#turning 40

[autiebiographical]

On Thursday May 7th I'm turning 40!!! I'm honestly excited! I haven't hit the same milestones as other people, but I'm still proud of where I am! I decide what a success is. I decide what is a life well lived. Screw societal expectations! I'm succeeding because I say I am!!!

[mypastnow]

[numbersandgrace]

Reflections on My Life through Fiyeraba

Lately I have been feeling very reflective. And just thinking about everything. Thinking about my life. Thinking about the characters in the Wicked Movies. And how the two things intertwine. Which is really strange to write. I always saw movies/music/media as pure entertainment. It wasn't until I saw Wicked for Good that I was able to pull so many life lessons from it along with so many parallels to my own life that has really shaken up my world.

Everyday I come across video clips, pictures, or just random conversations on the internet about Elphaba and Fiyero's relationship. It is something we have not seen in film in a long time or maybe ever.

Here we are 2 months after the movie was released in theatre's and people are still talking about it and making videos and all the things.

And here I am still thinking about them on a daily basis. I think about how much I was treated like Elphie when I was growing up. How I never had any romantic love in my life until my late 20s. I didn't think I would ever find love and often didn't even think about as it wasn't even on my radar. I also had very few friends. *sigh* it just makes me sad for her and all the Elphie's in the world like me and many others.

When Fiyero tells Elphie she is beautiful and she thinks he is lying that is just so relatable. Even though we are all yelling at the screen like girl he left his wedding to go with you obviously he loves you and isn't lying.

There are many times people including my husband tell me I am beautiful and I do not believe them at all. Especially b/c many times my hair is a mess, I am wearing lounge clothes, and I do not feel beautiful at all. But like Fiyero others are looking at us a different way. Not the way we see ourselves but the way they do.

We all deserve to be with someone that looks at us with love. That makes us smile and makes us the happiest we have ever been. Life is too short to be sad and miserable all the time.

Elphie is on cloud 9 in this picture. She doesn't care about anything or anyone else other than Fiyero. Heck she is not even really listening to a word he is saying. 🥰🫠😍

Everyone deserves someone that will pursue them and grab them by the waist to be closer to them and dance with you even if there is no music playing. And to giggle with you after you kiss for the first time like it was the best part of your day.

I turn 40 next month and I have been dreading it since last year. I always thought by now my life would just look so different. I'd be way more advanced in my career, have a big family, and a house that I love. But sadly a lot of those things haven't come true for me. And as I approach 40 I realize that half of my life is behind me and I have only 40 or so more years left on this earth (god willing).

If anything over the last 2 months I have done a lot of soul searching and just thinking about where my life is and where it is going and what I want it to look like. I want to be happy in my life and not sad and miserable all the time just going through the motions to get to the next day. I want my life to have purpose and meaning and fun. I have a lot of big decisions to make over the next few months and praying Fiyeraba can be my guide and I can get through it.

And if you are still reading this thank you for reading. When I started writing this I had no idea what was going to come out. I may not know who you are but I'm glad to have this corner of the internet to be able to release my thoughts into the world and I hope I can help someone else along the way.

[raewritesfiction]

Holy crap; I am turning 40 on Wednesday!! 40!!!!!!

If you would like to tip me my PayPal is here.

[remembertheplunge]

The Present Defining and Honoring the Past: 8/5/1995

So, how do I feel just now about this crazed life? It loosens. It undulates. It flexes and foils. I like it. 40. It has a sweet savor. A ring to it. SAO runs in terror yelling “Oh my God, I’m 30!” Ha! What a laugh. Best thing that could happen to him, the 20s being as strict and as brittle as they are. The 30’s were a time of pushing out barriers and of pressing issues. The blind msn finds his seeing eye dog and touches his walls and finds his way. By 40, he smiles as he runs like crazy on his treadmill. He finds glee. The blind can run!

What were the 30s? Why do I feel an anger that I didn’t get a chance to feel them just before they left?

