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These Words are a Lie ~A Joshifer Fanfiction~ Chapter Twenty Four

A/N: I almost don’t recognize this. I almost forgot how to format this chapter after such a long hiatus lol! Three months later, and the behemoth of twenty four is finally here. I’ve had some rocky and busy patches, which is why there was such a wait for this one. But I hope you guys will deem it worth the wait. We’re all starting to suffer Peanut deprivation here!

Big shout out to everyone who has remained patient with me though. Thank you so very much for keeping your interest high, and for offering enthusiasm even during the dry spell. I really appreciate it, as it’s what fueled me to continue! Your feedback and comments are honestly my muse.

And as usual, hat tip to @catching-dandelions for being my co-pilot with this story.

The previous chapter can be found here [x]

All chapters so far can be found here [x]

And without further adooooo….

I have made wonderful bonds all throughout my life. Making lasting impressions with coworkers. Bonding with family and friends. Chasing evasive love and capturing it. Unifying my girlfriend and I, body and soul…

But as I stare down into the unscathed purity that is Caden’s eyes, the windows that let me see myself, the beautiful solidification of Jen and I’s love, almost all fall short in comparison.

As a sparkling bridge forms between two identical gazes, I come to a realization that I never thought I would reach, something that was once present only in my wildest dreams. The bridge connects me like never before.

Because I’m a father.

I’m actually a father.

The baby staring up at Jen and I doesn’t belong to Nick or anyone else. She’s mine, she’s ours.

The thought is so profound, so hard to wrap my head around at first. Jennifer and I brought life into this world. We created her together, breathed vitality into her. She solidifies our love because she’s a piece of us, the both of us. She’s the gorgeous lock that snaps our family firmly into place. We’re both officially parents.

My heart could explode at the thought.

Jennifer has had to go through so much. She was ready to be a parent herself, sure. Regardless of who the father was, she solidified into the role of a mother, prepared to nurture a child no matter what. But the clouds of uncertainty that hung over her proved so relentless.

It was storm after storm, battering after battering. Nick was a lightning bolt, striking her repeatedly and leaving burns of pain and anguish in his wake. The media was the thunder, following after his path of destruction and deafening Jen with its roar.

But Caden is the sun, the dazzling hazel burning all the billows away.

With just the simple fact of me being her biological father, it’s over. It’s all over. Jen doesn’t have to worry anymore. I no longer have to watch her sob in agony or panic until her body convulses.

We’re free to soar in the clear skies our daughter has granted us. She’s our little blessing after months of suffering.

I could utterly break down from the amount of relief I currently feel, but all the thoughts and emotions coursing through me keep me glued into place. I remain stunned, my brain attempting to catch up with my heart and vice versa, the two flushing out any and all hints of past darkness.

Jennifer of course, is the gentle tug back into reality.

Though I’m not looking at her, my arms simply hanging limp in what used to be an embrace, I feel her move, followed by the sound of her wheelchair squeaking. And before I know, she’s up on her feet, throwing herself properly into my arms.

Her hands snake around my neck, pulling our bodies so tight that not even an atom could fit between us. Her face melds into my collar, her trembling lips pressed against my skin in a perpetual kiss. Her rejoiced cries echo in my ears, her voice carrying a happiness I’ve never heard.

And between the radiating warmth of her love, the wetness of her tears, the croaks of her sobs, and the tenderness of her embrace, I wake up.

Everything kind of hits me all at once. My heart and my brain finally unify, flooding my body to the brim with wondrous feeling. And the only way the deluge can depart, is through physical reaction.

My eyes pool with tears, my throat locks up with weeps, my smile tugs my cheeks with its girth. My trunk trembles, my hands shake, and my legs threaten to give out.

And then I’m sobbing, I’m laughing, I’m embracing my girlfriend, the mother of my child.

We mirror each other, passing the same reactions and emotions back and forth. We share the same levels of awe, of relief, of love, not having to speak to understand each other. We simply hug one another with a heightened bond, a new, untouchable, amazing bond.

I’m not sure how long we stay locked in each other’s arms. We’re oblivious to everything around us, creating a spectacle dead center in the NICU. And I guess we had to attract some type of attention eventually; who knows how long we could have carried on with our utmost celebration.

But Laurel is the one to calm it, happening to walk by and stumble upon the scene. I don’t see her, my eyes blurred with moisture and shut tightly, my face buried into the crook of Jen’s neck. But her concerned voice sounds, snagging a portion of my attention, just enough to tug me into reality even further.

“Oh!” she gasps first, obviously not expecting to see Jen and I in such a state, “Oh gosh, are you both alright?”

The presence of the nurse must have been enough to bring Jen back down as well, because she lets out a hiccupping laugh against me, followed by another river of tears down my neck and a nod of her head against my shirt. I can tell she’s trying to channel her voice, gasping and fighting against her sobs, but she’s a bit too overcome. Giving up, she simply continues to laugh, cry, and nod, and so I step up to the plate.

I channel any hint of composure I can find, sending it to offer strength to my vocal chords. Somehow, it’s enough, and my raspy voice carries out.

“You…” the words catch in my throat, and I let out a tremble of tear-soaked mirth myself. “You have no idea…”

Jen laughs a little louder, and I can feel her press a soft, wet kiss to my collar, a silent agreement.

And though she’s likely confused as hell, my words must be enough to convince Laurel. I can feel her presence to my side as she hesitates, surely wanting to inquire, but she doesn’t.

“…Alright. Well, if you need anything, feel free to snag me at any time.”

Jennifer and I both nod, dismissing her, and leaving us to our beautiful beginning.

Now down from cloud nine enough, I lean slowly back in our embrace, wanting nothing more than to capture the alleviation on my girlfriend’s face and shower her in affection. Being as synchronized as we are, Jen follows my lead.

And I’m able to stare into the heavenly elation shining out of her eyes for a single precious moment, before her mouth finds mine like a magnet.

I’ve shared many a kiss with Jennifer, some standing out particularly more than others. This one, deep in the heart of the Louisville hospital, definitely climbs to the top.

Her lips, swollen with the positivity and passion busting inside her, carry a new type of sweetness, two slices of fruit ripened from the warmest rays. Her tongue, dabbing against mine, carries an unprecedented gentleness. Her hands, shakily venturing to frame my face, bring me fully to her, bring me fully into her love.

Even though we’re both still crying and smiling, our bond doesn’t falter. The kiss continues on, complete with soft nibbles and tender caresses. I guess Jen finally catches up herself, her reaction a bit more intense than mine and taking longer to pacify.

Because she’s the first one to break the seal between our lips, just enough so a broken whisper can slip out.

“J…J-Josh?”

“Jen?”

I open my eyes to find her smiling so brightly it illuminates the entire room, adding to the depth of the already blue hue.

“Y-you…She…She’s a-actual…actually…”

Her voice comes out in fragments, whispered nonsense, drowning in both weeps and mirth. Of course, I get her meaning nevertheless.

“She’s…She’s ours…sweetheart.”

Actually hearing those words uttered aloud gets us both crying harder again, and we pepper each other with messier, smaller kisses, still unable to process it.

“J…Josh,” Jen hiccups in the pauses of our frantic mouths, “You’re…y-you’re a…d-dad…”

The term absolutely consumes my being. I let out a gasping laugh between our kisses, more tears falling in a deluge down my cheeks.

