girlfriend has an eating disorder | girlfriend has autistic meltdown | girlfriend has ocd | rv dealing with s.o’s anxiety | girlfriend has self harm scars | girlfriend has a stutter | girlfriend has panic attack | s.o has mental breakdown
a lot happened yesterday!! first, i had two exams in one day (and i have another exam today TwT), I think i did well tho.
After school finished, i went to the house of one of my friends to make the group project we had for today. we baked a cake!! and made the project out of pasta americana (idk the english name), I'm gonna post the pics of the cake here later <3
Anyway. after that, we watched The hunchback of notre dame while we ate pizza >:3
it was pretty fun!! there was a moment were my friends smaller sister, turned to us and said "Look what i do to (friend's name)" and slapped him so goddamn hard (not in the face, in the belly lol) it made a loud sound. AND IT LEFT A MARK LMAO
like, you could OUTLINE her hand!! and she's a kid! like a little kid. You could see the fingers in the mark and it was super red lol. it was pretty funny tho (and he later said that she never slapped him this hard)
Also, after we got of the subway (when we were going to my friends house), A sweet woman called me over, to whisper to me "Oh your pants are dirty", bc i got my period and didn't notice because i was so distracted. I swear to God she's an angel. she made sure i knew about it without calling too much attention to it. My other two friends helped me hide it.
Funny enough, Both friends that helped are AFAB, one is a trans dude, and other is nonbinary. they INSTANTLY knew what to do once we noticed, my nb friend offered their hoodie so i could hide it (another angel lmao)
the two other friends that were with us were both dudes (AMAB) and they got so goddamn confused lmao. like they're going "wait is everything okay? whats happening?" and we all went "nothing is happening. its okay."
if there's an AFAB Bro code, its this.
(TW BELOW: DEATH,CANCER, IT GETS PRETTY SAD)
AND THERE'S MORE! when i was going back home, i was informed my parents's friend died :(. he had cancer, and his cancer was so fast in killing him, i was kinda surprised. like we knew he was dying but not THIS fast...
bc of covid, my parents weren't able to say goodbye to him (they both have covid), so this sucks extra hard for them.
for those who don't know, my dad also has cancer(on both kidneys), but we're lucky he got in a GREAT treatment program (that's still being tested, but so far his cancer is being cured!) that's covered by our insurance. My dad tried to get his friend into the program too but wasn't able to.
My dad's friend wasn't so lucky, and he went with SUS (our public health system), outside of the waiting, he did beat the cancer once but it came back a second time. Since he was already weak because of the previous treatment i guess that was worse...
Once the doctors realized there's nothing they could do, they tried so hard to get him out of the hospital (which was kinda weird, but i get it. you need to open up beds for those who CAN get treated), in the end before he died, they gave him a lot of morphin (is that the drug that sedates you?... like he wasn't feeling any pain) so he could pass on without any pain.
I'm more sad for my parents, who lost a friend they made in college (back when they were around 20-25, and they're 57 and 60 now), and weren't able to say goodbye one last time (i know that pain tho. lost my grandpa and didn't get to say goodbye either...)
I didn't know my parent's friend well. and I'm also pretty weird with grief so I'm not feeling like, rlly rlly rlly sad. I'm just sorry for my parents who have to see their friend go without saying goodbye.
(TW ENDS HERE)
Well. yesterday was rlly messy huh. hope today is more calm.
Outside of all of... that. and the sad part. i think in total my day was good. messy and busy. but good.
Prompt 26.05/2016 : someone saying the sentence "You're gonna have to choose a side - that's just the way it works."
Prompted by ♥ | 1425 words (I’m sorrrrryyy) | lot’s of triggering stuff, be careful | unedited
Stiles is hurt—again. In the grand scheme of things, his sprained wrist and bruised ribs were the most minor of all the injuries sustained by the others, but . . . well. They’re not the ones that have to stabilize their wrist for a month afterward, or watch how big of breaths to take in order to minimize the pain. Stiles likes to think he’s used to it, but it still nagged that no one asks after him the next day.
Another sleepless night spent researching. Another stack of empty coffee mugs. Another mess in need of extensive clean up. And with school in fifteen minutes, Stiles just wants the ground to open up so that he may take his eternal rest.
Scott asks him if he’s okay when Stiles falls asleep in class and almost falls out of his desk.
“I’m fine, Scotty.”
A girl goes missing. Stiles knows why, but he can’t get a word in between the werewolf snarling and declarations of heroic intent. He can’t focus his eyes and figures it’s just easier to wait for the werewolves to calm down. He stares into his cold coffee instead.
Somewhere along the lines, coffee has become his only salvation.
Once the plans are made and everyone knows their role, they go hunting this thing. The latest monster. The newest nightmare. Stiles is just so tired of it all.
He starts his jeep. Malia is wrinkling her nose as she sits in the passenger seat but keeps whatever she’s thinking to herself. Stiles is grateful for the silent respite as he gets on the road.
He faints at the wheel halfway to their destination.
It’s cold and dark. There are shadows everywhere. He can’t breathe. His heart is going a mile a minute, but he can’t see. He just knows—feels—that there is something in the darkness that can see him. He wants to scream but his breath is coming too fast. And he can’t do anything about it.
A familiar hospital ceiling greets him when he finally opens his eyes. It’s silent, but not suffocatingly so. His head aches, and his wrist feels newly sprained, but he doesn’t feel all that terrible really. Considering what happened.
