seen from China
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
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some sort of parallel to be drawn between david letting the people beat him up because he thought he deserved it and henrik cutting himself with the glass after smashing up his computer screen in distress when he read an article about fredrik. idk.
♡ : Does your muse have any birthmarks or scars they get embarrassed about others seeing? (( I'M LATE FOR SINDAY SORRY ))
Behind Locked Doors || @energeticathlete || MEME || Accepting
♡ : Does your muse have any birthmarks or scars they get embarrassed about others seeing?
“Don’t… Don’t fuckin spill this shit to no one.. got it?”
“I… well..”“I’m covered in scars.. that’s kinda obvious.. Some from my shit foster dad..”“Like the one on my nose.. and cheek.. and… back.”
“But.. i guess the ones i hate the most.. are the ones i put there myself.”“That and.. my freckles. I’ve got em all over my shoulders..”“Used to get picked on a lot for em..”
“But yeah.. I’m covered in scars.”“I hate when people try n’ trace em.. or kiss em.”
“Unless. it’s someone … important to me.”
🙊 for best boi Momo, grumpy boi Atsuko, Tar daddy and Data
Momo had a stutter at one point, it would go away when he sang, but when he talks he has to think carefully about his words. Thats why his quirk will have periods of ellipses in them.
Atsuko has a deep rooted hatred for himself, when it gets bad enough he'll crawl to Skrill seeing as she's the only one that can hurt him properly or enough for him to be satisfied.
Adonis' first mate was a short lived empress of the pexies line. They had two children, one of them, fior who is out in space- the other never hatched, he keeps the egg in stasis. He's too afraid to let it hatch, thinking it will resemble his first mate too much for him to deal with it properly.
Theres two different VIP sections in Data's club. One is an actual vip section, the other leads to that trolls doom- whether it's physical, social or mental.
Finally listening to the new Annika Norlin album and fuuucking hell. “The Woods” is one of the most Henrik songs she’s written, and she’s written so many songs that remind me of him that I’ve joked before about how 90% of my Henrik playlist is just Annika Norlin.
But I just--
“In the late hour of the August night, I go to the woods I run deep down into the caves I usually try to avoid I think about my life and everything I’ve done that was wrong I hit myself with my own hand until bleeding comes
I trip on roots, fall into trees with branches cutting my face I pound my head into rocks until I’m dizzy, and I say: I told you many times not to get ideas about yourself I told you many times not to be yourself “
WTF was that end scene? Did they intend it to be touching or powerful? I just found it cringey. Even the bit with everyone clapping in the Casualty COVID ep (yes, I’m the one person who thought the Casualty COVID ep was badly written and didn’t do the topic justice, sue me - except don’t actually sue me please I have no money lmao) was less... bizarre than that. It just felt... overdone. If we’re going to be doing a tribute to NHS staff/nurses, I think it would’ve been better to do something more subtle. I know this may come as a shock to the current Holby writers, but sometimes, more understated actually equals more powerful.
Indeed, I could extend my ‘WTF’ to that episode in general. So since I started with the ending - *cue record scratch sound* - let’s rewind.
Donna being awesome was by far the best part of the ep. I love Donna, always have, always will, and she’s so underused by the show - even though she’s now the longest-running character! So it was wonderful to see her get some spotlight tonight. And I’m glad Henrik saw sense and reinstated her.
The Josh and Jeongsoo scenes were fun. I love their dynamic. I also really liked the storyline with Jeongsoo helping the woman who was in an abusive relationship. That was the second best part of the episode. I’m glad we’ve been getting actual patient storylines again these last couple of weeks. I hope we continue to get them.
Don’t have much to say on the Dom stuff. His quest for ~revenge~ is going to bore me to sleep and it hasn’t even started yet. I did like the little moment with Henrik expressing concern about Dom - I hope this means the writers haven’t forgotten their friendship entirely.
(I still really want scenes of Dom being there for Henrik now, like Henrik was there for him after Isaac. It would be a wonderful little parallel. Sadly, it would require the writers and storyliners to actually care about characterisation and not just ~shocks~ and misery, so I doubt we’ll get it.)
Speaking of Henrik, we are now in phase 2 (i.e. the post-Sahira era) of the exploitative, racist, sensationalist CSA storyline. So far, it is no better than phase 1.