“We’re…we’re parents,” I whisper in reply.

Jen returns the laugh and then pulls me back in for a longer kiss, our mouths conforming in the perfect fit. When she releases me yet again, she utters the three words that hammer the moment into me entirely.

“I…I love you…”

“I love…you too, baby…”

“Joshy…You’re…you’re my every…thing.”

“And you’re my…world,” I solemnly murmur. I turn my gaze momentarily back to our daughter, who, despite Jen and I creating a ruckus, continues to stare at us in silent wonder. My smile widens to its utmost capacity, tears falling in their constant rate.

“Both of you…My…my girls…I love you two so much…”

“And we…love you…”

My girlfriend follows my stare, the two of us overlooking our perfect little creation. And after a few more gasps and weeps, Jen speaks up once more.

“Pe…Peanut has always loved you because…I…I think she knew…all along…”

My heart clenches tightly within my chest, and I pivot to look back at Jen.

“You…you think so?” I reply with a dazed, crooked smile.

“I…I know so…We’ve always been a…family…Caden just…wanted to prove it…”

I laugh softly, and kiss my girlfriend for the umpteenth time.

“Competitive like her mom…huh?”

“And amazing…like her dad.”

There’s that title again, that wonderful new title. I shut my eyes at its utterance, letting out a contented sigh, smiling so much that I’m surprised my cheeks don’t tear.

“I…I love you, Jen,” I say after a small pause.

“I…I love you…too, Joshy…”

And the joining of our lips feels, for the first time, like the joining of our lives as well.

xXx

I could have watched over Caden all night, smiling down at her, her mother tucked tenderly in my arms, bathing in the relaxation and happiness of our new family unit. Our period of observance got cut short however, Laurel swooping back in and interrupting with her duties. But I suppose I’ll have the rest of my life to appreciate my two favorite ladies, so getting a pause button pushed didn’t bother me a bit.

Even after having plenty of time to allow the situation to sink in, Jen and I were still glassy eyed, sniffling and giggling occasionally. If Laurel noticed, she didn’t question, respecting our privacy. She simply informed us that the NICU staff have to perform another routine check on Caden, which meant we had to head back to the room for some rest, some much needed rest.

She also told us that Caden was beginning to show signs of having a better suck-swallow reflex, explaining that she was having a better response to tube feeding. And although she still wasn’t entirely ready to feed on her own yet, Laurel then went on to deliver the miraculous news that we’d likely be able to hold her the following day, as she was stable and interacting well.

Unsurprisingly, this started up the full-fledged water works with Jen again, but I didn’t blame her. She was going to get to nestle her baby, our baby, in her arms. It was going to become absolutely real for her, for the both of us.

Laurel then decided to get Jen to pump a bit of colostrum for Caden, and we were dismissed to our suite.

We took some time to contact Jen’s family, though not giving away the big surprise, telling them to come over the following morning as we were in need of sleep. And sleep we did, because the moment Jen and I snuggled into her small hospital bed, we were quick to pass out, the emotional wear and tear exhausting for us I guess.

We slept relatively soundly through the night, minus being occasionally woken up by nurses checking in on Jen. But we took the respite with appreciation, having absolutely nothing more to worry about, and therefore being able to rest, properly, for the first time in a while.

It’s morning now, and I feel completely refreshed. Mentally, at least. My eyes hurt like hell from crying so much, swollen and crusted over beyond belief, and I’ve got the worst “post-sobbing hangover.” But I’m content, relaxed, and happy. So incredibly happy.

My dreams were filled with nothing but Caden and Jennifer. I couldn’t stop thinking about how my life is going to be with of the two of them by my side. I couldn’t stop thinking about how privileged I am to call the two of them mine. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I have a family all my own.

It’s surreal, so completely surreal. Even being conscious, I feel like I’m still trapped in my reveries.

But blinking the sleep from my eyes proves that I am, in fact, in a gorgeous reality, because I’m staring at what makes it so.

Jennifer.

My girlfriend. The love of my life. The woman who carried my baby, kept her safe, and brought her into the world.

I couldn’t respect or love her more. She’s gone through so many hardships for our relationship, for our family. I think I’ll be able to return some, helping her care for our daughter and loving them both unconditionally until death do us apart.

And finally, being able to confidently promise that everything will be okay.

I smile softly as I look at her slumbering form. Though fatigue and the leftovers of strong emotion are visible, she looks absolutely breathtaking. I didn’t believe it was possible, but I think I fall for her more and more every day, especially now.

The urge to caress her sweetly becomes unbearably strong, and I cannot help myself, reaching out to softly trail my fingers down her cheek. I pray that she’s sleeping heavily enough for the touch to go unnoticed, but to my dismay, she stirs.

I wince and hope she’ll drift back into her resting state, but instead of her settling back down, I’m granted with two sparkling sapphires.

The moment our gazes connect, she dazzles me with her smile, and I’m reassured, starting up with my gentle strokes again.

“Hey Mom…” I greet softly, leaning forward to grant her cheek a peck.

“Hey Dad,” she replies with a smile, and when a sheen overtakes her eyes, she shoves my chest with a hand, “God dammit Josh, I wasn’t expecting to cry until later.”

I laugh, and give her another sweet kiss. Having recovered from the initial shock overnight, we’re now back to our usual banter. As intense and astounding as the situation is however, the emotion lingers, but it certainly doesn’t stop the teasing.

“Sorry?” I say, grinning sheepishly.

“You should be! My eyes hurt so fuc…”

She trails off, rolls her eyes, and lets out a puff of air through her nose. I cannot help but snort with mirth.

“Nice catch. You’re getting there.”

“Thanks,” she sighs, but smiles all the same, “But yeah, my eyes really hurt.”

“Same here. I’ve kind of accepted that it’s just going to get worse today though.”

“Yeah…I can’t believe we’re going to get hold Peanut…”

“I know. I’m still pinching myself honestly. I’m pinching myself over the whole thing.”

Jen’s smile grows warmer, and her tears pool up more, the glass threatening to break and spill down her cheeks. She sniffles once to try and regain her composure, before snuggling close and burying her face into my chest.

“Quit. You’re really not helping me here,” she grumbles against me.

“Might as well let it happen now, babe,” I chuckle, “It’s kind of inevitable.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” she sighs, and a wetness seeping into my shirt soon follows.

I let out a huff of laughter, tightening my embrace on her, allowing her to cry as much as she needs. But even despite her tears, she continues to speak.

“We’ve got a little baby, Joshy…”

“Hey now,” I tease as the words trigger building tears on my end, “What’s the big idea? Giving me a taste of my own medicine?”

“You know it. I’m dragging you down with me, honey.”

We both chuckle, before sniffling and cuddling closer together. Jen presses a gentle kiss to my chest, the warmth of her lips seeping through my shirt, before she talks once again.

“I just…I feel like the more I say it out loud, the more I’ll actually believe it.”

“It is completely unreal, sweetheart. So I don’t blame you at all. We actually…we actually have a daughter.”

“We actually have a daughter,” Jen repeats, before hoisting herself upwards to catch my gaze.

We have a habit of synchronizing, so the moment her glassy eyes meet mine, there are tears of plenty, with smiles in the mix. With her mouth offered to me, I give her a warm kiss, lingering for a while.

