🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA/OEA, CSA, ACSA, sexual themes, references to EEGs.
TL;DR We’re looking for a way to build healthy relationships with alters who have no base of safe-enough. We think subspace, sexually and not, will help.
We went to a presentation about altered states in BDSM, and they pulled up an EEG of the drop into subspace. This specific one was of a person suspended by piercings, showing the brain activity going up for rigging and suspension, and then dropping from tall yellow to short red as they slipped into the fuzzy subby state.
The presenters talked about a spike a while after the change, and that for this person it was a moment of processing. They had been using their subspace to grieve, and that was the moment they ran a list of important people they’d lost.
We got to talk to the researchers when they finished presenting, and we asked about altered states in people with already atypical states (age regression, developmental delays, systems).
BDSM in Healing
The author of one of the only recovery books about OEA talks about why their CDD clients shouldn’t participate in BDSM, and we’ve taken issue with that for a while. Similar to how autistic people do well with proper BDSM, traumatized systems also benefit from learning negotiation and safer sexual practices.
We’ve spoken to our therapist about the grey areas where it might be better to stay away (if a system has poor communication, if system members will take on sex or pain as a job, if there isn’t control over switching during scenes), and we agreed that there was no one-size-fits-all for approaching sexuality.
Most systems have an absolute boundary of no sexual interaction for littlies. In the book, there were two contrary opinions about that. One was that any sexual encounter resembling what the young ones survived was bad, because there was no way to prevent leakage from whoever was doing it. That was the author, Alison Miller’s.
The other was that sexual NPCs had allowed the young ones to meet their sexual needs from trauma, and the children could then continue their age-appropriate development. That was a survivor story, and they created the NPCs to give safe-enough touch that eventually led into safe touch (with no sexual component).
And I still come at it from a harm reduction standpoint; letting inside kids participate in sexual activities shouldn’t be the first step, or the second or the third, but there’s only so many angles some systems can try before that’s the best option.
After this point, orange paragraphs are details of abuse.
Harm Reduction
Our left sidesystem doesn’t have many obvious littlies. The group we came from didn’t find value in children outside of exploitation, and we were assigned adult identities. It takes several layers of peeling to find the childlike states in most of us, so we didn’t have as much fear of accidentally getting a child in front for sex stuff.
The Left still has programming, but ours is more focused on external presentation (amnesia, silence, reporting), and the traumatized insiders are hidden away.
The right side, however, is child-heavy. They also appear to be adults, but they know their actual ages are younger. The right is where our ‘good’ alters were placed, and that refers to the trafficked and ritually abused kids. The ones who respond to cues, who fit perfectly into the role the perps wanted.
Some of the young ones on the right are the sexualized pets, dancers, royalty. Also worth noting are the clumps of shattered fragments; the organs, the rotting body parts, the broken dolls. The majority of the Horrors (tm) happened to people on this side, and they’re all so heavily programmed that they continue responding when called.
Cues and Triggers
The ‘perfect’ ones, who weren’t shattered, show up at front for themes of bestiality, CSEM, and torturous sex. Since building trust, we’ve discovered who comes out for what (there’s a curtain of mist or smoke when people are hiding). We don’t try to expose them to any of those things, but there are situations that draw them out by similarity.
One of the most shameful events we’ve made front-accessible is when our family brought home the dog they have now. We were maybe 12 when it happened, in our bedroom, and we have the memory because a left-side alter wasn’t fully kicked from front. The dog was a puppy, he jumped on everything before he learned better. He was big enough for our size, and he hit a pressure point that cued out a younger alter. They got into position, expecting there to be adults with cameras to guide the encounter.
We were fully clothed for that, nobody else in the room, and the puppy wasn’t trained to do anything about it. The littlie was confused, the puppy was confused, the left alter was confused, and that was it. The puppy was immediately distracted by a noise outside, so we opened the bedroom door and he took off.
