#tripleaxeldiaz

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Fic Author Self-Rec

I was tagged by @qqueenofhades mwah dear!

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love. ❤

I know what I would pick for the five if I was being fully honest - it's the same five I've repeatedly picked before (Reincarnation AU, Hades!Buck AU, Zombie Apocalypse AU, Ghost!Buck AU, and Hades!Eddie AU). But I wanted to challenge myself and pick five fics from this year, 2024, since it is the end of the year and it would be nice to look back on it.

I wrote far more fanfic than I planned (728,600 words), including a threesome collection and a rarepair (77k words for a Midsomer Murders fic what is wrong with me). I had hoped to surprise post my big Xedgin fic as a new year's gift but that ended up not happening, alas. I haven't forgotten it though and while I am now 100% focused on my original novels I promise to find time to post it.

Anyway enough navel-gazing, here are my five favorite fics from this year!

Racing with the Brakes Cut

My Fast & Furious AU that I wrote in a burst of inspiration after I was made to marathon the series with friends. I had a lot of fun writing it. There's a very particular feel to the first F&F film - a vibe of Los Angeles in the dog days of summer, a sense of desperate people living in the beautiful grit of the city, a feeling of messy found family, and a particular brand of homoeroticism, that I wanted to capture. I like to think I succeeded.

Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck)

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO JUST BE A FUN SUGAR BABY AU. I predicted it would be around 60k words and it turned out double that number. But I'm really proud of how I wove seasons one through four into this canon and ended up incorporating Buck and Eddie's alternate relationship into the canon. This is also a fic I posted chapter by chapter and the responses I got from everyone along the way were delightful. I think this might be one of my most popular fics, actually. I just had a blast writing it and responding to everyone's comments, it really felt like a community, and that's what fic and fandom are all about.

Connected the Dots in Reverse (But Still Completed the Picture)

This is a Ghost Files/Unsolved AU and that proved to be a challenge. How do you capture the feeling of watching a video in a written work? How do you replicate the banter and the humorous editing? I also had to watch the entire two series over again to pick what locations and quotes I wanted to incorporate into the fic, so that was a lot. But I had a lot of fun writing it. It was especially fun to get to lean into Eddie's sassy, goofy, Buck-enabling side.

The Blood Between My Teeth is My Own

I am so proud of myself that this was only 32k. YAY, ME! I love the 118 as werewolves, and it was great to finally dive into that with a fic that had a proper plot. It was fun to explore Eddie's personal issues through the lens of lycanthropy, and I enjoyed depicting werewolves as properly monstrous rather than just big wolves or slightly-transformed humans. I wrote this in the span of about 72 hours and I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out.

I’m Not Breathing Unless I’m Giving You CPR

YES I KNOW THIS IS FROM 2023 BUT BEAR WITH ME. I wrote this fic as an experiment and was extremely nervous about its reception. I didn't think most people would read it or enjoy it. But if you look at my stats page for 2023, it has the most hits, second-most kudos, second-most bookmarks, and second-most comments. I'm floored, absolutely floored. Over the last year I've repeatedly gotten really lovely comments from people talking about how this fic has affected them, and it's really meant more than I can say. Especially as I dive into my novels which feature characters who are various levels of disaster and do often mess up, or are hard to love, or who make wrong or bad choices, or are mentally unwell, it's so encouraging to know that this darker fic that I really was nervous about has been so loved.

Tagging @extasiswings @tripleaxeldiaz @peridotglimmer @givemeunicorns and @princessfbi. No pressure but I hope as this (terrible) year comes to a close you all have a chance to look with pride at some of your writing!

[elisela]

waking up + sterek pls and ty ilysm 🥹🥹🥰🥰

half my soul (as the poets say) sterek, long-distance relationship, au

.

The first blush of dawn wakes him. Stiles isn’t used to an east facing room—his childhood bedroom was orientated to the north, his dorm to the west—and already it’s on his list of things to look for when he eventually moves. He needs to get blackout curtains or he’s never going to get a decent night’s sleep, but it’s been low on his priority list. 