“It feels so amazing…” I ghost against her lips, “Actually…being her dad. I mean, I was going to be in some way anyway but…Having that bond with you, that bond with her, is so…I don’t know how to else to describe it, other than perfect…”

My girlfriend lets out a soft sob, and I capture it with another quick kiss, hushing her and trying in vain not to fall victim to cries myself.

“It is perfect,” she gasps when our seal is broken, “Everything is…perfect. This is all I’ve ever…wanted in life, Josh…I don’t need my career or anything that goes with it…And-“

“-Wow, you really are set on making me cry,” I interrupt as silent tears trickle down my cheeks, and impending sobs linger in my throat.

“Shut up and let me monologue…”

I laugh quietly, which thankfully earns back some of my composure, but it’s short lived with my girlfriend’s eloquence in tow.

“Because…You need to know that this has been a dream of mine, Joshy…A dream I’d never thought I’d get to reach. I dreamed of this, dreamed of you, more than…any role I could receive or any…materialistic thing…”

She heaves a breath, and reaches up to frame my face tenderly, staring deeply into my teary eyes.

“I couldn’t imagine anyone else fathering my child…I seriously couldn’t…It tore me apart when I thought I could possibly be…pregnant with a baby that wasn’t yours…That didn’t…belong to my dream man.”

“Sweetheart…” I murmur, my heart clenching considerably, my hand following her lead and cupping her cheek.

“Which is…partly why I had so much trouble telling you about Caden for the longest time…I just couldn’t bring myself to accept anyone but you…I just couldn’t…Especially when I saw…all of the characteristics that make me love you so much…How sweet you are, how patient you are, how humorous you are, how loving you are…”

Jen gasps to gather herself, and I swallow hard against the audible cry fighting to get out.

“I couldn’t stop picturing you as her dad…And now it’s…it’s actually real and I just…It actually happened…You’re my dream turned reality…”

When Jen finds her eloquence, she really knows how to use it. A half-sob half-laugh escapes my mouth, a feeble sound, my head ducking as the tears come streaming down. Jen begins to smooth circles with her thumb, even though she’s crying just as hard.

“I love you so much, baby…”

“I love you too, Joshy…”

I hesitate for a moment, pivoting my head in her grasp to press a kiss to her palm. Then I find myself chuckling, my eyes shimmering more with mischief rather than tears as I meet my girlfriend’s gaze again.

“And uh…I copy and paste what you just said.”

Her sobs abruptly cease, her brows furrow, and her mouth falls slightly agape. I of course, can’t stop myself from laughing through my tears, and from pressing a quick peck to her parted lips. The mirth ends up being contagious, and before long we’re openly giggling and crying simultaneously.

“Way to ruin that one, Josh…” she snorts, before puffing her platypus lip out and continuing in a familiar tone, “I wanted you to say nice things about me…”

“Sorry, babe. I thought you were trying not to cry, that’s all,” I chuckle, “I could if you wanted me to. I mean, I could never run out of things to say when it comes to how much I love you. And how extraordinary it is to be a part of a new family with you.”

Her face contorts again, this time to one of surprise, her eyes widening and her mouth falling open once more.

“Josh…” she whispers in disdain, the waterworks restarting.

“You asked for it,” I laugh quietly, “If you want to hear about how mesmerizing you are, how wonderful of a mother you are, how utterly relieved I am for you, how excited I am to spend the rest of my life with my breathtaking girlfriend and our perfect daugh-“

She effectively shuts me up by slamming her lips to mine, trembling with weeps as she swallows my words. I titter through the kiss, leaning back to get a few more words out against her.

“…then I’m your guy.”

“Eh, okay,” Jen says as we break apart fully, “Maybe not right now…I guess I’d kind of like to have at least a little composure when we go back to see Caden. The nurses are probably concerned enough.”

“True,” I laugh.

My girlfriend giggles in return, before her face softens, and her tender caresses of my cheek begin again.

“Besides, you show me every day how much you love me, how much you care…I guess I really don’t need to hear it…”

“Can I say at least one thing?”

“What?”

Both of my hands travel to frame her face, and I hold her stare with the most affectionate gaze I can manage, pouring all of my feelings into a single look and phrase.

“I love you and our baby more than anything, Jennifer…”

I watch as her lip shivers, her eyes squinting and moisture pooling within them. She comes closer in my grasp, dusting her mouth against mine and inhaling as if about to say something profound in reply.

But, as usual, what she says gets me laughing all over again.

“I copy and paste what you just said.”

We meet in the countless kiss of the morning, lazily sliding, sucking, and savoring one another. This particular exchange isn’t interrupted by teasing comments or loving phrases however; a nurse walks in on the two of us, politely waiting for us to finish. When we pull away from each other and give her our attention, she offers a knowing smile and a soft apology, before asking a question that gets my heart flipping and my world turning.

“Ready for some little cuddles?”

xXx

Jen and I are quick to roll out of bed and follow the nurse down the winding halls, a cloud of excitement and anxiousness hanging in our wake. Determined to be well enough to walk again, Jen lingers by my side, held tightly against me by my arm wrapped around her waist.

We smile at each other and try our hardest to keep it together, but I’m certain our composure won’t hang around for too long.

Because the moment awaiting us is going to be too beautiful, too precious. Jen finally getting to hold Caden after a difficult pregnancy and numerous scares. Jen finally getting to properly acquaint with the little human she’s grown within her. The two of us finally getting to snuggle and interact with our daughter for the first time as a family.

It’s one more piece to add to the unreal puzzle.

I bite down on my bottom lip, worrying it between my teeth and inhaling a few shaky breaths as we continue to walk along. I have no idea why I’m nervous, but soft tremors course through my body with every step. I take my eyes off the sterile white floor to check on Jen, and she appears to be neutral, sans her ghost of a smile and glassy blue pools. But there’s no doubt in mind that she’s aflame with thoughts as well.

When we reach the NICU door for the third time, my heart responds to the emotions within, beginning to drum its excitement. I tighten my grip on Jen’s body, and I feel her look at me at me in response. I slowly pivot to stare at her, and find a gentle, silent cascade dripping down her cheeks.

My face softens, and I release her, but only for the purpose of reaching up with both hands, smoothing the tears away.

“Hey,” I murmur tenderly, before teasing her lightly, “I thought we were trying for more composure here?”

She sniffles with laughter, leaning against one of my hands and granting my skin a peck.

“Shut up, Josh…I’m just…You know…”

“I know.”

“It’s just…She’s actually healthy enough for us to hold her…And I just…”

She cuts off as a bigger deluge comes rushing down, shying away from my touch to rub the moisture away herself.

“Dammit…” she sighs with a sniffle, “I guess I shouldn’t actually say these things out loud.”

“I think that’d probably be wise,” I titter, “But I mean, hey; it could be Caden’s first introduction to rain!”

This time, Jen lets out a few rounds of her beautiful staccato laugh, continuing to wipe beneath her eyes in a vain attempt to control herself.

“Oh my God…First introduction and I cry all over Peanut…”

“She’d just be like, ‘I rushed out for this?’”

To my relief, my girlfriend’s mirth carries on, laughing and sniffling and nearly getting her tears in check.

“‘This sucks!’”

“‘I change my mind, put me back!’”

Jen’s laughter stops, but only because her face warps into a theatrical grimace, which gets me laughing instead.

