#transwoman problems

[roach-pizza]

My fiancee is a transwoman, and she is consistantly called a "Shemale" by a cishet man in our community. I wanna fuck up his farm, and run him out of business however I am not adept at spells let alone curses.

She deserves so much better and this man needs his ass handed to him.

[wish-ful-thinking513]

Venting about Important Topics

Don’t ask a trans person what gender they were assigned at birth or what their birth name is. It’s very rude and invaliditing. Also, it’s none of your business.

Don’t go behind their back and ask someone else this, either. It’s not important to you. It’s not that person’s job to tell you.

If that person trans person wants to tell you those things, that’s fine; it’s their choice. But don’t go demanding them or anyone else for that information.

If someone tells you not to ask things like that or tells you it’s rude, apologize. Sure, maybe you didn’t mean to hurt anyone. But it doesn’t change the fact that you did. If you accidentally stepped on someone’s toe, you would (hopefully) apologize and see if they were okay. The same principle applies if you accidentally offend someone. Apologize and listen to them; don’t get defensive and act like they hurt you.

[wide-worlds-joy]

Know what I want?  A role model

All these body positive posts I’m seeing that are “You are perfect like you are” and then the ads RIGHT NEXT TO THEM saying “you must do ______ to be thin and lovely”.  It hits me harder I think that it does many ciswomen.

I mean, they have been growing up with it their whole life.  YES it has affected them.  YES it has changed their view on themselves.  It’s horrible.  But they have also had time to get hit with it all, get used to it, realize that they got inculcated, reject it, come to peace with themselves and move on.

And then you have me. Started transition at 43.  Been male for almost 30 years, and had the cultural immersion in that.  Men didn’t have to be skinny and men who took care of themselves were “sissies” or “manscaped” or a “homo” or many other slurs for those men who took an interest in their appearance and were seen as womanly or less than male.

Thirty years of looking at models in the mags and seeing “This is what a WOMAN looks like” but no pressure to reject that for myself because I was still trying to fit into a male world so of course all women looked like that or they weren’t women.

So I didn’t give a shit for my body.  I didn’t stay in shape.  I’ve never been below 200 lbs since I hit the age of my majority (18), and was thrown out of the US Army for being too fat.  There was no incentive to lose weight and to do anything to make my appearance look anything other than what it was, a redneck beer-gut having slob who didn’t even have a good beard and was going bald.

Now, 43 I finally get to a point where I transition, I still have all that baggage saying this is how a REAL woman looks and if she doesn’t, she’s not a woman and should be hit with sticks!!!  

I know it’s crap.  My wife looks nothing like any of that.  But she IS short.  She DOES have the subcutaneous layer of fat.  She DOES have breasts.  To me, she is gorgeous and I love her more than anything in my life.  And I fell in love with her mind, not the wrapper.

But then there’s me.  Six foot tall, 240 lbs, size 11 shoes, size 14-22 dress size, and NO FUCKING WAIST.  

So we have everything in me saying “You aren’t a woman because you don’t have ANY of those things that women have, no soft skin, you have facial hair, you don’t really have boobs (because B cups on this frame look like cherries in my pockets unless I stuff), I actually get LARGER in my waist than I am anywhere else, no hips of any kind and I have micro butt.  The ONLY thing that I have is Long Legs (”legs that go from her ears to the floor”).  And I can get things off the top shelf at the store.

All this screaming “NOT A WOMAN”, and then I look in the mirror, and I can SEE “not a woman” staring back.

So I use wigs.  I use makeup. I use loose clothing. I use padded bras.  I use a corset that I can’t afford.  I use super girdles to hold the “bits” back.  I use collars.  I use tight clothing to pull me in and restrict me.  And I still get called ‘sir’ about 2 out of 7 times or so.  And it kills me.

Then I see things like Laverne Cox doing a lip sync in a SEXY costume that only looks good on skinny minnies.  Which she is.  I see RuPaul doing the same thing.  I see (goddess help me) Caitlyn Jenner with a skimpy sexy outfit on the cover of a magazine.  All these trans women who look spectacular with a LOT of work, a LOT of surgery or a LOT of natural beauty or a LOT of time doing this (like starting in their teens) and I want to die.  I mean, really die.  Suicide or murder or whatever.  I’ll get to be a girl in my next lifetime and as I have seen it, I’ll love it.

Because I don’t have what all of them have, money, time, nature.  And then I see dumpy and fugly ladies (in all the classical senses) like the lady from Game of Thrones or the geek lady from The Big Bang Theory or “Ugly Betty” star America Feira (sp) who clean up and put some basic makeup on who will blow many but the most beautiful women away.  I mean, FUCK.

And then I look at myself again.

And I see that I don’t even have that basic stuff.  

I need a transwoman who started out a dumpy redneck guy, who started transition late, and who now, 10 or more years later (because I’ve had this going on in my transition now for 6 years) look amazing like Laverne.  Or who doesn’t, and society says “it’s okay, you are a woman, we see you as a woman, and while you aren’t as classically beautiful like some, you are still at least a 7 or so.”

It might give me hope.  I’m “striking” at best, which is polite-speak for only being about a 4 on my best fucking day.  And it makes me suicidal.

[laureldiosa]

Some days, I am completely okay with my penis. Like, I’ve gotten used to it being there and the way it feels and the way it reacts to things. Then there are days that I revert back to really really really wishing it would just magically turn into a vagina. What really fucks me up, though, is that when I have a vagina in my dreams, I don’t feel...sexy? Like, it feels right and better, but at the same time, I feel wrong? I don’t get it...Maybe it stems from my lack of sexual attraction to vaginas? Maybe it’s some kind of internalized thing about never being “attractive” or “good enough” or “fuckable” no matter what I do with my genitalia? I don’t know man...but this shit stays confusing and I’m kind of tired of it.

[bloomingchrysalisarchive]

*exits bathroom stall*

*sees guy walk into other stall, going to take a piss, leaving door open*

*screams internally, goes to other side of room to finish washing hands*

*hear toilet flush, see guy walking out*

*realise they didn’t wash their hands either*

*screaming intensifies*

[wide-worlds-joy]

always confused.  They have all these products for women, and some of them are done for the hormonal chemistry in women.  Some are nothing, like a razor for women is the same razor for a man, just pink and five times the price, but some (like some soaps and meal plans) are made specifically for one hormone group instead of another.  

So the confusion comes at “what do I choose”?  My DNA is still male, I still have a lot of male hormones in my body, but I also take extreme amounts of female hormones, hoping that they override the male ones.  

So what I do choose?

Some of them are no brainers, like razors and deodorant, but what meal plan?  Do I get the machine that lets me tone my legs, butt and arms for women, or do I avoid it because all my body is going to do is bulk up and I’ll become, not a streamlined and muscled woman, but a bulked up strong armed half man?

[hyperninjabagel]

I read an article about how fertility rate dropping as women get older and I felt sad and worried about my self, then I realised I don't have a uterus...now I feel worse

[pre-rachelle]

today is father's day

I hope I never become a father, if you know what I mean.....