He yanks the pillow next to his over his face and gropes for his phone on the nightstand. “Siri, call Derek,” he directs, voice scratchy. Calling is such a familiar motion that he could probably navigate the screen without looking at it, but the last thing he wants is to mess up and be forced to talk to someone else at 4:36 in the morning. 

“Jesus, I just fell asleep,” is how Derek answers the phone. There’s warmth in his tone when he adds, “go back to sleep, baby,” and Stiles grins sleepily into the pillow. 

“Kay,” he says, setting the phone on the mattress next to him and turning on his side. The pillow on his face blocks the light but even with Derek’s not-really-there presence, it still takes too long before he does.

—

“You’re up early,” Stiles says, tapping the speaker button before letting the phone rest on his thigh. 

“Out of coffee,” Derek grunts in response, a non-answer to the question Stiles hadn’t asked. 

“Poor babe,” he says, grinning as he taps at his keyboard to send the fifth email he’d composed in the seven minutes he’s been in the office. He’d had visions of being terrorized by senior staff and forced to do nothing but coffee runs for the first few weeks, but his boss had handed over access to his computer after the first day of orientation and Stiles had been killing it ever since. He moves two more emails into a folder labeled “Begging for Handouts”—he never said his boss was nice to others—and picks his phone back up. “Didn’t you just go to the store yesterday?”

“Yeah,” Derek says. He yawns, stuttering on the last sound, so familiar and ordinary that it makes Stiles’ heart ache.

“Forgot to put it on the list?”

“Forgot the list.” There’s a pause while Stiles navigates the app on his phone, adding a breakfast sandwich along with the coffee, then Derek speaks again. “It’s too quiet without you.”

He double-presses the side button to check out, then screenshots and sends it to Derek. He hates being gone. He hates even more that he’s having a pretty good time checking out their new city and getting their apartment ready while Derek is stuck back in California, finishing up his last few weeks of work and cleaning their old apartment out before their lease ends. “It’s just a few more weeks,” he says, bending down to fish his earphones out of his messenger bag. 

“Yeah,” Derek says, and then, “you didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh, I did,” he says. “You still need a good letter of reference, can’t have you biting everyone’s heads off at work because you’re not properly caffeinated.”

—

“Morning,” Stiles mutters in the general direction of the phone. Derek will hear it, he thinks. Maybe. It probably doesn’t matter if he doesn’t. “What are you and Laura doing today?”

“She insists I take her to La Palmera for the last time,” Derek says with a heavy sigh, and Stiles grins despite his exhaustion. They’ve gone to La Palmera—Laura’s favorite restaurant—for the “last time” five times now since he left. “You?”

Laying in bed all day, probably. The string of late-night work sessions have him feeling run-down, and the weariness makes him miss Derek. If he were home—

“I miss you,” he says, rolling his face into the t-shirt he’d flung on his bed the night before despite it no longer smelling like his boyfriend. His eyes burn and he blinks, trying to keep his breathing steady. 

“I can cancel with Laura,” Derek offers after a moment, and Stiles shakes his head before he’s even done with the sentence.

“It’s just a few more weeks,” he says, clutching the shirt a little closer. “Go have fun with your sister.”

He doesn’t make it out of bed until almost dinner.

—

Stiles wakes up slowly—a vague awareness of his dream floating away, light filtering in through the window—and then, once he registers the breathing, all at once.

Derek is in his bed.

He blinks.

Derek doesn’t disappear.

Derek’s arm gives slightly when he pokes it, pushing in towards his body, and sleepy eyes blink open. “Go back to sleep,” he says, voice sandpaper-rough.

“You’re here,” Stiles says, inanely. He doesn’t dare raise his voice over a whisper in case this really is a delusion and it breaks the spell. 

“Missed you.” Derek rolls over and Stiles finds himself being pulled in towards his warm chest, head fitting automatically in the curve of his neck. “Flew out last night, couldn’t wait anymore. Stuff’ll be here in a few days.”

The weight lifts from his chest and he feels like his breath comes freely for the first time all summer. “You didn’t tell me.”

“Last minute thing,” Derek says; Stiles can feel the way he frowns against his temple. “Sleep. Please. You can pretend to be mad at me in the morning.”

It is morning, he wants to say, but—Derek. In his bed. 