“Oh God…Ha, no, sorry, Peanut; you’re definitely staying out here. Not having to pee every five seconds is kind of refreshing.”

My nose wrinkles and my eyes squint shut with the intensity of my mirth, Jen and I both laughing for a bit more. Once the nurse walks up to the door to scan us in however, we gradually fall into a hush, and Jen and I stick back together like magnets.

“Besides,” I say with a warm grin, breaking the pause, “Why be all cramped up when you can cuddle instead?”

Jen gives me a shaky smile, but when the barrier to our daughter’s world is opened, she falls victims to nerves as well. Her steps forward are hesitant, and I can feel her grip on me tighten immensely.

“Shit…” she whispers, and I can feel her starting to tremble, “I don’t know if I’m even ready for this…”

“You’re ready for this,” I reply confidently with a warm kiss to her cheek, “Holding her is going to feel like home, Jen. The second she’s in your arms, all the sweet moments you’ve shared with her, and the promise for more in the future, will just flood in. And I’ll be right there with you, baby. It’ll be our first big family moment. And it’ll be just fine.”

She nods slowly, and I watch as a few more tears slide lazily down her cheeks, contradicting the growing smile on her face.

“If anyone should feel unprepared, it’s me,” I continue with a nervous chuckle, “I mean, damn, I’m entirely new to this. This is kind of my first experience as a…dad.”

The word results in smiles around, and it’s Jen’s turn to give my cheek a loving kiss.

“Don’t even start with me, Joshy. You’re going to make the most amazing dad. It’s going to come so naturally to you, I have no doubt in my mind. And I could go on and on about how wonderfully paternal you are. So I don’t want to hear it…”

I let out a puff of laughter through my nose, giving her waist a gentle squeeze.

“Yes ma’am,” I chuckle in my most Kentucky-laden drawl, “I guess we’ll just figure this out together. I mean, that’s what parenting entails, right?”

There’s a pause, before Jen utters a single word in response.

“Together?”

“Together,” I laugh with a roll of my eyes. “I’ll support you through everything, help you through all the new challenges thrown at us.”

Her face softens and grows incredibly warm.

“And I’ll definitely do the same for you. So I guess we’ll call it even and say we’re both ready for this, then?”

“Yeah,” I reply with a grin, “I love you, Jen.”

“I love you too.”

We stop walking to give each other a gentle kiss, and just as our lips part, Laurel walks up with a cheerful smile.

“Good morning, you two! How are you both feeling?”

“Excited,” Jen and I both reply simultaneously, causing all three of us to burst out laughing.

“Well that’s great to hear, because I think someone else is excited too.”

My heart flutters at hummingbird wing speed as Laurel beckons us with a hand, and I feel Jen’s fingers brush against mine for reassurance as we walk deeper into the NICU. I comply with her request, threading our hands together and giving her a comforting squeeze, trailing behind our nurse.

“How’s she doing?” Jen asks.

“Just fine, just fine. Still working on that swallow reflex, but at her current maturity, it might take a few days or so for the reflex to set in. That being said, we’re probably going to have you pump some milk to feed to her.”

I can feel Jen deflate in disappointment, and Laurel must deal with similar reactions all the time, because she’s quick to continue.

“Again, I know it’s not what you had in mind. But rest assured, you’ll get to feed her properly soon, momma. She’s just in need of those nutrients while she’s still getting the hang of things here. And if it makes you feel better, she’s definitely a quick little learner.”

That seems to perk Jen back up a bit, and giving her a quick glance, I see that her smile has found its place again. And as Laurel continues, I’m intrigued to feel a warm, new emotion flowing through my veins, one that was likely masked earlier; pride. Because we’re hearing about how well our daughter is doing, how well the baby we made is doing.

“And she’s such a cute pumpkin too. Very lively and responsive for a preemie. None of us can resist such a sweet little face.”

I hear Jen let out a sniffle, and there’s a simultaneous clench to my heart. When blue interlocks with hazel once again, we give each other tearful smiles, and gentle hand squeezes.

“So overall, she’s healthy and active,” Laurel continues ahead of us, “She just needs a little more time playing catchup, which is to be expected. Just a few more small helping hands.”

We walk into a more secluded area of the NICU, one which we hadn’t entered previously. It’s almost like a separate suite entirely, hidden away from the main area with all the other infants. And up ahead, I can see a station with a few nurses hovering about, complete with a chair to the side. Just as I begin to process what I’m seeing, Laurel hits the nail in, carrying on with her explanation.

“And this is definitely one of them. We’re going to be doing something known as Kangaroo Care with your daughter, alright?”

I feel Jen squeeze my hand, and I catch her beam to offer one in return. Each and every time I’m mentioned as Caden’s father, or Jen and I are mentioned as her parents, it makes the situation a bit more real for me, makes it sink in a little more.

We both nod our confirmation to Laurel, and she smiles before she speaks some more.

“Basically, it’s skin to skin contact. It’s very comforting for both the parents and the baby, so it’s a common practice. And we figured you’ve both been dying to hold her.”

“God, you don’t even know…” Jen sighs, causing the nurse and I to chuckle.

“Yeah, we thought as much!” Laurel laughs, and we all begin to slow down, coming to a halt near the station, “So here’s what’s going to happen. Whoever wants to hold her first will sit in this chair here, and remove any shirts or top articles of clothing. And once you’re situated, I’ll carefully place your daughter up against your chest, with her head resting on your shoulder. And you’ll be able to hold her for as long as you want, or at least until we have to perform another checkup. Alright?”

Jen and I voice our confirmation once more, and with our final okay, the other nurses part from the station, clouds parting to reveal a shining sun. Because there, poised atop a small lined table, is our daughter. Our beautiful, precious daughter.

Seeing her once again, and knowing that she’s a part of me, that she’s a mixture of the beautiful woman beside me and I, gets tears seeping into my eyes instantaneously. I don’t know when I’ll be able to stop looking at her without crying, but certainly not now. I have to bite down on my inner cheek, and focus on smoothing reassuring circles with my thumb against Jen’s hand in order to keep myself in check.

But of course, Jen is crying too, the situation still too unbelievable to handle. Thankfully, before we set off a chain reaction between the two of us and fall victim to sobs, Laurel steps in to our rescue.

“Okay. So who will be holding her first?”

Jen pivots to catch my eye, looking to inquire. But hell, is there even an option?

“You can, sweetheart,” I say. When her brow furrows slightly, when it looks like she’s about to argue, I’m quick to add, “You’ve been through way more with her. I got the easy part of the job. I didn’t have to carry her, or…what did you say earlier…pee every five seconds?”

She lets out a huff of laughter, before looking at me with a soft expression.

“But…Don’t you want to meet your daughter, Joshy? I’m definitely sure she wants to meet you. She’d make it known whenever you were around me during my pregnancy. Talk about peeing every five seconds, God…”

My turn to laugh. Still, I hold to my argument, reaching up to tenderly frame Jen’s face, stroking her cheeks as affectionately as I can manage.

“I’ll have plenty of time to meet her. I have the rest of my life to get to know her. We both do. But you deserve this one, babe. For everything you’ve been through, you really do.”

My words must have been just enough to shatter the glass, a few trickles of moisture running down my girlfriend’s cheeks. Still, she smiles warmly at me, the tears adding to the beautiful glimmer of her eyes.

