Dorthy stepped outside of the room where Thrash was resting after a fairly bad injury. She was a bit frustrated at how loud the scout and the prime were, arguing like a parent and their uncontrolled teenager. However, the more she stepped out to get a better understanding of their bickering, she grew concerned.
“Bumblebee. I had alerted you hours prior that this was an important mission. We needed all hands on deck, and yet despite the announcement ahead of time, you didn’t arrive until the mission was nearly over.” Optimus was trying to prove his point, but he wasn’t doing it with patience like how he normally would.
Truth be told, Optimus’ patience with Bumblebee had completely reached its breaking point after the disaster that occurred, let alone the failure of the entire mission itself. He had tried to be understanding, to gently reprimand him, and yet every time Bee went against him. He rebelled against Optimus’s orders time and time again. Despite making excuses for him, despite trying to maintain his scout’s image, Bee proved the whispers about him right. He proved to Optimus that he was no longer as capable as he once was.
“Primus, Optimus!” Bumblebee’s expression hardened, he was quick to come in with a defense, “I make one lousy mistake and all of a sudden, I’m the worst bot to exist?! I mean- look at yourself! You’re supposed to be the great Prime, yet you’ve made mistakes! You’re acting like you’re the only one who can make mistakes and not be held to it!” Of course, this only added fuel to the fire. The entire point flew over his helm, completely caught in his processor and stuck in his own little world.
Optimus’s optics narrowed at the accusation. He didn’t appreciate it at all. Yes, he’s made mistakes. He may be a prime but he is still a living being, bound to make mistakes despite the standard he’s held to. “Bumblebee, that isn’t the point. Yes! I’ve made mistakes. But that isn’t what I’m trying to tell you. Because of your absence, Thrash was injured! He’s very lucky that it’s nothing severe! You are supposed to protect the Terrans! Not endanger them!” That was an order given to him last year, a protocol he gave to Bumblebee because he trusted his scout with such a task.
However, he didn’t back down. Instead, Bumblebee took a step forward, and what he was about to say would be the last straw, the last ounce of respect that they would have for each other, “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT US, AND YET MULTIPLE BOTS DIED BECAUSE OF THE MISTAKES YOU’VE MADE!”
The room fell silent. Ironically it was like a drama show. Soft gasps scattered around, some had their mouths open, but the look of pure shock was universal among the base. To hear that come from Bumblebee, it was unexpected. The yellow mech looked up to Optimus so dearly. He knew him the most. He knew his feelings, his guilt. It was a shallow move for him to use that against him. No one said anything due to how sudden it was, but also because truthfully, this wasn’t their fight.
The silence was especially loud from Optimus. He was honestly at a loss of words for a few moments. He stared at Bumblebee, feeling so much yet expressing so little. However, you could see the twinge of guilt in his expression. Not even a prime was immune from hurtful words. Finally, he sighed deeply, and closed his optics momentarily before opening them.
“I’m disappointed. I expected better from you.”
Bumblebee’s hardened expression began to quickly fade, and his strong stance had faltered. His optics flickered wildly, and he took a step back, looking at Optimus with a different kind of hurt that he hasn’t expressed before, or at least in a long time.
I’m disappointed. I expected better from you.
That sentence rang through his audials and into his processor, and it repeated itself over, and over, and over again. The yellow mech’s wings lowered, his gaze reverting downward. Something inside him felt so off. He felt, broken. He felt. He was feeling. What was this feeling? He- he broke protocol. He disobeyed protocol. He failed his protocol. He disappointed his leader, his mentor.
Bee disappointed his father.
Something in Bumblebee’s processor clicked, and no one could tell what was running through his mind, but his systems knew what was running. If he had failed to protect the Terrans, he failed protocol then. And, that means he failed Optimus. And if he failed Optimus, then he failed to be an Autobot. The click in his system was the final line that successfully made him defect as a scout.
He didn’t speak, but Bumblebee’s expressions said everything. His face scrunched up a bit, vision beginning to blur with small amounts of coolant.
You failed.
The obvious sadness only lasted momentarily, as Bumblebee closed his optics, the coolant suppressed itself and when he opened his optics to look back at Optimus, he let out a saddened smile.
“You’re right.” He didn’t come off as strong as he did previously. In fact, his voice became quite soft, timid almost. Bumblebee looked up at Optimus, he slowly took a few steps forward but then walked past the Prime.
He looked down at the keypad and entered his digit to let it scan and give him access to his file in the system.
“I never knew what peace was or is, Optimus…” Bumblebee took a deep vent, “My memories of Cybertron before the war are so distant..blurry. Sometimes I try to fill in those missing memories, but then when I open my eyes, all I see is dust and dirt, fire, the chaos…” he began to say what he should’ve told his mentor long ago. At least now, Bumblebee didn’t have anything to lose saying what was running through his mind.
