ukelpie: What is it supposed to be then, a mass hallucination O_o?? Also, 'think slower' has to be the easiest solution ever presented to that problem, wtf. Honestly, try to get a second opinion to... whatever that was. harbingerloki: Wtf. I wish I had the magical unicorn power of thinking slower, like god, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT????
runeburnz: That's just terrible! I hope you can find someone different. Can't believe someone in this day and age can be a licensed therapist and not believe ADHD is real
moxie-moth: what the actual fuk
thoughttrainderailed: SO CLEARLY THE PILLS YOU NEED SHOULD COST NOTHING. BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST SUGAR RIGHT. NO CHEMICALS INVOLVED TO TREAT A FAKE ILLNESS.
I even tried explaining it the best way I could. ADHD isn't just thinking fast or being physically jittery? Like, I will have to pee, stand up, and literally not know why I stood up. I have to announce out loud what I am doing so that, when I inevitably stand up and forget, I can ask what I'd just said seconds earlier and Meg and Wade can tell me. I'll have my pills in my hand, drink some water, pop them in my mouth, and swallow, and not know, right then, if I just took my meds or if I was about to. I can't focus on shit all if it doesn't interest 100% of me, but when something does interest 100% of me, I hyper-focus, and don't even get up for thirteen hours. I tried explaining that, for me, having ADHD is like... all of my thoughts are on pieces of confetti. For some people, important thoughts are a different color from everyday thoughts like, "Wow that is a very pink shirt" as opposed to, "I need to get my taxes done by tomorrow". But for me, every piece of confetti is the same color, and they're all falling down around me rapidly. I can reach out and grab some, but I don't have time to sift trough them until I reach out to catch more thoughts, and I have to throw the ones I'd caught before that to the ground. And so on and so forth. We literally cannot hold onto thoughts, It's like trying to keep water in a noodle strainer. It all just falls through the holes, even if you're actively pouring more in. I didn't even get to talk about the over-stimulation problems, the NEED to be moving at least one part of my body at all times (messing with my hands, jiggling my leg, doing SOMETHING), the problems with understanding people when they talk (sometimes it sounds like they're speaking an alien language and I literally cannot understand them), and the inability to take any perceived rejection/failure (getting unreasonably distraught or furious when I think someone is brushing me off or has told me I've failed), and everything else... I just started voicing my thoughts, because... well, okay, so we had to move to a new office because of the severe flooding. The walls were thinner, and I could hear the woman talking in the next room, and it was making me unable to talk, because I was hearing her, and I couldn't get through my sentences. The therapist tried putting water sounds on her phone for ambient noise, but then I was hearing the woman next door, the ambient noise, my thoughts, and what I'm trying to say, AND the therapist's questions. The ambient sound was water flowing, and I told her I couldn't do this much, that it was making me remember every time I've ever heard the sound of rushing water. She asked what was so bad about that, and I thought she meant, like, being unable to get away from hundreds of thoughts falling around me at once. Turns out she meant why was the sound of water specifically so bad. So I started telling her the word-association game that is my brain, which operates on 10x speed, and she thought I was rushing because of anxiety and working myself up into a panic. I was not. I was just listing my thoughts, but I couldn't work as fast as my brain, so I was lagging behind. That was when she told me to take a deep breath and think slower. And that thinking slower was my only problem. That ADHD isn't real and the rushing thoughts is just anxiety. I. I was very upset, because she was rejecting me and it felt like I'd pitfalled down into a ditch. I can try to explain it better next time (by writing it out and reading off the paper), but... it really hurt. And I don't understand how she thinks all of these symptoms is JUST anxiety. Yes, I HAVE anxiety. Yes, I HAVE depression. But I ALSO have ADHD. And if hearing me talking about it in detail that one time for the few minutes I did freaked her out so much, how does she think I feel? I've had to live trapped in this body with this brain for my entire life.