“Josh, learning that she was healthy…and that you were her dad…honestly erased everything I had to go through. I haven’t felt calm and happy like this in…months. I’m like, perfectly at ease, and it feels so weird. So I feel like I don’t deserve anything more, like I’ve gotten everything I could ever ask for.”

When I raise my eyebrows slightly at her, silently insisting, she lets out a quiet sigh.

“…But I mean, if you’re really not going to back down…”

“I’m really not,” I laugh softly.

She lets out a bit of a harsher exhale, before the temptation to snuggle with Caden must grow too great. With a look over towards our small, squirming bundle, she finally gives in.

“Okay…I’ll hold her first…”

Laurel, who had been standing off to the side to give us our privacy, comes swooping back in, a warm beam stretched across her face.

“Alright! Go ahead and unfasten your gown, make yourself comfortable in the chair, and your arms will be filled with baby in just a second here.”

I hear Jen’s shaky inhalation, and I cannot help but grin, a little too overjoyed for her. She gropes blindly behind her back, struggling to untie herself, and I step in to assist, loosening her scratchy garb and allowing it to open in the front. Her skin pebbles in the cool hospital air, everything exposed sans for the panties covering her privates and the gown hanging against her back. Never really being one to worry about modesty, she doesn’t wince or shy away at the prospect, making her way over to the chair without a fuss.

That is, until I look her up and down and give her a quick wink, earning a teary smirk in return.

But all the joking in the room is short lived. Everything comes to a grinding halt once more. All the other activities going on around me become irrelevant. The world greys out, and leaves just a single window of light behind, Jennifer and Caden glowing in the illumination.

I watch awestricken, as Laurel gingerly lifts Caden up, mindful of all the wires and tubes still attached to her, and carries her the short distance to her mother’s arms, the one place of true, blissful comfort.

Then, like a dream, I’m looking over my girlfriend holding our child for the first time.

Just like everything else during this crazy, pristine journey, it takes a second for it to hit me. And when the emotions hit, they certainly hit hard. A fog of moisture seeps over my vision as a result, but my family is quick to burn it away, a loving warmth emitting off of Jennifer as she takes it all in as well.

I watch as Laurel helps situate Caden properly, nestling her tiny body against Jen’s chest and laying her head against Jen’s shoulder, just as she instructed before. She then helps position my girlfriend’s trembling hands to hold our daughter just right, so that they’re snuggled skin to skin. And after putting the final touch of draping Jen’s open gown over Caden as a blanket of sorts, she leaves us to the rest.

“That should be everything,” Laurel murmurs softly, “Feel free to caress her, talk to her, or interact with her now as you like. Just be mindful of her equipment, and remember that if it seems like she’s overwhelmed, ease up on her. But she seems very happy to be in mom’s arms now, so everything should be just fine.”

“Thank you…” I somehow manage to whisper as the nurse gives us our space.

But Jen remains locked in, completely focused on the unscathed human she’s clutching to her chest.

I know she’s been picturing this moment forever. When pregnancy was just a figment of her imagination, I know she thought about holding her baby for the first time. When she actually was expecting, I know she pictured her arms offering the perfect shelter for the perfect little girl.

And now it’s actually happening. Dreams are being granted left and right.

I don’t dare say anything to step in the moment, simply watching in silence, each tear a drop of love and reverence. Jennifer is shaking all over, her limbs tremoring, her hands shivering, her bottom lip quivering…But the hold she has on Caden remains warm, strong, and gentle.

The ocean within her eyes is shimmering with light, a dazzling smile stretching across her face to match. Slowly, perhaps reflexively, her hand begins to softly rub. Not on her own stomach this time though, but upon our daughter’s back, smoothing gentle caresses against the fabric.

I’m used to vocal stimulation being the thing to rouse a reaction from Caden. But in a pattern of firsts, she offers us something new, something that breaks us down to the purest form of love.

She makes a noise. Maybe she’s confused in the new environment, or the events are a bit much for her to take in. Or maybe it’s her way of saying hello back to her mother.

Either way, she releases the softest, sweetest little whimper, squirming against Jen’s chest.

And while it gets the tears billowing up for me, it gets Jen melting into the warmest maternal state. Something kicks back on for her, her instincts overriding the shock, and her gorgeous voice finally sounds again.

“Hey…” she coos quietly,” Hey hey hey…Shhh…Shhhh, I’m right here…I’m right here, Peanut…Mommy’s got you…”

Damn, it’s going to be difficult to not completely lose it. I have to reach up with a hand and cup my jaw, idly rubbing a hand across my skin and clinging to my composure, and perhaps preventing the smile from splitting my face.

Caden lets out another quiet whimper, her face slightly scrunched against her cannula, her limbs wriggling against Jen’s body.

“Oh I know, honey…” Jen soothes, continuing to caress and speak in the gentlest of tones, “I know…This is scary for you, isn’t it? But you don’t have anything to be scared about…I’m right here…”

Surprisingly, she tears her gaze away from our daughter, blue intertwining with hazel in a tender meddle. Somehow, our smiles grow bigger as we hold each other’s gazes.

“Daddy and I are right here…” she continues, and we both can’t stop the tears from flowing at her words, “We’re here for you…We’re not going to let anything happen to you…We love you so much, Caden…”

Just like that, the soothing takes its effect. The familiar comfort of her mother’s voice and the new tenderness of her mother’s touch wraps Caden up in a warm blanket, hoisting her away from the loud, strange world she’s been brought into.

I watch as every ounce of tension saps from her body, her face relaxing and her limbs resting comfortably against Jen. And as Jen carries on with her gentle shushes and caresses, Caden snuggles closer, nuzzling into the one thing she knows means security and love.

Sharing our feelings and being as synchronized as we are, Jen and I both let out gasping, tearful laughs at the sight.

“There we go…There we go, beautiful girl…” Jen whispers, bringing a gentle hand to cup Caden’s head, holding her close, “Oh my God, you’re so beautiful…I can’t get over how…perfect you are…”

She looks up at me once more, and I catch a certain sparkle in her eye.

“…Must get it from your dad.”

“Hey now,” I laugh quietly through my tears, “I come short in comparison to the two beautiful ladies in front of me.”

Jen returns the giggle, before her face softens, and she cuddles closer to our daughter, nuzzling her cheek gently atop Caden’s soft, downy hair. Caden must be entirely comfortable now, because she doesn’t squirm, nor does she offer any sign of distress. She simply remains cuddled up close to her mother, resting after a stressful first day in the NICU, and acquainting in a new, pure way.

And there the three of us remain, for minutes, hours; who can say. We’re too wrapped up in appreciating the unscathed little human we’ve brought into existence, too wrapped up in one of our first big milestones as a family. It’s definitely a reverent moment, because Jen and I stay quiet, unusual for us, simply gazing in wonder and looking our baby over.

The mood grows so calm, so serene, that I’m pretty sure Caden falls asleep, perfectly motionless sans for the rhythmic, reassuring movements as she breathes. I titter softly at the thought, and wanting to catch a glimpse of her adorable, slumbering face, I move quietly around to Jen’s side.

My girlfriend seems to have dozed off herself, her head leaned back against the top of the chair, her eyes shut softly away from view. But I guess she’s not as knocked out as I thought, because moving closer to her is enough to rouse her.

