Jul 20
Do you guys think the ponytail is a good look for me? Been working out to get this lean physique. What do you all think , this or should I put on some weight ?
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Do you guys think the ponytail is a good look for me? Been working out to get this lean physique. What do you all think , this or should I put on some weight ?
One of my favorite songs. (Also deeply EyeTrauma coded from Elias' delusional perspective.)
👁️
*** THIS IS NO LONGER ACCURATE ***
[EDIT: I’m on the juice!]
ABOUT ME:
How do I word this… I’m someone who doesn’t exist.
I’m a disabled trans woman. I cannot physically transition. It’s not that I don’t want to or that I’m scared of leaving ‘boy mode’ or anything that is usually why people stay closeted. I would sell my soul in a heartbeat to be able to take the girl juice without instantly going into a full nuclear meltdown physically (I’ve tried multiple times).
Now, I’m not fully sure I really want to write this, I don’t feel qualified even if it is my story and only I can tell it. I question whether this will suffice as anything other than an exemplary form of a pity party or a ‘woe is me’ dissertation. That’s not my goal with this and it’s not my intention. And before I end up too deep into this, I want to make it clear that I am not a troll or a grifter, it would be far too easy to write this all off as some farce to gain sympathy or attention. I do not want to vilify anyone or act as a self righteous martyr or whatever bullshit the world loves most. This is only a documentation of what my reality is for me.
As stated, I am disabled. I wasn’t born with it and I know others have far more debilitating illnesses than I do, that said my body functions through a narrow range and it does not tolerate anything different. I am not capable of hormones, surgery, or even simple things like pierced ears. I’ve been in this limbo for a decade now and each year that passes feels like another shovel full of dirt being added.
If you are a trans person or just someone who has ever truly felt the cold cruel grip of dysphoria, then you know how utterly soul crushing it is to have your brain scream for one thing while the world around you says something completely different. You know what it’s like to not only see something in the mirror that isn’t you but to also be tormented by it never going away.
I am in that circle of hell.
If the solution was so simple as asking people to treat me a certain way, dress a certain way, move through the world a certain way, that would bring me comfort and peace. That is not what I am talking about and I believe whoever’s currently reading this knows that. There is a certain aspect that gets discussed every now and then from those who have or are in transition, the peace of knowing that you are finally being you. That sense of knowing that despite everything you are taking the parts of you that you don’t agree with and are changing them to be how and what you are. To see reality shift from the nightmare to the dream.
I don’t believe that I will ever know that peace.
The trans community is a beautiful godsend that needs to not only exist but to thrive and flourish. However, I don’t feel I belong. It’s not a place I feel I’m welcome. There is so much that I resonate with when I read about other’s experiences or the way they feel about things, how we yearn for the same aspects of ourselves, but ultimately I feel exiled and rejected. When I look at all the wonderful people online fighting for and living their lives… I don’t see anyone like me. I don’t see that person who is perpetually stuck. It wouldn’t be hard to call me someone playing pretend and I can’t say that at times I agree with that sentiment. I struggle to imagine a place where I wouldn’t just be placated and tolerated for a while but then eventually be left to fall to the wayside.
I am an anomaly that barely gets any recognition and I get it, it’s easier to encourage those that are only held back by fear, to empower and uplift those who can take the steps and see how beautiful acceptance and camaraderie can be when they break through their shackles…
I have failed to keep this from devolving into a rant about isolation and bitterness and for that I apologize. Nobody likes to hear from the one who wallows in their misery and takes no accountability for their own happiness. I have not shown that I have more to myself than just that.
Either way this is where I’m at, this is who I am, this is what defines me as a person woman more than anything else.
This blog/account/whatever is less of a social media thing than it is a ledger. It’s a documentation for the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of some who is… suffering. I won’t lie about that.
I guess in order to salvage this, I’ll leave this with one last thought: Do whatever you need to do to be who you want to be. Take every opportunity, every open door at your disposal, find your people and make your life your own. Because there is nothing more important than being who you are and having a world that loves you for being in it.
- trashfiresrus (aka Jane)
Welcome to the first Trans&GNC Prompt of the Week! Each Friday we'll be asking the community a question:
What is a piece of clothing/accessory that makes you feel gender euphoria? Why do you think this item in particular makes you feel this way?
Comment, reblog, or submit an ask detailing your answer! We would love to hear from you!
"She converted to Judaism yesterday! This week on Being Jewish, Jonah Platt interviews transgender activist, Emmy-nominated TV writer-director (Transparent, American Horror Story, Pose), and musician Our Lady J (Yona Speidel), less than 24 hours after she formally converted to Judaism.
She describes her 12-year path, the beit din with three rabbis, her written reflection on Isaiah 56 and intersex identity, her mikvah immersion, and why she chose the Hebrew name Yona. She recounts growing up Mennonite, losing trust in organized religion amid homophobia during the AIDS crisis, and later returning to spirituality through Judaism. The conversation addresses unconscious antisemitism, queer-community susceptibility to “they” conspiracies, and rising antisemitism in LGBT spaces after October 7. She discusses BDS (The Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions movement) pressure on Transparent, later learning German courts found BDS antisemitic, and argues for fact-based definitions of Zionism, while saying she is pro-Palestinian and pro-Israeli."
Activists Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera during Pride in NYC, 1989.
On our home planet, queerness is still subject to legal persecution in 65 nations. What a world we live in, where love shared between two consenting humans is sanctioned as scandalous, criminal even!
In 12 of these countries, homosexuality is punishable via the death penalty.
Figures like Johnson and Rivera symbolise more than an opposition to their own suffering under autocratic control- they emblematise a larger voice: one that echoes in protest against erasure of queer identities everywhere.
Happy Pride Month! Especially to anyone that sees this post and feels any kind of discomfort seeing people simply expressing their love like anybody else. This is a history page and, unlike some people, history includes everybody 🤍
(📸 Rudy Grillo)
Being both a transgender man and a singer creates conflict. Starting hormone replacement therapy lowers the voice and may damage singing abi
If you are transmasculine and are unsure about HRT because you're scared of your voice changing, especially if you're a singer/performer or aspiring to become one, I HUGELY recommend this documentary called "Down There The Seafolk Live" by Ro Greengrass and Maddy James.
It follows Ro, Terrel, August and Gabriel, 4 transmasc performers, and their relationship with their voices and their stage persona. It's beautifully filmed, incredibly hopeful and full of joy, while talking about the struggles that comes with undergoing such dramatic changes.
As a singer myself, I struggled a LOT with the loss of parts of my vocal range, and it made me wait longer than I wanted to start T because it was so hard to find singing voice timelines, and people on the internet were like "yeah I can't sing anymore after taking T" and it scared the shit out of me.
To talk a bit about my own experience going from a high soprano voice to a tenor/borderline baritone: you won't LOSE your singing abilities. The first year is going to be rough because you're going to have a whole new instrument, your voice dropping actively will make it hard to manage sometimes, and you'll need a shit ton of patience. But I promise you, it's temporary. And gosh, I absolutely adore my new voice, I love how singing makes my whole chest shake, I love being able to reach the lowest note I never reached before. I love the perspectives it opened for me.
To quote Ro from the documentary:
"There's nothing there about transition singing voices and we need to create that content because we need to know that it's gonna be okay !"
ID: Lite brite art of an open book with words coming out of it in trans pride colors that read: "Read more trans books."
on this trans day of visibility, with trans rights under attack in so many parts of the world, it's more important than ever to uplift trans voices, protect trans rights, and read more trans books!
what trans books have you created or enjoyed?
reblog with your suggestion and i'll share them to our page!