“Kay,” he says, and falls asleep before he can say anything more. 

still taking prompts if you want to send one!

[capseycartwright]

52 for the touching prompts 👀👀🥰

52: gripping thigh

Buck wanted it on record that he hated the doctors. It wasn’t a fear, no – he hadn’t been one of those kids who’d been scared of going to the doctor. No, his hatred was relatively new: and as a result of all the long days, and lonely nights he’d spent siting in hospital waiting rooms, or lying in a hospital bed himself, waiting on news about the people he loved the most in the world – or waiting on news about himself.

News that would impact on the rest of his life, his career – impact all of the things that made him happiest.

He avoided going to the doctor, as much as possible – they had the yearly physicals from the LAFD, and routine checks after fires, but he rarely went of his own accord.

Until today.

Buck’s leg had been playing up. It had started a few weeks ago, now, a twinge after a long rescue, and Buck had just assumed he’d twisted it. He’d gone home, and done the hot-and-cold therapy, Eddie a diligent nurse as he counted down fifteen minutes on his watch, switching out Buck’s ice, for a heat-pack, and back again.

It had been okay, after that. Not perfect, no – it wasn’t perfect because Buck’s leg was never going to be perfect again, not after having the weight of a fire engine on it, but it was as okay as it ever was. Buck had – well, he’d learned to live with the pain, and the way his knee would ache, when the weather turned colder.

Except –

It got worse.

Buck had gritted his teeth, and worked through the pain, and he hadn’t told Eddie, and he was getting away with it, too, until his leg had given out in the shower, and he’d slipped, and he’d had to shout for his husband to help.

Eddie had been the one who’d made the doctors appointment after he’d scooped a wet Buck out of the shower and ran him through concussion protocol. They’d gone to their GP, and their GP had referred Buck to an orthopaedic specialist, who’d sent Buck for what felt like dozens of scans, and now they were sitting in his office, and Buck felt like he was having a panic attack.

“Breathe, baby,” Eddie’s voice was steady, as he spoke.

It sort of made Buck want to scream.

“I can’t,” Buck shook his head.

“Buck, you don’t know what he’s going to say,” Eddie’s eyes were wide, pleading, as he looked at Buck. “You need to calm down, or you’re going to work yourself up into a panic attack.”

He was already halfway there, frankly.

Buck shook his head. “I can’t,” he repeated, and he hated the way his voice cracked, mid-sentence, his own terror, and upset, escaping the vice he’d tried to clamp them in before they’d walked into the doctor’s office. He didn’t want to cry. “Eddie, how can I calm down? I don’t – I don’t know what he’s about to turn around and tell me. What if – what if I can’t work? What if there’s something really, terribly, horribly wrong, and he’s going to tell me that I can’t go back to being a firefighter?”

Eddie looked crestfallen. “Buck,” he admonished gently. “Why haven’t you talked to me about how you’re feeling? I didn’t – I didn’t realise that was where your head was at with all of this.”

“I don’t know how to talk about it,” Buck admitted, and that was the truth of it: it had been years, now, since the bombing, and he still woke up in a cold sweat, the phantom weight of the fire engine crushing his leg feeling as though it was pinning him to their bed. It had been years, and sometimes Buck still didn’t know how to talk about it, how to talk about the way it made him feel, talk about the fear that always lingered in the back of his mind, wondering if an injury he’d gotten at 28 was going to be the thing that forced him to retire from the only job he’d ever loved years before he should have to.

He didn’t know how to talk about it.

“Buck...”

“Eddie, don’t,”  Buck shook his head. “I didn’t talk about it because I can’t – I can’t take the platitudes, I can’t deal with you telling me that everything is going to be okay, because you don’t know if it’s going to be okay. You don’t, and I can’t handle you telling me everything is going to be fine.”

Buck squeezed his eyes shut. He’s not sure that he could handle the sympathetic look that he knew was on Eddie’s face right now, because he was pretty sure that the sympathy would be the thing to send him over the edge.

“Buck. Can you look at me, for a second?”

“No,” Buck mumbled. “I’ll cry.”

He could hear the barely concealed laughter in Eddie’s voice. “That’s okay,” he said. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen you cry.”