The second our stares lock, she gives me a warm smile, one that I return without hesitation.

“Jos-“

“-Don’t move too much,” I whisper, cutting her off, “I think we knocked our little trooper out.”

Jen lets out a single huff of laughter, containing herself and not shaking with mirth.

“Really? I can’t…see her face from how she’s positioned right now.”

“Think so. I mean, that’s why I came over here,” I murmur, before stepping close to get a good look.

My assumptions prove to be true, because our daughter is definitely snoozing. Her little face is smooshed up against her tubes and her mother’s skin, but she doesn’t really seem to mind. The gaze so similar to mine is hidden away from view, and her tiny mouth is agape, occasionally twitching as she dreams.

She looks so healthy, so normal, that I almost forget how we’re in the NICU, and am granted with a wave of serenity as I smile down at her. Though Jen can’t experience the same sight, she beams at me as I observe, being able to read my emotions with just a single look.

“Yup. I’d call that pretty knocked out,” I chuckle quietly, “She looks like you after you’ve downed an entire pizza.”

“Or how you look after those midnight McDonald runs?”

“…Yeah, pretty much,” I laugh, “Touché.”

“Thank you, thank you,” Jen giggles back, “I don’t blame her though; she’s had a rough day.”

“Yeah, I think I’d be pretty conked out after getting kicked out of my house and having nurses constantly work on me too.”

“How cute is she right now, Josh?”

“Incredibly. She’s making me want to kiss those round little Lawrence cheeks of hers.”

“Hey, you leave our cheeks alone,” Jen laughs, “Or would you rather me tease you both for those Hutcherson freckles?”

“Fair enough,” I chuckle.

There’s a moment of us giggling quietly, and then I watch as Jen’s face softens, shifting to an expression of contemplation.

“Josh though…You could if you wanted to.”

“How do you mean?”

“Do you want to hold her, honey?”

I practically sputter at the question, my eyes widening at the thought.

“H-hold her?” I repeat, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, dad,” Jen titters again, “Hold her. It’s your turn to meet her and cuddle with her, Joshy.”

“But-“

“-Don’t argue with me on this. I don’t want to hear about how much you don’t deserve it, because you do. You helped me through the last portion of my pregnancy more than you know. You’ve already played such a huge role in her life. And you’re her dad, Josh.”

I let out a shaky breath, the words dying in the back of my throat. I look down at our daughter once more, feeling slight trembles coursing through my body. Jen must notice, because her face softens even more, a gentle smile playing her features.

“Or are you just nervous?” she asks tenderly.

“I mean…A little…But that’s to be expected I guess.”

“So do you want to?”

I inhale deeply, before a crooked smile stretches across my face, my heart beginning to thunder so much I fear it’ll wake Caden.

“…Yeah. Yeah, I’ll hold her.”

We both flag down Laurel, who was in the area, ready to jump in if we had any questions or concerns. Just like she did for Jen, she instructs me to unbutton my shirt, and tells me she’ll take it from there. She gingerly picks Caden up off of Jen, holding her and allowing Jen and I to switch places. She must be really exhausted, because even as she’s transferred on to my chest, she doesn’t rouse at all, simply moving a bit in her sleep.

Laurel shows me where to hold her, my hand cupping her head and the other supporting her lower back. She then lays part of my flannel shirt over Caden’s body for warmth and comfort, and leaves us to ourselves once more.

And in holding my daughter for the first time, clutching her fragile being to my skin, feeling her breathe, smelling her soft scent, melding her soul to mine, something extraordinary happens.

I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s as if liquid gold pours through my veins, alighting my entire body with a foreign glow. It’s warm and wonderful, alighting my entire existence and filling me with feelings I didn’t know I could experience.

It’s like some beautiful bridge has been built between my daughter and I, as if we’ve connected on an untouchable level. I feel responsible for her wellbeing, protective of her. I feel the need to shower her in all the love I can offer, affectionate towards her. I feel the want to teach her, patient with her.

I see mental images swirl before my eyes. I can see me nurturing her as she grows, helping her down the long road of her life. I see my arms providing her shelter. I see my embrace offering her comfort. I see my hands showing her new things.

I see me alongside of her as her father.

My breath catches in my throat, tears welling up in my eyes.

So that’s what this is. A strong flood of paternity.

And with a flood comes a deluge, the moisture rushing down my cheeks. I’m sure Jen understands. I’m sure Jen knows what I’m feeling, having experienced it in her own way. Still, she questions, checking up on me regardless.

“Joshy…?”

I somehow manage to look away from our daughter despite the new love running rampant through my system, looking at her mother with about the same level of affection.

“Jen…” I gasp, smoothing my thumb gingerly against Caden’s head, “Jen, she’s…astounding…And I love her so much…I love you both so much…”

Jen smiles with a level of warmth that rivals my current emotions, tears quick to fall down her cheeks as well.

“I mean, I already knew that I did but…Holding her really…puts everything into perspective. Makes me realize how lucky I am to have a family like this.”

“I felt the exact same way…” Jen whispers, sniffling against her tears, “She really connects us, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, and she has for as long as she’s been around. She brought us together, and hammered how much I love you in; intensified it, even. She joined us in way that no one else could manage. She’s our perfect little blessing.”

My girlfriend lets out a tearful laugh, bringing her hand to cup over her mouth, channeling her composure for a moment. She then walks to the side that Caden isn’t poised on, leaning over me to press a loving kiss to my cheek.

“You both are. This family is my blessing.”

I turn my head to look at Jen, leaning so close that my lips dust across hers as I speak.

“I love you so much, Jennifer…”

“I love you too, Josh…”

She reaches down to my hand that’s holding our daughter, laying hers atop it as our mouths meet, connecting the three of us even further. It’s amazing that we all already have such a bond, and it’s only the beginning of the long journey we’ll get to share together.

xXx

I don’t know how long we stay cuddling with Caden, taking turns with her and getting her more and more familiar with the outside world. She’s passed off to Jen for a little, and then back to me, before finally, our visitation gets cut. But not for the reason I would have expected.

A nurse comes up to us, but instead of informing us that Caden needs her routine check, she tells us that we have visitors waiting for us outside.

Jen’s family.

The visitation hours in the NICU are a bit tight, but I guess they finally found a perfect window to come and catch up formally. We’re also told that Caden will need to be placed back in her isolette, as all the activity might be a bit much for her. We agree, and I reluctantly let the nurse scoop our daughter out of my arms and into a nearby isolette.

No longer occupied with a baby, I fully turn my attention to Jen, and I can practically see the waves of nerves and excitement rolling off of her. Her teeth have clamped over her bottom lip- though her mouth is tipped upwards in a smile- and her eyes have gone glassy yet again. Locking stares with her, it only takes me a few seconds to process what she’s thinking about.

I smile warmly myself, buttoning my shirt back up before standing and pulling Jen into my arms. I hug her tightly, and the shivers running through her body are enough to shake mine.

“Ready to tell them?”

She lets out a gasping laugh, nuzzling her face against my neck.

“Guess we have to eventually…”

I grin, pressing a gentle kiss to any available skin I can find.

“Any particular way you want to drop the news?”

“I don’t…really have anything specific in mind. Should we just flat out say it?”

“Might as well; I don’t have a little Cats jersey to dress her in or anything.”