Sitting up turns out to be a terrible idea as he faints again.
It’s still dark and cold. But he can breathe a little easier after what felt like an eternity of trying to calm down. There is still something out there, and it still frightens him, but, hey, gotta die sometime, right?
He doesn’t die. Malia caught the wheel and righted the car before it had a chance to crash, but Stiles still hit his head pretty hard on the wheel on his way down. And Malia re-sprained his wrist when she used her wolfy strength to try and catch him.
Melissa asks him, “When was the last time you’ve eaten?”
He doesn’t remember. “Does coffee count?”
The pack lets it go eventually.
Being tossed into a tree is not fun. Stiles is out of commission for the rest of the week. He doesn’t sleep well.
There is a massacre. A lot of bodies tossed around, missing legs and arms and heads. In the middle of the woods, naturally. Campers. Many have been snacked on by the woodland creatures. The Sheriff’s department is on top of it, but many of the officers are ashen and uncharacteristically silent.
Scott is uncharacteristically silent as well.
“Did you pick up a scent of what did it?”
Scott glances at Stiles, eyes haunted. “No.”
It’s dark, but not so cold. Stiles can breathe. Not being able to see is not much of a hardship. It’s calming. He thinks he’s finally making friends with his demons.
They never catch the killer. But they do find more supernatural creatures coming to town. Supernatural creatures of the dangerous variety.
Stiles researches. Insomnia is his friend. Scott gets his retribution on all the baddies and the pack protects its territory. It’s a win-win.
He sees it in slow motion. The clawed hand of an insane omega werewolf slashing at his head. There is no way his human reflexes will move him out of the way in time, and any of the betas are too far away to intervene. Scott is too far away.
Stiles moves anyway. And, turns out, he underestimated himself. The claw misses, and Stiles is at a perfect angle to ram a wolfsbane coated knife into the bastard’s heart.
He doesn’t hesitate.
That’s the first time he walks away from a fight without an injury.
It’s not so dark anymore. Neither is it cold. Stiles thinks he sees little flashes of light at the edges of his vision. But there is muted screaming. Stiles pays it no mind.
For once in his life, he wakes up refreshed.
The trend continues. Somehow, Stiles is all sorts of lucky. Hits that never before had an impact stagger his opponents. He dodges before he even realizes someone is attacking him.
Scott looks at him triumphantly after the vampire burns into a pile of ash. “I can’t believe that worked.”
His enthusiasm is contagious. Stiles grins. He doesn’t have a scratch on him. “That was awesome,” he says.
Scott hugs him, and for once, it doesn’t bruise. “Hey, I thought your wrist was still bothering you. How did you manage to roll away like that?”
“I don’t know,” he says, but Scott’s attention had wandered away to check up on everybody else. Stiles rolls his wrist absently and it doesn’t hurt. He thinks he sees little lights from the corners of his eyes. “It must be better now,” he finishes anyway.
His dad comes back home subdued that night. He pulls out a bottle of whiskey and Stiles hesitates to share the latest success. “What happened?” he asks instead.
His dad throws back the entire glass. “A massacre.”
He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but it feels good. What should be a nightmare—people screaming, guts flying, blood spraying the earth in gory caricatures of a Jackson Pollock painting—doesn’t actually bother him. It’s not dark anymore. He can see little fireflies flitting above all the destruction, paying it no mind.
It feels like forever. He wakes up with a smile and a body pleasantly relaxed.
Scott is looking at Stiles. Malia is looking at Stiles. Kira has her hand on her belt and tries not to obviously stare. Lydia studies him from underneath her long eyelashes. It’s a beautiful day. Stiles just tries to enjoy it. His friends will eventually tell him what’s bothering them.
Or maybe he’s smiling on a day that that another massacre occurred, and they think he’s being weird.
He can see Scott. Can see his snarling shifted face as it turns blotchy with constricted blood. He can’t pry the perfectly human hands from around his neck.
Stiles recognizes those hands. Immediately he lets go. Scott falls, gasping for breath.
He looks around, confused why Lydia is barely holding on to consciousness. He can’t reconcile the fact of Malia and the large hole in her chest, missing a very valuable organ. His hands are coated with something warm, and it drips down his forearms as he stares at them.
Red. So much red.
Kira is standing above Scott, badly bruised but with a sword in hand and her kitsune completely visible.
There's a presence behind him that he recognizes from his dreams. It calms his frantically beating pulse. “Scott—” he chokes out, terrified of the understanding he just came to.
Abruptly, he remembers. All the death. Remembers the rush of power. Realizes the cost of his sudden skills. Understands what fuelled his improved reflexes and what it all really meant.
“Scott—” he tries again. Tries to push it past his constricting throat. “I’m—I—”
But didn’t it feel good to finally have some control?
And by god, it did. Not being constantly abused, forgotten, ignored.
Didn’t it feel good to defend yourself?
It did. Stiles can’t deny it.
Didn’t it feel good to be strong?
It did.
Wouldn't it be worth it to feel it all again?
It . . .
You’re going to have to choose a side.
Stiles looks at Scott’s betrayed face. At the resolve in Kira’s.
That's the way it works.
Stiles doesn’t know anymore.
The Sheriff wakes up with a now familiar hangover. His brain adds another tally to the days Stiles stays missing. He doesn’t get out of bed.
He can still see the cold dead faces of the kids that he’s come to consider family every time he closes his eyes.