10.25.2018
CD 72.... -_-
I’ve been up and down emotionally the last week. I spent some time with my best friend and her new baby and I was fine at the time but the next day I was just sad.
Sad that I wasn’t pregnant. Sad I didn’t have a baby. Sad it wasn’t me. Sad that I’ve been struggling. Sad that I keep failing.
I spent most of Sunday in bed. I think I finally got up and out around 4pm. Sleeping is usually my coping mechanism when I don’t want to deal with my feelings.
Then today I found out one of my coworkers is pregnant. We were all having lunch and some of the other people were asking her how she was feeling and how far she was now. It seemed that I was the only one who didn’t know she was pregnant. It really caught me off guard. It made me really sad. And that caught me off guard too. I was a bit surprised by my reaction to it. I think I partially took it this way because I was the only one who didn’t know. But man did it make me sad. This is the first time where hearing someone was pregnant has upset me.
I’m probably due for a good emotional breakdown. I’ve been off birth control since November 2017 and TTC since January 2018. I never thought it would take this long.
Well I have an acupuncture appointment for next week. Maybe that will do something.
