I don’t follow platitudes anymore and here’s why.
I went to a university that was not a good fit for me and stayed there and graduated even though I was in so much mental stress it quite possibly triggered the onset of my type 2 bipolar--because I am “not a quitter”.
College also destroyed my confidence and gave me an identity crisis--because “you were the genius girl in high school, why can you barely get a C in your favorite subjects?”
I got a degree, not in something that would give me financial stability but something I loved with no job options--because people in college told me to “follow my passions, not realistic societal expectations”.
I hated working with the people in my field but did not figure this out until it was too late--because “people in the real world are not like [my horrible classmates]”.
I stayed in a job, with abusive and manipulative managers who intentionally wreaked havoc on my mental health, way too long--because “quitting with no other job lined up will look bad on a resume”.
I didn’t fulfill my lifelong dream of getting a horse until I was 24 years old--because “what if something bad happens and you can’t pay for it?”
I’ve burned out at work before--because “we really need you to do this for us even though it’s your day off/this isn’t your job/this will get you on management’s good side”.
Now I’m in a field I love but is not physically or financially sustainable--because “I’m helping people and it’s fulfilling” so that justifies being overworked and underpaid.
I have a lot of unnecessary anxiety--because “you have to plan for all scenarios including the worst”.
I’ve suffered mentally--because “you need to be positive all the time, even if you’re dying inside, otherwise you are a toxic and undesirable person”.
The thing is people are very well-intentioned, but not all advice works for everybody all the time in every situation. I’ve grit my teeth and plowed through bad situations in the past, and at the same time my mental illness has prevented me from powering through potentially good situations.
My job is up in the air right now but I trust Jesus that I’m going to end up right where I’m supposed to be. I had to temporarily withdraw from organic chemistry because it would bring my GPA down too low to get into grad school.
And you know what, there is nothing wrong with not fretting and just trusting it will work out, it doesn’t make you naive or unprepared. There is nothing wrong with retreating to regroup and restrategize, it is not quitting. There is nothing wrong with being honest about your mental state, it doesn’t make you toxic or negative. There is nothing strong about staying in a situation that is bad for you. Be gentle with yourself.