#tyzyfone

[ratdog-thing]

disability be like:

listen to my wonderful innovative plan that consists of 129 steps and which has a goal of cleaning my animals' litter box

[ratdog-thing]

we lack money to survive but

but Tyzyfone just bought us a new fern

im gonna kill bun for this, i'm trying to be frugal, meanwhile this happens

it's absolutely bunbrained, it sees a nice plant and it's over, we have to get a new plant, no matter what the rest of us thinks about buying the plant

[ratdog-thing]

v classic paranoia they are spying on me is v firm in us right now, construction workers outside our windows are part of the reason and at times scare us so fucking much. it's hard to stop thinking about it. i'm afraid to write about it here but i'm forcing myself, pushing through it as strong as i can in hopes it can help future us.

i want us to learn how to deal with such happenings again. it was quite good up until murder attempt, until she succesfully planted delusions in us, on purpose, consciously, because she didn't succeed in strangling us. i don't want this in my head.

[ratdog-thing]

everybody's so worried about my health, both mental and physical, that i think i should stop telling them shit about it

like, you all, come on

when it's real bad, i wouldn't tell you anything in case you'd try to stop me. i'm talking which means i'm safe and trying to get better

[ratdog-thing]

i caught one small thing bc it wasn't mine. and by thing i mean delusion, and by small i mean one that could destroy our life but that was encompassing only a small portion of our life.

i thought it through and i noticed more isolation tendencies recently, more depressed thoughts and behaviors, emotions, and minor increase in suicidality. issues with speech and words in general heavily increased.

we started paying attention heavily and managed to identify the source in oleander and see that (obviously) it wasn't the only delusion he holds now.

he believes that our body is dying/dead again. hard to say which one because he denies it. we know he's lying because, well, we share one goddamn mind and the only ones capable of lying to others would be captains who are able to hide the truth.

he thinks that there's a lot of puss under our skin and he has attempted to get it out multiple times which could hind towards him still believing that we're alive and that it could save us but we're unsure about this one. without his cooperation it's hard to figure out the details. maybe he's just trying to delay decomposition.

we're getting ready for complete shutdown, just in case. i don't want it but i know that there's no way around the fact that im one of three persons capable of being a helmsman or/and captain that are (mostly) immune of psychosis. we're gonna go to some forest this week, hopefully.

we already got meds just in case nothing works out so we're safe. we're safe but i hate it with every fibre of my being.

[ratdog-thing]

i mamaged to sleep 18 hours straight. a feat in itself but it was also part of my record-breaking streak of sleeping 24 hours out of 28 hours

i later realized that i've taken benzo to calm myself down. the memory is faint, maybe it hit stronger bc i wasn't eating much for better part of the month, maybe i accidentally took too much bc i was dissociated, hell knows

all good spirits in hell and on the planet earth, wish me happy never again bc i'd rather not, i'd really rather not

[ratdog-thing]

if anyone cares: i made a separate blog @bnuy-shaped-heart so that this blog is not overtaken by animal posts and reposts. if u like when animal, go follow me.

once oleander is rested and comes back to the body and to this life we're leading, i'm gonna be out, so idk how long this blog is gonna be active, maybe long tho

[ratdog-thing]

wonderful that bnuyposting on main has made bnuy loving plurals like our posts

if any see this - hiii from bnuy shapeshifter thing and fellow plural :3 nice to see you all around