Shout-out to @jackfuckingtwist for making me into intellectual investment again

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Shout-out to @jackfuckingtwist for making me into intellectual investment again
To be clear Aldranin is Squiffy’s real name
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“You ready, Eddie?” “Hey! That rhymes!” Barnaby says clasping his hands together.
Edvard rolls his eyes at Barnaby while fixing his tie unsuccessfully.
“Here, let me help you.” Barnaby says and without letting Edvard say anything in response he takes ahold of his tie and in a way Edvard can only describe as gentle and graceful Barnaby fixes his tie.
“Uh thanks”
“Don’t mention it.”
There’s a calm silence for a couple seconds where Edvard gets to take in just how handsome Barnaby is, fancy party outfit and all.
Then suddenly a voice breaks the silence, “Are you two ready or not?”
Lilith stands there arms folded looking frustrated with the two men, “You’re going to be late.”
“Of course we are. You can’t show up on time to a party, you have to show up fashionably late.” Barnaby assures her.
She pinches the bridge of her nose, “ok you know the plan, you two pretend to be a rich and fancy couple so you can figure out where they’re storing the precious artifact.”
Barnaby outstretches his hand to Edvard, who takes a deep breath then takes Barnaby’s hand. Barnaby intertwines their fingers and Edvard tries his best to keep calm and not turn bright red due to the hand holding.
They make their way to a giant estate, when they are almost there Barnaby leans his head to whisper in Edvard’s ear, “I think it’d be best if I do the talking.”
Edvard nods in response.
Barnaby hands the man by the door their invitations and they head inside.
A man in coat embellished with gold approaches the duo, “ Ah Mr.Fortescue, so glad you and your partner could make it. I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him.”
“Well, Moore this is my partner Lumiere, Lumiere this is Moore, he’s the head of the horse racing business.
Moore outstretches his hand for Edvard to shake. Edvard hesitates so Barnaby nudges him and Edvard shakes Moore’s hand.
“You’ll have to forgive him, he’s not used to all this” Barnaby says gesturing to the giant room absolutely filled with people, and noises, and lights.
“Ah I see, well I hope you enjoy the party.”
“Thank you. We will.”
As they walk away Barnaby feels Edvard’s grip on his arm tighten, “you’re doing a phenomenal job, Ed. You can calm down a bit.” And he pats Edvard’s gloved hand.
Most of the night goes of without a hitch Barnaby charms other guests, If Edvard wants to say something he whispers it in Barnaby’s ear and he says it and if anyone asks about it Barnaby can explain it’s because his boyfriend is shy or not used to this setting and people buy it.
Then, a voice shouts out, “Barnaby? Barnaby Fortescue!”
The owner of the voice practically struts over to Barnaby and Edvard, followed by a woman.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?” Aldranin asks
“Ah, well. . .” Barnaby starts
“He didn’t know how’d you react.” Edvard quickly interjects
“Yes! That’s it. Thank you sweetheart. You know being with a boy is still new to me and not exactly my style, so I didn’t know how’d you react to me dating one.”
Edvard tries his best to hide the blushing on his face caused by the pet name.
“Well, I think it’s great! You, me, Lizette” he gestures to the woman next to him, “and your partner can all go on double dates. It’ll be fun!”
“Yes, it would be wonderful,” Lizette says, “now we haven’t been introduced, Barnaby, who is your significant other?”
“This is Lumiere, he’s a genius inventor.”
“Ah, an inventor, what have you invented?”
“Uh, yknow what, I would love to answer that, but I uh I have to go to the bathroom. Please excuse me.” Edvard speed walks away to the area the bathroom is located.
The other three stand in silence watching Edvard walk away, until Aldranin speaks up, “so, what’s he like in bed?”
Lizette hits him in the arm, “Aldranin! you can’t ask people that!
Barnaby collects himself and says,” Aldranin, I understand that you’re probably just joking and don’t actually want an answer to that, but if you are what I and Lumiere do in bed is absolutely none of your business.”
