Jan 30, 2021
watching y’all happily rb things from people i have blocked is an Experience
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Croatia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from United States
watching y’all happily rb things from people i have blocked is an Experience
OPERATION START SAVING MONEY AGAIN AND BEING MORE RESPONSIBLE
SOOOO i’ve been terribly bad lately when it comes to getting packaged food and though we haven’t splurged on a concert or day trip in a while because we haven’t been able to, my stress has been up lately and made me give a few less shits about things that save resources and money. It seems lately, even before the holidays, that i’ve been going from one extreme to another. And even though the last few years I have avoided setting myself a rigid list of goals, and tried to change my approach to life a bit, I am going to give myself a couple goals on here to reinstate some old zero-waste type habits of mine.
1. Make my laundry detergent again. I realized today I was basically out of detergent and am now cringing at the thought of buying more. The first time I made laundry soap out of fels naptha, borax, and baking soda, i think I spent about 10 bucks and did laundry for about a year.
is there such a thing as reverse body dysmorphia? I just feel like the me I see In the mirror is a totally different person than the one I see in pictures and videos. I don’t think much of my body until I see myself how others *might* see me. Even with that being said I still can’t look at myself completely naked but that might just be gender dysphoria
THIS PLACE IS NOT A PLACE OF HONOR.
NO HIGHLY ESTEEMED DEAD IS COMMEMORATED HERE.
NOTHING IS VALUED HERE.
WHAT IS HERE IS DANGEROUS AND REPULSIVE TO US.
THIS MESSAGE IS A WARNING ABOUT DANGER.
Bushfire and Mental Health
I’ve been waiting for it. The mental health stuff. I’ve listened to the psychology experts and what happens after bushfires…
The need to talk incessantly about it - did that. (Although I am already prone to talking as most of you know!)
Show people pictures - did that. Some people wanted to see, some shied away, we couldnt help but ‘document’ our experience I guess.
Get angry about stuff - did that, actually stil doing that - about recovery being uncoordinatored and slow - we are still waiting to hear from the state contractor while around us, properties impacted one month after us have already been cleared.
Who recovers worst - the ones who leave. Well we’re still here.
Who recovers best - those with strong community connections. Our friends, our neighbours, our children’s school - have been and still are, there for us.
The 6 month mark is significant - 2 weeks away. Doesn’t feel that much different.
When the money comes in fractures occur in communities - yes I can’t deny I feel something when I hear blaze aid is fixing other people’s fences, when other communities get the attention and most of the donations. Overwhelmingly I feel like they deserve it, because having no notice and not even having a choice to evacuate and then only having the clothes you stand in is extreme. And there were many who were disadvantaged before the fires who are clearly far worse off now. But not everyone is in that situation and still others seem to benefit more. Or are they? It just messes with your head. Recently we’ve had some beautiful and unexpected donations - a voucher from Treading Lightly for plants was really special. Mr 8 suggested we split the $ and each chose one plant, we agreed. He chose indoor plants we are enjoying now, my husband and Mr 6 chose fruit trees for the orchard we’ve always planned at the block. I chose a beautiful fern to go in an anniversary gift pot - the pot survived the fire, the original plant did not. A few weeks ago we went to buy new trainers for Mr 6 at the local shoe shop, the lengthy decision process revealed our ‘situation’ to the shop staff and only then did we discover they had funds for a new pair of shoes for each of us since we’d lost our home. Wonderful and unexpected kindness.
We moved to our block to do our thing and I think our recovery will be the same. Although I’m starting to push a little and ask for help. The private and independent me has realised there is help out there and maybe asking for some is ok and it could make things faster, cheaper or smarter. Moving forward is not easy or quick. This I know from watching our neighbours who kept their house, but had to work through insurance inspections, claims, plans, orders, coordinating trades and finally installation of amenities. It’s arduous both mentally and logistically. We’re about to embark on that journey for just a shed, then we have to build a road and only after that can we even contemplate a house.
Which brings me back to mental health. There was a time I wondered if my son would be forever marked by this event, but then one weekend I saw he would be fine. Last night I had that realisation about things for myself. It’s a scar. It hurts. It’s set our plans back a number of years. But I don’t have a diagnosis other than regret and sadness. While evacuating twice was stressful and losing so much is devastating, we were scared but unlike others we didn’t flee with fire behind us - we have experienced loss rather than trauma. I am ok. I will be busy, stressed, grumpy, sooky and occasionally angry. But I will recover from this. I will be ok.
I broke one of my favorite travel cups today and that is a bad omen if I ever saw one
So. I've been thinking. I want to be convinced of Ziam. Anyone want to share their "I Believe" moment?
