Jul 29, 2024
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...2 Years Earlier...
Landgraab Mansion, Oasis Springs 5:50 pm
Nancy: I can’t believe this. You disobeyed us, snuck around behind our backs, had woohoo outside of marriage, and knocked up this... this heathen slut!
Johnny: Watch it. You don’t get to talk to her like that.
Nancy: I can say what I like. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy Watcher giveth thee. Exodus 20:12.
Geoffery: Let me cut to the chase. I’ll give you each 10,000 simoleons if you abort the little half breed, sign a nondiscosure agreement, and never see each other again.
Johnny: You know what, dad? FUCK YOU!!
So, I yelled about abortion at my office today. Well, maybe not quite yelled, but I was ‘loud’ and ‘impassioned’
My office is almost entirely conservative white men (I myself am a white christian male, I just follow the bible telling me to have empathy more than the church telling me who deserves my empathy) so most of the time when folks start talking politics around me I just ignore them or put in my headphones or something.
But today, some of the Good Ol’ Boys were gathered near my cube going on about Roe, and, for some reason, after about the 4th or 5th repetition of ‘it’s nothing to do with abortion, it’s just returning state’s rights. and if a lady doesn’t like it, she can always move!’ something in me snapped.
“Can you afford to just up and move a couple states over right now? Do you have that money?” “Well, no” “So if they passed a law saying all bearded men have to be gay, what would you do?” (obvs all the Good Ol’ Boys have big bushy beards and are slightly homophobic) “Well I’d tell ‘em to fuck off!” “So, you wouldn’t just find a way to move if they passed a dumb law about your body?” “That’s different, there’s a choice involved. She can just be smart about it if she doesn’t want to take the risk.” “Yeah, and you could shave your beard. ‘Sides, what if she got raped? What if the pregnancy could kill her? How much choice is that?” “Well, see, that’s different, because of course there should be exceptions blahblahblah
Back and forth, I kept bringing up basic logic and he kept shifting his point and having nothing to back up his stance. It’s super easy to poke holes in any stance an anti-abortionist might take, I know, because I used to believe that abortions should only be allowed with strict limitations. What those limitations should be shifted several times over the years, because I’d get to a very clear and concise definition of exactly when abortion is, or is not, acceptable, and then I’d explain this to a woman in my life, and she would (usually very patiently) explain why my reasoning is nonsense and some of the very obvious things I was overlooking, at which point I’d revise my idea and come up with a new definition. After so many times of being proven wrong, I gave up and decided that I, as a man, can’t actually understand the topic well enough to set limitations. If you look at it objectively, there’s just no way to draw a clean line between ‘necessary’ and ‘immoral’ abortions that doesn’t hurt the women with legitimate need for an abortion, and there’s no method of limiting ‘immoral’ abortions that won’t also limit access to the ‘necessary’ ones.
Unless you’re ok with hurting women who have a very real and pressing need for abortions, you have to be ok with open access to abortions for all women for any reason. No judgment, no limitations, free and open access to any who determine, of their own volition, that they need it, for whatever reason they deem valid.
Abortion Realities
TW: Abortion, pregnancy, and all the stuff that comes with babies. I want to get real for a minute. Today I am regretting my abortion. Those who have followed my tumblr for any length of time will have noticed that this is not something I say often, but I felt it needed to be said. Maybe it's the rush of people in my mommy groups posting excited "do you see what I see?" photos of faint lines on the exact same 88 cent walmart pregnancy test I used when I found out I was pregnant with Elliot. Maybe it's the cute bumps, talk of baby kicks, labor announcements, or pictures of squishy newborns. Maybe it's all the opinion pieces floating around about the merits of Planned Parenthood. Whatever it is, today I regret my abortion and you know what? That's totally okay. It doesn't invalidate my pro-choice stance or that most days I don't regret my decision. It doesn't mean that the statistics thrown around about abortion regret "prove" anything. It just...is. It's a part of healing from everything that came together in a perfect storm that I'm not entirely sure where it started and that ended with me at a clinic in Spokane. More than anything, I need healing and that's something I'm finding in a variety of ways - keeping this tumblr, sharing my story on PASS boards, talking to Partner and Silly Boy as need dictates, giving Elliot an identity and a memory box. Today my decision hurts.
Canadians: if you receive this in the mail today, please be aware that it contains large GRAPHIC abortion photos. There is no indication of this on the envelope. Inside, it turns out to be an anti-Trudeau campaign. FYI #twabortion #canada #canadian #abortion #humanrights
Post-Abortion Memorials: a personal story
One of my favorite pro choice blogs, pro-choice-and-pro-voice received an ask regards to the limited ability to take the remains for burial and how they had wished they had that ability. Paige was awesome and listed off a few ways to memorialize the experience. I didn't want to reblog since some of what I have pictured may be a trigger for people who have had abortions, so I'm making a blog instead.
This is Elliot's memory box, just one of the ways I've memorialized my experience. Currently in it is the paperwork regarding my abortion (what to expect, the bill stub, etc), a confirmation of pregnancy from the crisis pregnancy center I went to when I couldn't believe the two tests I took, confirmation from the OBGYN I saw before I made my decision to terminate, letters, a onesie that had been worn by both of Silly Boy's kids, the hat & blanket I got from the CPC, a St. Nicholas prayer card and mini rosary (from Silly Boy's wife), the Oragami Owl locket I made, my ultrasound & pregnancy test (tucked in the hat because I know it's a common trigger), and most recently added a healing prayer. The locket has a "yellow" ribbon for Silly Boy's military service, the moon and star representing placing him the stars (yes, I'm aware it's most commonly associated with Islam but is not solely an Islamic symbol so I felt comfortable adding it), blue foot prints, In Memory Of, Mom, a peridot colored heart stone for his due date, piano representing Silly Boy, hummingbird representing Wifey, and a maple leaf since my nickname in Idaho was "the Canadian" due to MN's proximity to Canada & similarities in speech. Naming Elliot was a memorial in itself, as explained before. Lastly, I have a tattoo of an elephant with a heart shaped balloon. Inside the balloon is the outline of a forget me not. I'm not particularly religious, but I do find comfort in prayer.
For those who would like it, here is the healing prayer for post abortion I found on a pro-life message board to which I no longer have the link to credit.: Heavenly Father, your daughter comes before you deeply wounded. We ask you to heal her and show your eternal mercy to her. We ask for your forgiveness Father. Help her to know that in your Son Jesus Christ, nothing is lost. Help her to know that she can have a relationship with Jesus and her child in Heaven, and that her innocent child is with you praying for her healing and forgiveness. Help her to know how much her child still loves her, and forgives her. Send her your Holy Spirit to protect her from temptation Lord. Heal her from her emotional and physical scars, and her wounded spirit Lord. Bring her to you Lord, the only one who can provide us with lasting peace. Let her know how much you love her Lord, and that with you, she is never alone. We thank you Lord for your daughter, and for your loving care for her. We pray this in the holy name of Jesus.