09022016: Truth surfaced and it did hurt.
Truth hurts no matter how prepared you are and this holds true for me. It was a truth that I always wanted to know and thot I was prepared but when I came face to face with it, it still hurt. Just when I saw the truth, a tweet came 'if you really want to know the answer... you will' from @pen_named'. God speaks, that's all I can say. Cos I did want the truth but maybe I wasn't prepared, no matter how prepared I was. I took 3 years to live with a massive amount of uncertainty and come to a decision. Another 1 over year to accept and start living my life.. and truth have to surface now. What a joke my life have been. Now I got to restart all over again, for real. 妹妹told me that it's over and whatever the reason is, it's no longer valid. No longer valid. While I took 3 years to ponder what went wrong, you took that time to build another. My intuition told me that you were with someone else all this while but I consciously chose to trust that you won't do that to me but I was obviously wrong. If you have told me you wanted out then I won't have wasted so much time. Best, you went telling people that I derailed that's why we parted.. 我曾经以为这世上有一生一世, 原来一生一世就像ZS说的'I hope there is such a thing'... Becos of you, I missed out on a person who I had wanted to be with badly. He walked me thru this wreck when I almost gave up on myself, treated me much better than you did, and taught me that I am still worthy of love. I had wanted to be with him very badly but i didn't want to get him in this fix. If he ever sees this, God, do let him know that I really still want very badly to be with him now. Yes, I am angry. I am upset. I am disappointed with myself. I am angry with why I allowed myself to go thru all this. I am angry with myself for letting someone I wanted badly go. Why did I let you rob me of my happiness! I no longer function properly. I don't eat cos hunger was no longer a pain. I don't sleep without medication. My body breaks down whenever it wants to and I got no control over it. Every day, I put on a brave front while battling with everything that is crumbling inside. I fake as much as I can just so that nobody can see what's beyond the glassy eyes and empty laughter. The one who sees thru all these is probably Mr Bear Hug and he can't do much for me. I pray that God's plan to put me back again on a trip to where i was in Oct2015, where I found my first drop of rain and the amazing power of stopping - the same place where I will find myself and stand on my own again. . All I can do now is to pray for strength to carry on. Pray that either I get over it or that no one can tell what I am going thru until I get up by myself. Maybe it will be tomorrow when the sun rises or maybe only God has the answer. #sometimeswejusthavetoletthingsgo #truthhurtsnomatterwhat #可能这世上真的没有一生一世 #我曾经傻傻以为我们会一直走下去