Buck opened his eyes and glared at his husband. “Are you calling me a cry-baby?”

“I’d never,” Eddie grinned. “I think you’re in touch with your own emotions in an admirable and healthy way.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he huffed. “Eddie – I’m terrified that he’s going to walk in here and tell me that it’s over, and I can’t be a firefighter anymore.”

Buck hadn’t realised his leg was bouncing up and down until Eddie put a hand on his thigh, his grip tight. The gold of his wedding ring was striking against the navy material of Buck’s trousers, a reminder of the commitment they’d made to each other only a few months ago, now.

“I won’t sit here, and tell you that it’s going to be okay,” Eddie said, giving Buck a reassuring smile. “But I will sit here and tell you that no matter what he says, and no matter what he says, we’re going to get through this. Okay? I mean – it’s not really okay, I know, but – well, you know what I mean.”

“I do,” Buck flashed his husband a watery smile.

“Take a deep breath for me,” Eddie encouraged, and Buck was too tired to fight it this time, mimicking the way his husband was breathing in, and out. “That’s it. Take another one for me.”

Buck breathed in, and out, and as he breathed out for the second time, the door opened.

“Mr Buckley-Diaz,” his doctor greeted, holding a sheaf of paper. “I’ve got the results of your scans here.”

Eddie’s grip on Buck’s thigh was tight enough to be uncomfortable, but it was grounding, in a way. Buck nodded. “Okay,” he breathed in again, long, and slow. “Hit me with it, doc.”

send me a touching prompt

[fcntasmas-archive]

13, 16, 37 👀🥰🌟

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

oh this is a good one. i don't think so? OH, high school aus. i used to love high school aus -- when i was in high school. now, i'm an old, jaded woman, and though i can appreciate their existence and what they might provide for other people who do enjoy them still, i do not have the patience for teenie brains anymore. i simply do not. you're a CHILD. it's not the end of the world do ur homework

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

i'm so fucking excited for @nymika-arts's manifest au u have NO idea. i'm gonna lock her in a room and make her finish it lauren just you watch

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?

i mean, it's gotta be keep going, keep going come way may. like. i wrote that before coma buck was even the inkling of a theory. i just thought the Vibes would be cool. and they WERE. and it helped me process a lot of the grief i was experiencing at the time, too. idk, i feel like it maybe doesn't get too much traction because of the summary??? like, people assume it's an au or something idk fjsakldfj but i'm really proud of it and i always enjoy a good deep-dive into buck's psyche

send me a fic writer ask

[fcntasmas]

ceecee my love please tell me about the absolute worst date you’ve ever been on 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

oh man i could tell you so many but. hmm. i'll give you one of the tamer ones fdsjklf

she spent most of the date talking about snakes and how much she loved them and was obsessed with them and at the time i was also just pining over someone else anyway so it was extra annoying and then she tried to make out with me in the bathroom and it was just. like. an "i'm gonna pay the bill and leave" kind of situation but since i was pining and sad i,,,, didn't do that rip and i saw it through. like. the whole way through. i'm still ashamed of it fjadsklf

tmi tuesday

[leothil]

“part of the hate is because we don’t know what kristen is planning or what’s going to happen next” that’s how tv shows work???? is this your first time watching one??? what do you MEAN

I know, it's like people have forgotten how to watch unfinished shows! The anticipation is part of the process??

[zainclaw]

so i was looking at the very end of my ao3 history, and apparently one of the first fics i read on there was your “dances with wolves” fic in THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2013. and i was such a fan of yours all the way back then, and now it’s 2022 and we’re FRIENDS and i just think that’s really neat 🥲🥲🥲🥰🥰🥰

omg Lauren 🥺🥺❤️❤️ this just made me super emotional SAGHGFKSD I'm so glad we're friends now 😭🥰

[littlespoonevan]

hi ciara, would you please consider NOT using the queue function to space out the volume of your posts? you have great posts, and i want to see them all in a row whenever you post so you’re the only person on my dash. also it’s your blog so literally do whatever you want. thank you for considering this change ily <33

asdjfkhs anything for you, lauren!!! 😘😘😘