Well, let’s dedicate what’s left of 40 to examine the 30s. Get all of the 30’s journals together. And the books read and noted in, the videos viewed, the CDs, tapes and records purchased. A study of June 20, 1985 to June 20, 1995. The 10 years.

The present defining and honoring the past.

End of this part of the entry

Note 11/30/2025

I had been 40 years old less than 2 months when I wrote the above entry in my July 1995 journal. I was trying to get a feel for what 40 was about by studying my 30s. I don’t think I ever did that monumental task of gathering together books, journals, videos etc from my 30s. Burt, what a sweet idea. I’ve discovered  doing my journal reviews in the past few years for my blog, that the process has given me my life back. When you study your life, it reveals its grandeur... 

[enby-xb-nomad]

I decided that my birthday present to myself was going to be to do something I've always wanted to be able to do and Entertain Guests Like a Grown-Up™. So I invited a bunch of friends to come over this afternoon and I am making a bunch of food with my own hands to serve to them. Like a grown-up.

...granted, we will be eating the food buffet-style off of disposable plates whilst sitting around on couches and living room chairs. We're not FANCY here or anything.

Still, it feels like an appropriate way to mark the eve of my 40th.

[thebonesofhoudini]

The thing that's cool about being older is that you can't insult me. I've been your age. You've never been mine. Humble yourself.

[squirrellypoo]

30 is just the beginning

I've recently seen a few people lamenting turning 30. I guess it hits differently when you're told at 29 that you're unlikely to live to see 31, but gazing back at that time from where I sit in my mid-40s I'm struck by the sheer amount of shit I've accomplished since 30. I'm sure conquering death had something to do with lighting a fire under my ass, but seriously, you can achieve SO much more than you ever thought possible.

I started compiling this list for myself and I'm choosing to share it now, not as a "look what I've done!" bragging exercise, but as a way to remind myself that I'm capable of doing epic shit.

And that we are ALL capable of change, growth, and adventure no matter what our age. Your thirties don't have to be about settling down or settling for.

In my 20s, I:

Studied abroad

Eurorailed around Europe for 6 weeks

Survived meningitis (the first time)

Graduated with an Hon BSc

Moved to a different country

Met my bestie

Started my dream job

Started running

Started sewing

Was on the front page of the New York Times

Had my first boyfriends (got dumped by one checking himself into a mental hospital in another country)

Got paid to work backstage at Glastonbury several times

Went to literally thousands of gigs

Met/interviewed Trent Reznor

Met my future husband

Bought a home

Got a cat

Lost 50+ pounds

Started a pension

Became seriously ill and was told I had months to live unless I underwent a risky procedure

Froze embryos

In my 30s, I:

Was saved from certain death by medical science (chemo ain't so bad)

Grew a new blood type

Survived meningitis, shingles, swine flu, and a constant stream of flu

Had all my childhood vaccinations… again.

Married my husband

Appeared on a BBC cooking show

Joined a running crew

Started my own business

Worked behind-the-scenes on a popular tv show

Had laser eye surgery

Wrote my first book

Ran my first half marathon (& then countless others)

Ran my first marathon (& then 7 more including 3 Boston Qualifiers)

Ran an accidental ultra in Transylvania

Had my face on a billboard and in a bunch of banks

Became undefeated GB & world champion on the track (multiple times - 16 golds for GB)

Cycled my first century (& then 2 more)

Started a pension

Started therapy

Started regular meditation

In my 40s, I:

Finished a 15 year home renovation

Shielded (couldn’t leave home) for 14 months in the pandemic

Having the best sex of my life

Broke 2 more world records and retained my world champion status on the track

Mourned a father & grandfather

Started swimming lessons for the first time since childhood

Received my first ever bonus check

Completed my first multisport race

…7 more years to go??

Frankly, I can't wait to see what my 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s have in store if my first 40-odd years have been so endlessly interesting. Happy birthday.

(Each of these is absolutely true, btw, and I'm happy to clarify/expand on these if you want to ask in the comments or using the Ask Me on my page)