I bite my lip as I await Jen’s response, and she’s quick to deliver. A board goes up her back, her entire body stiffening in my arms before she leans back to properly glare at me.

“Joshua Ryan, don’t even start pulling that shit with me. She’s a Card 100%.”

I cannot help but laugh, and give Jen a playful clap on the ass, mostly for her language.

“Need I remind you that she’s my daughter too? You know, kind of the reason why we’ve been crying for hours? So she’s definitely not 100% Cardinal.”

“Well, she was born in the heart of Cardinal Nation, so she totally leans more red.”

I grin, rolling my eyes and tugging her back close again. Our daughter hasn’t even been in the world for a full day, and already we’re trying to sort her into the proper house. Typical.

“Okay okay. I think it’d be best if we set this argument aside for another time, since your family is about to come in.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Ben and Blaine try and bring it back up. You know them.”

“I do know them,” I chuckle.

“But yeah no; this discussion isn’t over, Josh. I’m not backing down.”

“Whatever you say, baby,” I reply cockily with a crooked grin to match.

She gives me a harmless glare, but the cold expression is quick to defrost when a nurse comes around the corner, soon followed by the brothers themselves, and Jen’s parents thereafter. My girlfriend sharply inhales, hesitates for a moment, and then she’s not by my side anymore, careening over to her mother and practically collapsing in her arms.

The two women are quick to start crying, Mrs. Lawrence first, consequently dragging Jen down to the same emotional state. They hug each other tightly, and Mr. Lawrence steps up to gently rub Jen’s back, joining in the moment.

I stand off to the side with a soft smile, allowing them privacy. Jen’s mother begins to murmur a mantra of relief against her daughter’s neck, and my heart clenches as I listen to their conversation.

“I was…I was so worried about you…Oh my God…Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

“Yeah, Mom,” I hear Jen sniffle, “I’m…I’m perfectly fine…And so is she.”

“Blaine caught us up, so we…we know most of what happened…Has she gotten any better?”

“Yeah, she’s…she’s so strong…and so so beautiful…She’s perfect, Mom…”

Mrs. Lawrence lets out a gasping laugh, and I watch as she hugs Jen closer, snuggling her face against Jen’s collar.

“That’s wonderful, sweetheart…I love you so much. I feel…so much better now.”

“I love you too, Mommy,” Jen titters through her tears.

“I’m so happy you’re both okay, kiddo,” Mr. Lawrence speaks up, “We were up most of the night worrying.”

“Oh, yeah no, there…there isn’t anything to worry about anymore…”

My heart clenches at Jen’s words, and she seems to grasp the deeper meaning behind her words as well. She stiffens in her parents’ arms, before wiggling to break free, taking a few steps back towards me.

“…Actually,” she murmurs as she pivots towards me with a smile, “Speaking of which, I’ve got a little something to tell you.”

“What is it, Jenny Lou?” Mrs. Lawrence asks, oblivious to the direction the conversation is taking.

My girlfriend walks back into my arms, searching my eyes for the go ahead to continue with the big announcement. I nod with a grin, allowing her to pivot to face her family again, keeping a tight hold on her waist.

“Well…uh…”

I’m patient with her, giving her time to think with such a large piece of news to drop. I simply continue to smile at her, rubbing my hand gingerly against her side. I can see the wheels of her mind turning as she stares around the room in thought. And when her gaze settles upon her brothers, who had also been standing off to the side, her face lights up in an epiphany, with a teary beam to match.

“…You were right, Blaine,” she says in a voice above a whisper.

Her parents’ expressions furrow in confusion, but before they can inquire, the bickering between siblings begins.

“I mean, that goes without question,” Blaine replies, raising a single, cocky eyebrow.

I chuckle, and Jen lets out a snort, quickly correcting herself.

“Okay, let me rephrase that. You were right for once in your life, Blaine.”

“Nope, too late; you already slipped up.”

I turn to look at Jen just in time to catch her dramatic eye roll, and my laughter picks up, giving her side a few reassuring pats.

“…What was I right about though?”

A simple question brings the mood back down to a serious one. Jen’s face softens, and she looks to me yet again, biting her lip with anxiousness. I smile at her, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to her lips, giving her the strength that she needs to continue. And continue she does.

“Your prediction when you looked at Peanut’s first ultrasound,” Jen breathes, looking back to her brother, “Do you remember?”

The teasing drains from Blaine, the question likely catching him off guard. His eyebrows furrow as well as he shifts to deep thought, combing his memory.

“I had just come back from my appointment, and a certain sense of yours was apparently going…wild…”

I let out a single huff of laughter at the pun, and very obvious hint, trying so hard to upkeep a poker face. It takes Blaine a minute or two to process his sister’s words, but the second they finally click, the realization is visible on his face.

His mouth drops open, his eyes widening immensely as his dumfounded stare bounces between Jen and I.

“What?! Are you kidding me?!” he practically yelps, breaking the laughter from my throat and taking Jen down with me.

“No, man. Definitely not kidding,” I reply with a proud grin.

But of course, Blaine being Blaine, he brings back an element that gets me laughing harder.

“You were pregnant with a Wildcat this entire time?! Jesus, no wonder we lost!”

My eyes squint shut and my nose wrinkles, my mirth in full effect. When hazel comes back into view, I’m just in time to catch Jen’s scoff of disgust, and watch as the entire conversation finally sinks in with the rest of her family. Their eyes begin to widen too, the excitement and relief in the room hiking up a few notches. But they don’t have a chance to express it, not having a chance to step in between the aggressive sibling banter.

“Blaine, she is n-…wait, we lost?”

“Is that really surprising?” I snort.

“Josh, don’t start with me,” Jen retorts, before turning back to her brother, “And Blaine, shut up. I don’t care if we’re the losing side; my baby girl is not a Wildcat. I won’t allow it.”

“She’s got it in her veins though, just like I suspected,” Blaine huffs, “That’s enough to mess up the good Cardinal vibes.”

Before Jen can shoot back with a zinger, her mother takes a few steps forwards, tears swirling within her eyes.

“Wait, wait, stop,” she cuts in, and we all obey and go silent as she stares at me, “You’re…You’re saying that Josh…is the father? You’re the dad?”

I can feel the warmth radiating from Jen’s grin, and I pivot to momentarily return it, giving her a gentle kiss to the cheek as a bonus.

“Yes ma’am,” I reply as I look back, “You unfortunately have at least one Wildcat in the family now.”

Ben and Blaine let out a snort of disgust, causing my smile to grow, but Mrs. Lawrence couldn’t care less. Her weeps start up again, and she walks up to offer an embrace, which I take without question.

“And I couldn’t be happier,” she murmurs, crying against me as her hold grows warm and accepting, “Thank God…You have…no idea how relieved I am…”

“Actually, I might,” I laugh softly, “We’ve both been crying nonstop for…nearly a day here.”

“I don’t blame you. Oh my God, what a miracle. My daughter has a healthy baby with the perfect father…"

I feel my cheeks redden a bit from such high praise, and Mrs. Lawrence breaks our embrace, staring at both Jen and I with a smile too happy for words.

“He really is perfect,” Jen murmurs, leaning over to press her lips to my cheek, heightening the heat that’s rushing there.

“Completely. Joshua, I can picture no one else to help my little girl raise a child. You care for her so much…Didn’t you rush all the way here from LA?”

