#transrelationship

[ts-inspire]

[iiithreat]

This about sums up our #relationship 😅 #Leavenworth was a blast! #washingtonstate #ravegays #raveguys #transrelationship #plurvibes #riverfloating #qtpoc #queermenofcolor #transboy #transman #weekendvibes #weekendaway #weekendadventures (at Leavenworth, Washington)

[lesbelesbenot]

I May Not Have It All Figured Out

This weekend my Himsy (new term of endearment) and I had a wedding to attend. We had many a conversation about our attire leading up to the event.

I sense that Himsy is most comfortable when his dress is comfortable. I can only imagine what it has been like dressing as a woman all these years. I equate it to working in West Texas and not being out at work. Living a closeted life is challenging, hurtful, and often scary.

When we made the move to Austin, I decided I would be honest about my life. If asked, I would answer honestly about my home life. It was as simple and trivial as that.

So, I am constantly asking myself what I can do to assist him in reaching a maximum level of comfort in this stage of transition. This weekend, I wanted him to have a pair of men’s chinos or slacks to wear to the wedding. Saturday we had breakfast and set out on our journey.

It pained me to watch him feel awkward using a female dressing room and then watch women stare at his legs and clothes when in the women’s dressing room. It bothered me more than it did him, but it didn’t seem fair.

I do not claim to have this all figured out, but I do know how fiercely protective I am over him.

In the end, it took going to an all male clothing store to receive the greatest level of service with not one second of judgement. Our shopper was so sweet, so helpful, and set up a dressing room for him with no second of doubt. He found a snazzy pair of navy slacks that he paired with cognac brogues, navy striped dress socks, and a navy striped button down. I felt very lucky to have such a handsome date.

Since his social networking debut I have had a myriad of questions. Some have taken me by surprise and others have been very thoughtful. I welcome questions because I never want someone to forget about the human element here. If you feel comfortable enough to ask me about our life then I want to be as honest with you as I can with my answers.

I do not know how many trans people you know. If we are the first trans couple you know well enough to ask questions then please do so. You know us. You know the kind of people we are. When those tough or thought provoking questions come to your attention regarding trans rights or trans culture…

I want you to think of us and our ordinary life.

I also want you to think of the amount of bravery and fear that comes with being public about such a declaration.

Most importantly, I want you to know we don’t have it all figured out. It is not always sunshine and laughter and joy. There are real concerns, fears, and questions. Even greater than all those messy emotions there is love.

[lesbelesbenot]

Speechless

The summer between my second and third grade year of school a group of nuns arrived in our tiny town to host vacation bible school. Our nun was explaining to us about death and heaven. (Yes, I'm aware at what a heavy topic this is for that age group, you know Catholic stuff.) So, our nun was explaining to us about not fearing death. She went on to explain through our faith we are promised this wonderful afterlife in this place called heaven. So, this genius woman, gives us the best analogy I have ever heard. She explains to us that we were all once in our mothers stomachs. We felt comfortable there. We could hear our mothers voice and we were fed and warm and safe. We had no idea that a whole new life awaited us. So, while we feel like this life is wonderful and comfortable and safe...we have no idea what lies ahead. Well, this story rings true in many scenarios. Britt and I have been living in a cave of darkness, fear, sadness, and uncertainty for a year. As unbelievable as it may seem, even darkness can become comfortable. Fear is that powerful and paralyzing. I have spent much of this year paralyzed by my emotions. With this came countless hours on a couch in a therapist office, countless articles read, and even more books devoured. One of the most powerful things I have learned is sitting with the uncomfortable and accepting it. And once you have accepted the uncomfortable, how can you reframe your thinking. At some point, I stopped thinking about myself and how lost and confused I was by what my spouse was sharing. Instead, I started to give love and acceptance because I remembered how it felt to yearn for love and acceptance. Britt is brave. How many of us can honestly say we are living our truth? And how many of us would be willing to live that truth if it meant we could possibly lose so much? That being said, I don't have it all figured out. My emotions get the best of me. I'm still navigating these waters and preparing for storms and waves ahead. I'm not alone. I have Britt. Aren't we all changing all the time anyway? Some time ago, I bought and read David Levithan's book, "Everyday". Britt and I reread this book together last year. I highly recommend it if you are asking yourself what you would do in my shoes.