Following in Chloe’s footsteps from 2019, tonight it was Henrik who got the self-harm scenes with no trigger warning during Mental Health Awareness Week. (Oddly, Chloe’s SH scenes then were of course part of the Evan storyline, and so they were part of the build up to an exploitative, sensationalist rape storyline; Henrik’s SH scenes are part of the aftermath to an exploitative, sensationalist rape storyline. Yeah, you can really tell this is a Wallbank and Harper story, even if the scenes are technically playing out under Gleeson’s tenure. There are too many similarities to Chloe’s story.) I suppose I should just be grateful it wasn’t as graphic as last week’s episode! Sigh.
I have a feeling more recent fans (who haven’t seen older episodes) may start saying that Henrik’s behaviour is out of character. However, as someone who has seen almost every episode Henrik is in, barring his guest appearances on Casualty (and I even plan on watching those someday), I can tell you all: it’s not. This is actually one of the less terrible parts of the storyline.
Henrik threatening Josh was a shitty thing for him to do, but it is absolutely in character, so kudos to the show for getting that right at least. And as for the ‘cold looming CEO who doesn’t care about anyone’ act, it’s actually very similar to how Henrik was early on - I could definitely see early Henrik firing Donna for starting a protest. So this basically confirms the way I’ve always interpreted Henrik - that the Cold CEO act from his early days, and that we’ve seen occasionally even in recent years, is his way of making himself feel like he’s safe and in control. He really hates being seen as vulnerable, and that’s why we tend to see him lapse back into that act when he’s stressed or struggling.
As much as I hate how awful and dark and exploitative Henrik’s storyline is, I am glad they’ve moved away from writing him as a Good Victim(TM), because I really felt they were leaning into that way too much in previous weeks. He still deserves sympathy even when his trauma symptoms aren’t convenient, when he’s not suffering prettily in silence.
I don’t really know how to end this post, so I guess that’s all, folks.
Anyway, I completely missed the whole thing about Henrik self-harming in last night’s ep (I noticed him reaching into his pocket after the panic attack, but I thought he was just getting one of his infamous handkerchiefs, and I didn’t notice the blood on his shirt afterwards until @birdstreet pointed it out), but it looks like that’s going to be an ongoing thing.
Just when I thought I couldn’t get any angrier about this storyline.
First of all, I can’t wait for graphic scenes of Henrik self-harming with 0 trigger warning, à la Chloe’s storyline.
(Also, I guess this confirms, in hindsight, that Henrik did intend to hurt himself when he smashed up that computer in S19E63? If he has a history of this. Which I suspect they’ll reveal he does. I doubt it’s a new thing.)
Anyway, this is just... this is just getting way too much. Every time I think this storyline can’t get any more exploitative and horrible, it does. I want to see Henrik get actual peer support. And whatever kind of counselling he’d find most helpful. And possibly medication, if he wants it.
I don’t want months of them putting him through a horrible traumatic breakdown (and possibly another suicide attempt because I really feel like that’s coming up now) just for the sake of doing that. I know I’ve been saying for years that Henrik needs to have a proper breakdown and deal with his trauma, but... not like this. Because they’re not doing this for the sake of his character, they’re doing it just to make him more miserable.
tbh I am kind of intrigued to see how the Henrik and Josh stuff is gonna play out over the coming weeks.
because from the trailer it looks like Henrik blackmails Josh after he finds out about the self-harm, all like “don’t tell anyone I’m self-harming or I’ll ruin your career”.
and that’s like... I’m not sure how I feel about this as a story choice, but as much as it’s awful behaviour and I don’t condone it at all and I hope he loses the CEO job as soon as they find out about the blackmail, it’s 100% in character for Henrik tbh (and also something Gaskell would do... John would be proud)
and also I feel like Henrik has been written waaay too much as a Good Victim so to speak lately, like, he’s The Poor Quietly Sad Victim You Can Sympathise With and tbh I was getting sick of it because I knew the audience response of sympathy towards Henrik was very conditional. (speaking from experience: the minute your suffering is not in silence, the minute it actually affects other people, they turn on you. even literal mental health professionals do it - I know my therapist did.) so I’m glad the show is actually letting him lash out and express his upset now. gonna be interesting to see all the audience sympathy for him magically disappear because his mental illness is actually affecting other people now...
you've probably talked about this already but do you think there might be connection between Henrik's surviving CSA and his physicality as an adult (he holds himself in certain ways, quite rigidly and almost in ways that scrunch his body up to take up less space, and shies away from a lot of contact)? (I'm also thinking of the Gaskell carressing because that was. full of a lot of stuff)
As it happens, I haven’t actually talked about this already, so you’re in luck! Plus I’m really interested in discussing how Henrik being a CSA survivor affects certain aspects of how he is now so thank you for this.
