In other news, I sang tenor for the first time last night. I talked to my choir director about it, and she agreed to let me try it out for our next concert. There are two choirs I'm in, the treble and mixed choirs, so I still get to get my fill of singing soprano in the treble while stretching my low range in the mixed.
I immediately fell in love. I bottom out around F3 right now (pre-T, still), but the pieces we're doing almost never go lower than that. I thought I wouldn't be able to sight-read as easily or it wouldn't be as satisfying as singing soprano but I am SO happy to be wrong. I LOVED singing in the middle of chords and feeling my voice rumbling in my chest. It's exciting and novel and it made me feel like I was falling in love with choral singing all over again.
My best trans girl friend also sings tenor in that choir, and my fiancé sings baritone, so I was grateful to get to sit between them. I'm usually pretty quiet and serious in choral rehearsals but we had so much fun sitting together. Even just being on the other side of the room for once felt like my whole world was different.
It's silly sometimes how big the small things are and how small the big things are. I thought I could only ever be a soprano. That was my lot. I was good at it and I'd never done anything else so I could never be anything else. Then one day I try something new and I realize it's not that different. I still know how to read music, I still know how to sing, it still feels good. Even better in some ways. But what felt momentously different was how much I felt like I belonged there. My voice didn't stick out nearly as much as I thought it would. I still know how to blend to the voices around me. Even just responding to "tenors" or "tenors and basses" rather than to "sopranos" or "sopranos and altos" felt like I finally was where I always wanted to be. Being surrounded by my loved ones helped of course, but I just felt... welcome there.
I am filled with hope today. I really think I can do this. I think I'm ready for whatever happens come May. Testosterone, please let me be a tenor. I found where I want to be.