[lesbelesbenot]

The bandage

Well, we’ve been talking about this for weeks. Britt’s gender therapist had him make a timeline for steps in his transition. One of the first was coming out to close family and friends. Then to come out on social media.

Well, the bandage has been ripped off. I introduced my husband to the Instagram world after he posted his first selfie in his first suit. Tonight is the Greater Austin High School Musical Theatre Awards and his school is a nominee. He ordered his first suit for the occasion. I tied his tie.

I’ve been sitting here for about an hour now thinking back on all of this. I’ve been all over the place emotionally about this. Tonight was really surreal.

One of the very first things I did after Britt told me about his wishes was buy him man pants. Or men’s underwear. I don’t really know what possessed me to do such a thing. You see, we’ve been on this journey since October. Almost no one has known until recently. I wanted to be supportive. I wanted him to feel comfortable in his baby steps in manhood. His underwear would be something no one could see but he could feel…

Much like how he felt for so long.

So, I took my happy ass to four stores and bought five types of underwear. My favorite being some poop emoji boxer briefs. They are still our favorite.

I have shed many tears. I know I will continue to do so as I mourn the loss of my wife Brittany. However, I’m learning that love is love is love. Whatever Britt’s soul is made of mine is too.

Here’s to our next big adventure.

[lesbelesbenot]

Current Struggle

I’m a thinker, I cannot help myself.

I’ve been up most of the night with this current struggle.

What makes someone male vs female other than chromosomes. How can you know if you were born in the right body?

The only comparison I have to the internal struggle my person is feeling is being a lesbian. I cannot describe how I know I’m a lesbian other than to say I feel it deeply within me. No, I’ve never been straight. No I have never been with a man but I know deep down it is not for me.

So, I this is what I have to compare how it must feel being born in the wrong body. You may not be able to pinpoint what inherently makes you feel male inside but you just know it.

Now, my struggle is I want to believe I am intelligent enough and love enough that the body is merely the vessel for the soul I have fallen in love with all these years. However, I still find myself having a difficult time imagining myself walking down a street holding the hand of a man, going to bed at night with a man, kissing a hairy face good night.

If the argument is, internally I am already doing these things because inside my person is already a male…

Then I have to say that doesn’t hold water for me. The same need to have my persons outside match their insides, is the driving force behind my indescribable need to be with a female.

I do not know if any of this makes sense.

I do know I have been having so many internal questions about myself. And that has been really difficult.

[betterversionofmyself69]

You will always be loved. You will always be accepted. Maybe not by many, but always be me. This is going to be a tough road but I will never change the direction. I have my times when I just don't know how to be but try not to take it personal. I love you for who you are, and it's like I'm getting to meet you for the first time all over again. I may have bad days but know it will always be you. And I will do anything I can to make this work! I want you happy no matter what the case. Nothing has changed and nothing will change. I promise it's me and you against this all ❤️ Love katiee

[bewareoceanstide-blog]

I'm Human, I mess up.

So I'm putting any and all questions and comments to rest now. Everyday I'm asked by multiple friends how my relationship is, and I find myself stumbling over female and male pronouns and confusing my friends to hell and back.

When I met my boyfriend cayden I was not aware of his Tran sexuality, because I didn't meet cayden, we were in the same training class and when I saw him my heart leaped out of my chest, but I had absolutely no courage to tell him. the first day of work when it was time to go home I walked past him and simply said "You're really attractive" and his response was to track me down through my friend Michael who we also worked with and get my name and my kik and number. Something beautiful bloomed from there.i very quickly fell for him..  

He very briefly introduced himself to me as cayden and that he was ftm transgender. I have never known my boyfriend as anything other than Cayden. I still occasionally trip over, she and her. but if you ask Cayden, im getting a lot better at it!

Too me He's a boy in all ways that matter. if he so chooses to do anything medically in the future to physically help himself then I am right behind him.

to see him struggle with his identity hurts a lot, but he knows im always going to be here.

if you have any questions, comments or if your in a trans relationship or are trans yourself. go ahead and talk to me. :)

im sure I have a whole bunch of answers! im very opinionated.

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