“Sorry, in retrospect that is a weird thing to ask.” Aldranin says rubbing the back of his neck.
Meanwhile Edvard is gripping onto the sink so hard his knuckles are turning white and he’s heavily breathing in and out, deep in thought. “ok, Edvard, you are a genius inventor and definitely smarter than Amadeus Astor. You are going to steal a precious artifact from this Moore guy and get your money.”
Edvard thinks back to the planning of this heist.
Lilith stands over the desk, “shit.”
“what’s the matter?” Edvard inquires.
“We need to steal this but.. ugh we’re never going to be able to sneak in.”
“Aren't they hosting a party?”
“only for rich couples”
“Then... Barnaby can go with.. Ziliah-“
“no, that would never be convincing...”
“Hey, why don't you and Barnaby pretend to be a couple!”
Edvard nervously laughs as he feels his face heat up, “w-what?”
Barnaby zoned into the conversation, “sorry what?”
On the surface he doesn’t know why he reacted like that, but deep down he does, he knows he wants to actually be with Barnaby. He knows he wants to wake up next to him every morning and run his fingers through his hair and wants him to hold him by the waist and he wants to feel Barnaby’s stubble tickling him while Barnaby kisses him. He knows he wants him but he also knows he can’t ever have him.
Edvard is shaken out of his thoughts by tears falling into the sink. He hadn’t realized he was crying. He looks up into the mirror to see the tears stream down his face, and he breaks down into a sobbing mess.
After a while he hears knocking at the door, Edvard wipes his tears and asks, “who is it?” Edvard cringes at how weak he sounds.
“It’s Barnaby, Edvard are you alright?”
Edvard runs a shaky hand through his hair, “yeah, yeah I’m fine.”
“Ok, you know you’re a much better inventor than Astor right?”
“Yeah, I know he doesn’t get to me.”
“But did Lizette’s question get to you?”
“N-no”
“Whatever you say, just know if you ever need to talk I’m here for you.”
Edvard hears Barnaby footsteps as he walks away. Edvard knows he should get out of the bathroom, he knows he should go help with the heist, but he feels psychically unable to. So he just stands there and stands there watching more tears stream down his face and thinking about Barnaby’s offer. They have nothing in common how could he talk to him about his problems.
The only possible thing they have in common is that they’re both born into rich families who force them to act a certain way and conform to societal expectations. Okay maybe there’s some common ground he can talk to him about.
But Barnaby wasn’t born in the wrong body, he has no problem with loud places and blinding lights, he doesn’t have to compete with a rival, he doesn’t have to worry about anything to do with money. The only reason he’s doing crime is because it seemed like a laugh. He’s such a lucky piece of shit.
Edvard finds himself sitting on the floor, leaning on the wall, sobbing. “Barnaby doesn’t have to worry about breaking down crying in a rich person’s bathroom during a heist” he thinks.
He hears the door open and looks up to see Barnaby with quietly closing the door behind him, “sorry, I just got really worri-oh fuck! You weren’t alright!”
Barnaby crouches down in front of Edvard and wipes away his tears, “what happened, I thought you were okay?”
“I just-I’m really sorry, we should be getting what we came here for not in the bathroom”
“I already got it, don’t worry about. Now what happened, why are you crying?”
“Everything” Edvard responds, choosing to ignore the fact that Barnaby already stole the artifact.
“Sensory overload?
Edvard nods
“Yeah, I get that too. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It sucks.”
Edvard smiles, and files the fact that Barnaby also sensory overloads in the back of his mind.
“Well on the bright side we can leave now.”
Barnaby helps Edvard up, intertwines their fingers again, and leads him out of the estate and back to the Eleanor’s Largely Legal Antiques.
I imagine one of Edvard’s parents deadnamed him and these three are yelling at them and Lilith is making sure Edvard is ok