#triggered warning

[hellophantoms]

I'm going to have a blood test tomorrow/today, but I hate taking blood and I hate needles. I even passed out a few times. I should sleep, so I can feel good tomorrow, and decrease the chances of passing out, but I can't stop thinking about it and get anxious and then I can't sleep 😭

I really hate blood test

[tingerlly]

FICTIONAL character Suzuya Juuzou.

[fix-myself]

Quella sensazione di estraneamento dalla realtà.

Quando senti tutto come se avessi un batuffolo di cotone nel cervello che ti fa arrivare ogni percezione distorta, e ti fa sentire tutto lontano e ti fa vedere tutto sgranato.

Quando non riesci a concentrarti nemmeno sulla minima sciocchezza e l’unica cosa che vorresti fare è dormire, spegnere tutto per almeno un’ora.

[fix-myself]

Ho abbandonato questo social troppe volte, nonostante ami la scrittura più di ogni altra cosa. Questo anno ho riaperto il mio profilo centrale ma adesso sto andando incontro ad un periodo buio, anzi, mi sto accorgendo del buio che mi circonda da un bel po’. Ho iniziato questo blog per condividere quello che sto passando, tra riflessioni e informazioni. Spero di essere utile a più persone possibili.

[sinister--uso-blog]

A truth that must be revealed. ( Trigger Warning ) [ Life Story of Vlad ]

||✘ Alright. I ave a story that I need to tell you all and a few secrets that I'm willing to share. First off, I'm sorry I was off and on Tumblr. This time I will be on for a bit, but that's what I'm not going to be talking about... ||✘ The reason why is was that I was defending myself from these bullies that came into my house. It all started when I was moving to a new area. It seemed all nice and perfect. It was a dream come true. As soon as a week past and I started school, these kids begin to tease me and everything. I always ignored them, but what they said about me brought me down. They called me a idiot, asshole, faggot, and so many more names. I would list them for you, but I just can't bring myself to do so. On with the story.. One day I was walking after school they were following me and came up to me. They began to hurt me. One of them began to hold me down while the other two were kicking and punching me. As soon as it begin it quickly finished. They left me there weeping on the ground with bruises and cuts all over my body. I quickly went home and rushed inside my room crying. My parents weren't home and they were out and about with their lives. For me, I begin to think what I did to those people. I never harmed anyone before, but why were they doing this to me. I never talked bad about them. Soon after, people started to start rumors about me. It was to much to handle. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Slowly I soon begin to accept those rumors and began to cut myself. Every time there was a new rumor a new cut would appear on my wrist. Each day a total of three rumors were created about me. A total of 15 cuts on my wrists each week day. I didn't know what to do anymore. I just begin to cut myself for no apparent reason. Every time someone made a bad remark about me I would just go to my room and cut myself again and again. I didn't know what to do anymore. I just stayed in my room all day with the shades closed as I cried alone. I was afraid. ||✘ One day my mom found me cutting myself and just stared at me in disbelief. A group of words came out of her mouth that still haunts me today. "What child does this. You think you're having the hard life. I'm having the hard life of raising you... You inconsiderate bastard." After hearing those words from her, she slammed the door behind her and went to lurk into her room. What did I do when I heard those words? Cut myself even more as I cried myself to sleep. The next morning wasn't better either. My dad was scolding me and my mom slapped me for doing something wrong. She told me to do it a specific way and I did the way she asked. I heard her muttering more foul words at me as she left for work.                                  A few years later.... To today's date. ||✘ I'm still cutting myself even today. Today I hear someone breaking in, but I was just a fool for staying in my room. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. The door slowly opened and I saw those three guys again with a knife and a grin. One came after me and I quickly dodged it. I had to get out and thus I did. I escaped out of my window and and rolled off the roof and onto my front lawn. I heard them coming after me and so I took off running. I glanced behind me and see them after me and calling me names. One came running fast in a blink of an eye and threw himself on me as he punched me in the face brutally. The others joined along and soon I was surrounded by them. One of them made a cut to my right cheek as the others kicked and punched me. After 30 minutes of this, they left as they spat on me. My body was aching and I was bleeding. I struggled to make it back home into my room as I tended to my wounds. After I bandaged myself up, I took my knife and cut myself once more on the wrist. A idea came to me and I wanted to share this story with you guys. Right now I'm crying and weeping while my parents are out with my siblings, ignoring me as I get hurt. Guys... I really don't know anymore. I can't stop crying and I just.. I just can't stop cutting myself. While I'm writing this.. I really can't find anyone to talk to. I barely have friends and most people just ignore me. Just to let you know, I still see a future for me. I won't take my life because I see something good coming for me... I'm sorry if you cried if you read this... I really wanted to share it with you guys. I had enough of this and I need support. I try to be happy for you guys and telling you I'm fine, but I'm not actually fine. Most of my days are okay and some are just really shitty.          ||✘ I wanted to thank you for reading my story. Now you know what I'm going through.

                                                                                             -Vladimir Rose (Vlad)