“Yeah, I did,” I reply with a soft chuckle.

“Which proves my point. You’re the sweetest, gentlest, most patient soul, and I know Jen loves you to the moon and back.”

My heart clenches, and Jen gives me another tender kiss, smiling against my skin.

“You two already make an extraordinary couple, and now you’re going to make wonderful parents. I’m so…so incredibly happy for you both. And so very relieved.”

“Thank you,” I reply sincerely, tightening my grip on Jen once more, “I promise to love them unconditionally.”

“I never had a doubt,” Mrs. Lawrence replies, her smile never faltering.

“Speaking of them,” Ben suddenly butts in, causing us all to laugh, “Did Peanut ever get a name or…?”

“Oh yeah,” Jen laughs, and she meets my eye for a quick smile before replying, “We named her Caden. Little fighter.”

“Caden,” Mrs. Lawrence repeats, tasting the name for herself, “That’s absolutely beautiful…”

“Thanks, Mom…”

“And speaking of Caden,” Blaine joins in, the two brothers continuously breaking the tender moments, drawing a chuckle from me again, “Are we ever going to meet her or…?”

“Oh my God,” Jen sighs, mocking their ways of interruption, “Do you both not care about Josh or…?”

“Well,” Ben starts, and I laugh, knowing where he’s going, “I’m pretty sure carrying his blue blood into the Battle of the Bluegrass messed up the game for us.”

“Aww come on, man,” I chuckle as Jen scoffs, “I know I’m the rival house, but at least I promise to give my life to your sister and your niece. Maybe I’ll even let Caden be a Card after all.”

“You fuc- I mean, you better,” Jen huffs, and I grin in return.

“But yeah, no hard feelings?”

Ben and Blaine actually seem to contemplate my words, before chuckling and finally breaking their teasing persona, stepping up to give me small hugs.

“No hard feelings,” Blaine repeats, “At least, not until madness season.”

“Deal,” I laugh.

“Yeah, in all seriousness, Josh, I couldn’t be happier that Pean- well, Caden, belongs to you and my sister.”

I nod with a warm smile, but it quickly turns to another laugh when he continues.

“…But since I’m not serious, don’t expect us to stop giving you shit anytime soon. You might just be our new target now that you’re in the Lawrence family officially. Jen might actually get a break.”

“Maybe it’s about time she gets one. She does deserve it after all,” I murmur, looking back to Jen and giving her cheek a kiss, causing her to beam at me.

There’s a slight respite filled with smiles and contentment, before Jennifer speaks up again.

“Alright. So is everyone caught up? Are we all ready to go give Caden some company?”

The room breaks out into a chorus of approval, and we all start to funnel towards Caden’s isolette, the Lawrences readying themselves to welcome the newest addition to their family. Just as I begin to follow Jen however, an all too familiar buzz goes off in my pocket, stopping me short. With the dejavu in effect, I have a guess on who it could be, my heart twittering as I fish for my phone.

Noticing that I’m not walking alongside her, Jennifer halts as well, her face falling in confusion.

“Josh?”

I manage to get my phone out, and a single glance at the screen confirms my hunch.

“Perfect timing; it’s my mom,” I reply with a soft smile.

The confusion melts away, replaced by warmth as Jen returns my bright facial expression.

“Wow yeah, A+ timing on her part. Do you need a minute, baby?”

“Yeah. Guess it’s my turn to catch my side of the family up with everything.”

“Alright,” Jen murmurs gently, “You can take your time. Peanut and I aren’t going anywhere.”

I catch the double meaning behind her words, and give her a grateful smile, leaning forward to lock her mouth in a kiss.

“Okay. I shouldn’t be too long, and I’ll be right over when I’m done. I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Joshy. Tell your mom I said hi!”

“I will.”

We give each other one last parting kiss, before Jen trots off to her brothers, her parents, and our baby. I watch her go with a smile, before gathering the courage to answer my own mother, stepping off to the side away from the action.

Unlike last time, she’s much calmer when I answer, likely just calling for an update. There’s no way she could possibly prepare however, for the update I’m about to drop on her.

“Hello?”

“Josh! How’s everything going, hun?”

“It’s uh…It’s going great,” I reply, my voice trembling a bit with the news brewing up within me.

“It’s ‘uh great’?” she huffs, “Why the hesitation? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah yeah, no, it’s fine. It’s actually…It’s perfect.”

“Oh,” she replies, obviously a bit taken aback by my cryptic answer, “Is Jen’s baby doing well?”

There it is already. My mother walked herself right into the conversation I was hoping for. She cut straight to the chase without even meaning to. I fell tears bead up into my eyes, and I exhale a shaky breath, smiling as I prepare myself for the reaction to come.

“Our baby is doing wonderful, Mom, thanks for asking.”

And as to be expected, there’s a stunned silence to follow. I have to bite my lip to contain both chuckles and tears, picturing my mom clutching the phone to her head, gaping like a fish. Just when the silence drags on for a bit too long, and I’m about to intervene, her trembling voice sounds once more.

“Did…did I hear you correctly a second ago?”

“I think you did.”

“Are…Is that what you’re saying now, or are you actually…”

When her voice trails off with emotion, I’m quick to fill in the space.

“That’s the big news I had for you, Mom. I’m so glad you called because…I wanted to tell you that…”

I’ve still yet to successfully utter these words without tears racing down my cheeks, and this moment is no exception.

“…I’m a dad.”

Unsurprisingly, more silence follows. But that silence is soon breached by shaky inhalations, soft gasps, and trembling weeps from the both of us, the potent emotion passing even despite the distance.

“She’s…she’s mine. Jen and I are…parents…You’re a grandmother…”

“Oh God, don’t use that word yet,” my mother says through her tears, causing me to laugh, “Makes me feel…way too old. Or that you’ve grown up too much…Oh my God, I can’t believe you have a…baby. You actually have a baby…?”

“Yes, Mom,” I reply proudly, tears continuing their deluge down my cheeks, “And she’s the most…perfect, beautiful, amazing little girl…I feel entirely privileged to call her mine, and to raise her alongside such a wonderful woman…”

“Speaking of Jen, I imagine she’s ecstatic and relieved beyond relief?”

“Completely. She can finally, finally, relax now.”

“See, what did I tell you, Joshua? What did I tell you earlier?”

I cannot help but laugh again, sniffling loudly.

“That everything was going to be okay?”

“Yup. And I don’t think you believed me then. But do you now?”

I let out contented sigh, pivoting to stare across the room at my other family. My heart soars as I take in the untouched happiness on my girlfriend’s face, her expression alight as she gazes over our baby. Somehow, she’s able to sense my eyes upon her, and looks from one pair of hazel eyes to the other.

When our stares connect, I can see everything the future holds for us. I can see the growth ahead, our family aging, shifting, and growing. I can see the happiness ahead, our days filled with laughter, contentment, and relaxation. I can see the love ahead, our beings wrapped in kisses, embraces, and affection to the deepest core.

There is no more fear now, no more lies to be told, no more secrets to be kept away.

It’s a new day for us. It’s a new chapter in our lives.

It’s a beautiful beginning.

So finally, I answer my mother with all the confidence I can muster, never breaking the eye contact with my girlfriend as I utter the promise once more.

“I believe you. Everything is definitely going to be okay.”

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