Bee laughed a little bit, it was weak and filled with sorrow, “I know my midlife crisis gets a good laugh from everyone. I find it funny myself.” He pulled up his profile, “But it isn’t so funny when you look at the picture directly.” He stared at his old picture. His first alt mode. He looked so young, so full of youth in this picture. His soldier days during the early war.
“I was born into this war. Peace was never meant for me. Even though I fought for it beside you, it was never going to fit me. Despite how…terrible the chaos was, that’s all I remember. All I can recall. The death, the fear, the chaos. It’s..haunting. And yet, that was home for me.” Bumblebee started to delete his data one by one from the system, “And…I miss it.” He choked down a broken down sob that came off as a deeply emotional laugh.
Bee watched as his information was wiped from Autobot data from GHOST’S center, not just here but all throughout the different systems. He didn’t leave a trace of himself behind.
“I sound so shitty saying that. I know I do. I sound…insane. How could I say that? Let alone think it? How can I miss that environment? The constant run? I…I can’t even explain it. A sense of comfort of what I was surrounded with for so long? Yeah. Yeah…I guess that’s what you can say in simple terms.” Bee started to eradicate any emergency contacts, his comms, completely ridding of his existence among the Autobots.
“But I can’t lie and say that I don’t miss it. I miss the chaos, the danger. It made me feel fulfilled. It made me useful. It made me into the bot I am today. Bumblebee, Optimus Prime’s head scout. I wore it like a prized badge, it was my pride. My existence is surrounded by war. It’s what bots know me for, what humans know me for. What I’m known for. Without that, without being on the field, what am I? Who is Bumblebee, if he isn’t on the field, being a scout, a soldier?” More began to unravel, he didn’t mean to rant as much as he was right now. But how else could Bumblebee say what was on his mind without reaching into its roots?
“I don’t know who I am. I don’t feel safe being at peace. At least back then, I knew that more was to come. Now there isn’t. I’m scared. I feel like something is going to go wrong. What am I supposed to do now that it’s so quiet? I never liked it to be so quiet before…” The funniest part was that everything had gone wrong, at least to Bee. And there was no fixing it this time. After all, he himself was the cause of it.
“I miss home. I miss being useful, I miss…I miss being your prized scout. And-…I was too afraid to say it, because how could I? Let alone say it to you? After everything you’ve done, everything you’ve sacrificed for us, how could I say that?” Bumblebee turned to face Optimus, his expression was deeply pained, filled and twisted with guilt that seeped through each atom of his metal.
“How could I look you in the eye, and say to the one bot who gave up everything that I miss the chaos?” The irony was how Bumblebee was doing just that. And it made his spark ache so much that he finally managed to do it, underestimating the guilt that was crashing over his entire body.
Bumblebee’s derma quivered just a tad as he spoke again, “And I failed you so miserably…I failed to be your scout. I failed at being an Autobot.”
He reached up to gently touch the symbol over his chassis. Most assumed it was spray paint, but truly it was something that was engraved into Bumblebee both literally and figuratively. He pressed against the symbol, a small click could be heard as the Autobot symbol, the pride of his identity, slipped into his servo and out of his chassis. Leaving behind only a small mark of it that was still left where it stood so proudly for all to see.
“This- this symbol is meant to be hope. Meant to be good, meant to stand for all.” He took Optimus’ servo and opened it, “That isn’t who I am anymore…I’m far from it now.” Bumblebee’s voice dripped with disappointment of himself, but also revealed just how deeply insecure he’s become from the confident, prideful yet humble mech he was before.
The scout placed his Autobot symbol inside the prime’s palm, and then closed it. Optimus felt his entire body go cold at the notion. He knew what was happening, and yet he was in disbelief despite it all happening in front of him.
“Bumblebee-“
He had taken a few steps back from Optimus, he looked so small. He made himself look small, making himself look weaker. Bumblebee kept his helm a little low, his optics remaining locked on the floor for a few moments. Optimus held the symbol in his servo delicately, he didn’t want to crush it by accident, “Bumblebee.” He reached his scout, and finally they made eye contact.
And when they did, the look on Bumblebee’s face would haunt him forever. All Optimus could see was the face of his young scout, the face of the Bee that he first met. Timid and young, nervous, but also sweet. A mech filled with so much spirit. It never faded, it was just hiding itself deep beneath the mask of a soldier, who had to go into the front lines and face death on the run.
Bee slowly turned away, still, their optics remained locked. Bee just smiled, trying to keep it together, “It was an honor being by your side. It was an honor to be your scout…” the emotions started to slip, the mask was cracking, his face twinging with sheer pain.
“It was an honor to be mistaken as your son at times.”
Now the coolant was pooling out of his blue optics that glistened.
“Goodbye, Optimus.”
He turned away, facing his back to Optimus and he started to walk away, his body trembling with each step. Then, his pedes started to pick up, and then the speed started to increase. Walking, turned into jogging, turned into running, and then turned into him transforming into his vehicle mode to speed off, exiting out of their base.
