I have a character I'm considering making genderfluid.
They're immortal and a god, and I'm thinking of making their gender change every few years... Instead of like. Day by day or anything like that.
Since they're a god, they can shapeshift. Is it odd or strange to make them be able to change from a masc... body I guess to a femme one? And they go by a different name when having a femme body.
Is it also... weird or something to NOT have them experience dysphoria? I mean like they do get anxiety around people when they're female since they're AMAB and that's how they spend most of their time and they haven't spent enough time as a female yet to get used to it.
Ok so to summarize since I can be kinda rambly:
Is it weird or anything to:
- have their gender change year by year (as in maybe they spend ten years as male, one year or a few months female, five years male, one to two years female, etc etc)
- have them shapeshift when their gender identity changes
- have them not experience... physical dysphoria i suppose; they would experience "social dysphoria" because of anxiety
Also they're uh. Bisexual and polyamerous. They're in a relationship with a gay man and bisexual woman and they're friends with benefits with a different woman... is that too much... diversity...? Is there such a thing as too much?
And lastly, are there any things I should avoid when writing in this characters POV? Anything genderfluid people may experience that I as a cis person may not know or think about, just in a day in the life sort of way.
Thank you in advance if you reply, I really appreciate it! This is a long one so I'm sorry about that haha.
Oh! Hi! I'm the anon with the immortal god character. I just sent in an ask and realized I forgot some questions, sorry!
How might their partners refer to them? How might those dynamics work? If the god can shapeshift, would the partners automatically refer to the god by the corresponding pronouns?
Also I'm thinking the god has a different name depending on if they're masc or femme. But also they sometimes may not want to go by a different name?
Answer
I’m going to answer this in sections!
1. Weird to have identity change year by year?
This is totally fine! This actually happens to me. Some of it is just different labels have resonated with me over the years but I do feel my identity has changed in some way. I usually change pronouns as well, sometimes a name, but not always. My current situation is that I give different names and pronouns based on the people I’m with. So people who have known me longer were introduced with earlier names, and I’m okay with them calling me that. More recent folks will get other names. People who know me well may know several names and use any of them, but most people have one they stick to for me. I will note that my own fluidity is always some variation of genderqueer but there are times when I identified with androgynous, other times as agender, and so on.
Other people can feel different and experience fluidity differently or at different rates. I think when I first was figuring out stuff in high school I was a little more rapidly fluid. I had a friend who would ask my pronouns at the beginning of each day. (Eventually I kind of felt like it was more of a bother to try and interrogate myself every morning so I just kind of opted to they/them until I was maybe 20 and meandered into neopronouns.)
2. Weird to have them shapeshift when their gender identity changes?
This is also fine, but I’d be careful not to imply there has to be a direct correlation with any given body part and a specific identity. There are a lot of people of all genders who want to look all sorts of different ways. IMO you don’t even have to be trans to transition if you want! (Check out that link, there’s a lot of people in the comments philosophizing about it too.) Ultimately gender identity is about how you see yourself. Gender expression is just one aspect of things and it’s not always something that is going to make your gender legible to others.
I also would hesitate to refer to a given body type as masc or femme. Masc and femme are more like... identities. It’s ok/normal for trans people to call our bodies whatever. But I think when you’re writing maybe use more specific language, because using the term “femme body” and expecting people to assume you mean a stereotypical dyadic cis woman’s body. Femmes and mascs can have any kind of body.
3. Weird to not have dysphoria, except when a specific gender?
This is fine. But I think with them being AMAB and sometimes being a woman, you might want to do some more research on transmisogyny. We have a tag for it here, but I wouldn’t limit your research just to our tag.
4. Is bi + polyam + all these mentioned diverse partners ‘too much diversity’?
Absolutely not! You’re all good!
5. How would partners refer to them? (Pronouns/terms/name etc)
I don’t think it’s safe to say that presentation always lines up with what pronouns genderfluid people have. But that is the case for some. I would just have it be communicated at some point. Like if there’s a scene where their gender has recently changed, there’s just a check-in that a partner makes about what terms to use now, or if they’ve changed at all. Or if it’s not immediately clear to the partners, the god character could just mention it. What they call each other as partners can really be anything though.
I call my partner my partner, but technically we’re queerplatonic partners or something like friends with benefits. (The axis of the relationship is platonic but our behaviour and expressions of that platonic love are significantly more dedicated and involve, well, aforementioned benefits.) We also sometimes use the term “companion” and we might change the terminology based on what’s convenient to say, including her sometimes being okay with being called my girlfriend if it’s more convenient. On emergency contact forms we’re often considered common law spouses. On the census I wrote we were queerplatonic partners. To delivery drivers we are roommates.
Whatever labels are cool with the people involved work really, and since your characters are fictional, you can make up what that is.
6. Other things to keep in mind?
Gender fluidity doesn’t always mean rotating between two binaries. If they rotate between two binaries, that’s totally cool and fine, but please don’t feel limited to that. In all my fluidity, I haven’t identified with a binary gender. There are so many different possibilities, so many different ways to experience gender. And don’t be afraid to consider neopronouns either (you could even make some up too, that’s totally fine, IMO). Or maybe they change genders sometime but not shapeshift, or shapeshift but not change genders.
Readers, feel free to tack on anything you think should be added to this!
- mod nat