I guess my answer basically boils down to... yes and no. This is one of those areas where it’s hard to disentangle what’s just Henrik’s autism, and what’s a result of the trauma from the abuse.
The rigidity - that part I’m settled on, and I think it’s just autism, tbh.
Of course, in this particular aspect I might be biased, but the rigidity in Henrik’s body language is very reminiscent not only of myself but of other autistic people I know. (Obligatory disclaimer that Not All Autistics, etc. etc. etc. Just, you know, quite a lot of us.) So I’m inclined to see it as an autism thing, rather than an abuse thing. (Indeed, I’d probably guess this is one of the traits that Henrik’s peers at boarding school ostracised him and deemed him “weird” for, leading to Henrik being isolated and lonely, leading to Reyhan deeming him an easy target...)
The way he tries to take up less space, yeah, I believe that’s a trauma thing. Henrik’s always seemed... really uncomfortable with himself - I remember another anon pointing this out a while back, even before this storyline - and IMO he seems to have some sort of feeling of disconnect with his body. Maybe I’m just imagining that, but I’ve always read Henrik as someone who probably thinks of their body as more of a vessel they have to put up with, rather than a part of themselves. I think that’s definitely related to the abuse. (In fact, it was one of the first things to make me think - several years before this storyline happened - that Holby would probably eventually reveal that Henrik was sexually abused in the past.) In my headcanons it may or may not have some connection to gender dysphoria too. But still primarily an abuse thing.
I’ve said before that I think Henrik really doesn’t like feeling noticeable. For someone who’s spent a lot of his life in management positions where he’s paid a lot of attention to - and indeed, spent most of the 2010s as the CEO of Holby - I don’t think Henrik actually likes being (or even just feeling like he is) in the spotlight. I think he likes the sense of control that management jobs give him. But I don’t think he likes the inevitable part of being paid attention to that comes along with that. (I think this is part of why he ultimately seems far more comfortable as just a consultant - a ‘cog in the machine’, as he’s put it - than he ever did as CEO.)
(There’s that scene in S19E63 where Henrik is reading an article on a news site about himself and the shooting. Some tabloid-style headline like “killer’s father back at work as son is buried”. His reaction is to literally break the computer screen, cutting his hand very badly in the process.
As far as I remember, it’s left ambiguous in the episode whether Henrik had any intent to self-harm or if he just took the article very, very badly. Either way, it is-- well, it was understandable at the time, but it makes even more sense in light of what we know now, I think.)
I’ve described Henrik before as having this deep-seated sense of shame. An intense dislike of himself. He seems to see himself as fundamentally bad just for existing. So it’s no wonder he doesn’t like feeling noticeable. It’s no wonder he tries to not take up space. I think he would gladly just... disappear, if he could.
The touch sensitivity is... hard to tell. I used to put it down to his autism, but with what we know now, I do think that there’s a genuine argument to be made for it being because of his trauma. He doesn’t like physical contact unless it’s with someone he really trusts. Previously, I read that as him finding touch to be a very intense sensory experience, and that’s why he doesn’t like being touched by people he doesn’t really know - now, I do think it makes more sense to read that as a result of the abuse.
(Or it could be a bit of both, if he was sensitive about touch before, was OK with it from Reyhan because he trusted him at the time, and then in the aftermath of the abuse he recoiled from physical contact further.)
Ah god the Gaskell caressing is so much. Henrik’s reactions to physical contact (or imagined contact, as that scene was lol) when he does get it are worthy of a whole other meta post in themselves. I might go back and rewatch some scenes to get examples, then reblog this at some point with thoughts on the topic.