This happens with the littlies we can’t talk to unless they’re in the fronting realm, and who can only stay in the fronting realm while they have an active trigger. We have interventions, but those are focused on the safety of the ones we find. We don’t have a reliable means of encouraging alters to remain safe and work on their behaviors.
We’ve gotten better at having notecards and alarms that redirect them to notebooks and apps, and we have them learn how to summon a few creature alters to talk. More and more of the people on the right are working with us, talking to others and banding together.
Before BDSM
Once they start deprogramming, we look for the structures and controls that prevent them from moving around. After that, we bring them to a safe subrealm of wherever they were, have them decide what changes they want (while the older ones look into what changes they need), and rebuild their area. Sometimes we have to move them elsewhere because of environmental risks or other alters trying to reprogram in their area.
Movement is the easiest for us because we don’t have many low-level alters who care to stay as they were. Once we demonstrate safe communication, they pick it up on their own time.
It comes back to sexuality and trauma. We don’t make anyone do trauma work before they want to (or aren’t resistant to the idea), and that leaves some of us with programmed urges. There are rules specific to every area, which is why some of them are still actively violent, and try to herd people into healthier mindsets for every iteration.
It’s hard. We’ve tried forcing people into therapy (which went badly with every plan we’ve implemented), having them talk with a mediator (it’s apparently subcultural), banning violence (worked temporarily until they found workarounds), and restraining people (we can do it if they allow it, otherwise Big No).
Why We’re Considering It
Some of us (not just the young ones) seek out unhealthy dynamics, or have problems we can’t solve before each person is ready. Once we start, it looks like doing system therapy for that alter’s subsystem, and sometimes for the nested subsystems — which is the same process but on a plane none of us see.
We need genuine cooperation, or at least benevolent deceit. So we’ve been thinking about what that BDSM research would do for us, internally interpersonally and with NPCs. It would be the most developmentally appropriate alters first, seeing how altered states bode with our subsystem switching (I don’t think we can accidentally summon the littlies to internal places), maybe trying to use the university’s EEG equipment.
Then, if that goes well, trying the NPCs with safe-enough versions of what the older ones were doing (aiming to avoid sexual exposure beyond the environmental cues they already know).
There’s so many of us. Probably all of us have young self-states, and there are at least a few hundred actual littlies. The idea is to get the altered state that helps processing, led by another insider (or NPC). It’s harm reduction compared to how they are when we find them and how they remain before heavy healing. This might be a road to recovery without the same pits of previous diversions. Then we can get to the phase of actually educating them and showing them choices in states where they really get to choose.
Thinking feels like catching eels, so I’m gonna end this here. Point is, subspace sounds cool and we want to try it sexually for adults and nonsexually for children. We’ve had progress with pseudo-sexual methods with sexual alters before. Wish us luck.
I feel like that “my my is a drunk, my mom is in a cult” song but instead it’s like-
“My mom is a drunk” my mom is low-key neglectful “My dad is dead” my dad killed himself in front of me when I was 2 “My grandma never visits” my grandma is a pedo
NOW WE’RE STUCK AT THIS SUNDAY BRUNCH
“My house is a mess” my house burned to the ground when I was 2 “My car broke down” I’m not allowed to have a car “My stuff is all in storage” what stuff?
NOW WE’RE STUCK… AT THIS SUNDAY BRUNCHHHH
“My dog has fleas” I’m a ACSA survivor… “My cat ran away” yeahhhh… “My goldfish is depressed” oh here’s how to take care of goldfish you just gotta-
AND NOW WE’RE STUCK AT THIS SUNDAY BRUNCH
And just add a bunch of “My brother [blank]” my brothers are all rapists “My sister [blank]” my sister is a rapist “My crush [blank]” my crush sexually assaulted me “A family friend [blank]” a family friend made explicit CSAM of me
I'm also sorry to all the animals that have been crushed, shot and cut by that man. I didn't understand. I didn't ask him to. But I still feel like it's my fucking fault..so now I apologize. I apologize to all the animals he violates and kills. Because he I know damn well that he never would....
