysphoria.

[intersexfairy]

can't help but think about the trans palestinians who are excluded by the constant use of phrases like "men and women" and "boys and girls." so here's to remembering them. to every palestinian with neglected gynecological issues who isn't a woman or girl. to every nonbinary person who's fallen. to everyone who's lost access to their hormones, who wasn't able to get their gender affirming surgeries - intersex palestinians, too. to every unidentified trans person and every trans person who never got to be their true selves. to all of them, the martyred, and those still struggling just to survive. free palestine - trans and intersex palestinians included.

[intersexfairy]

i forgor how much i love the term femboy

it fits how i feel so well. i dont feel like man, boy, girl, woman, person, enby, etc. really encapsulate me.

but femboy? and similar terms? yesss. boygirl. girlboy. demiboy. demigirl. this is me. i love these words so fuckin much.

i honestly have felt self conscious for so long about not feeling comfortable with mature gender terms like man/woman. but boy/girl are adjacent to man/woman and. its kinda cool.

like "im not a man, but im a boy" or "im not a woman, but im a girl" - it doesnt make sense but it does at the same time and i cant explain why.

[intersexfairy]

PCOS is an intersex variation, full stop. The reason that's controversial is that just accepting it as one undermines the gender and sex binaries.

The idea that we're just rare mutants that need to be fixed, or can be ignored for the sake of the majority, would further begin to fall apart. Recognizing people with PCOS as intersex makes it harder for them to treat people with PCOS like broken women.

Doctors treat their intersex traits as a malady that needs to be fixed. Even in the case of a cis women with PCOS and gender dysphoria or health issues, the treatment is so often laced with intersexism and coercion. There is no real choice given, and no affirmation of one's body as worthy of respect regardless of what it looks like.

This isn't unusual in the treatment of intersex people - people do try to hide from us the fact we're intersex (entirely, or by saying we have a disorder instead). But by not even considering people with PCOS under the umbrella, they prevent them from finding community with people like them, and advocating for themselves.

This is all to say, people with PCOS are not less intersex than other intersex people. They are just as intersex, and face all the scrutiny that comes with it. But more than that, they are integral to intersex liberation - and queer liberation overall. Your story as an intersex person with PCOS matters. We need you, and we want you with us.

May you find peace, community, and healing. May you find comfort and home in your body. May you find health and wellness. You are loved, and you belong - just as you are, and have yet to become.

Sincerely, a trans intersex person who doesn't know if it's PCOS or something else.