#understanding boundaries

[desroundtree]

The concept of boundaries is hard to understand when you are the person that doesn’t take them seriously. It’s hard to understand something you don’t believe in. Something you might not take seriously unless you’re the one being crossed. Maybe I could use that as an excuse for one or two times, but when there is consistent places where feelings are hurt, ignored or pushed aside - then it becomes more of a habit. A habit of doing on one side and a habit of accepting it on the other.

But there are times in life when we are expected to do hard things. Setting boundaries is as hard for me as it is for some people to learn and understand what they are, where I stand and not to cross them. It can be uncomfortable because I am so accustomed to letting certain things happen, to not taking things personally or seriously, to letting things slide. Maybe my personality doesn’t seem like I would be that type of person, a softy of sorts. Someone who forgives too fast and too much. But I figured out why I do. Often it is because of who someone is, or their age, or how they grew up. The truth is that has nothing to do with me, and I have to not care about WHY you are hurting me and care about the fact that you ARE hurting me. Flipping that switch can be hard for someone like me.

Things aren’t comfortable all the time. That’s just not how life works, I understand that fully. Trust me, my health issues make that an abundantly clear fact almost daily. But my feelings should not be something that are constantly hurt, it’s not sensitivity, it’s not being “too much”. It truly is understanding that your boundaries have been crossed and knowing that the person crossing them doesn’t care that they were there to begin with. That’s where the hurt comes in.

The dismissal of something you know hurts someone else, and doing it anyway.

So I hope this post will help someone think about how they treat someone else, how they understand that person and maybe taking a look into what that person needs from THEM to feel comfortable, loved, acknowledged and most of all, celebrated.

[werewolf-morgue]

My cat is at the foot of my bed, snoring in the sunlight basking on her from the window. She makes these cute sounds that make me want to pinch her lil cheeks but I know she wouldn’t enjoy that very much. So I gently pet her instead. Cats will let you know their boundaries and it’s honestly been so much better for me to understand not only hers and others but my own as well. I have a voice and things I can handle for so long. Sometimes you need to get up and walk away from something making you uncomfortable or upset. Being exposed to certain things aren’t good for us, know your limits and understand them. You know what’s best for you.

[desroundtree]

Boundaries

I am a person that has always struggled boundaries. Most of the time it happens with others but I can admit it happens with myself a lot too. I have learned that being bipolar makes me struggle even more, so I am truly not imagining it when I say I feel like it is the hardest thing to do. 

I will admit it takes me a while to get to that point. It isn’t one transgression, it’s usually many - whether those transgressions are intentional or if I just perceived them to be transgressions - that doesn’t matter. If I feel slighted or hurt I am entitled to that feeling and the truth is no one can tell me otherwise. We all have things that push our buttons, things that hurt us more than others think they should, reactions that people can see as too much or even too little. I am not concerned with the way other people think anymore but I will always be concerned with the way I feel about it.

I  want to be clear, boundary setting is intentional. It is because I am hurt and no one has to understand that but me.

But people have misconceptions about boundaries. It isn’t telling someone not to talk to you in a certain way, or telling someone you don’t like something they did. That’s a warning, not a boundary. A boundary is removing yourself from the situation so it isn’t allowed to happen to you again.

You disrespect me enough for me not to speak to you, then I create a boundary and guess what - I am going to hold the line.

You treat me badly in the past continuously and want to try to walk back into my life because you’re done being an asshole, well guess what?

I am going to hold the line.

You don’t want to admit your wrong at all, any time, any where - guess what?

I am going to hold the line.

You hurt me or those close to me, you take advantage, you’re cruel, you’re selfish….

Guess what????

I don’t care who you are. I am going to hold the line.

I think people don’t understand that it is a hard place for me to be in, those are hard decisions to make and this was a place I arrived at. It doesn’t come without tears, or pain, or sadness.

And it isn’t easy. I have feelings too. Feeling like you’re being treated badly and choosing to react to it to protect yourself is going to make people uncomfortable. It’s going to push people out of their comfort zones - the same way I felt pushed out of mine - and that’s what they deserve. Their comfort, their ability to move in and out of my life, their ability to do things without impunity stops with me.

Let’s burn the bridges down.

[midcitiespsychiatry]

Understanding boundaries | Mid Cities Psychiatry Grapevine,Texas

Boundaries are essentially a set of rules or expectations that communicate how we expect others. READ MORE about understanding boundaries. C

[theredhairing40]

Understanding Boundaries

I try to understand other people's boundaries, yet for some reason, they fail to understand mine.

:(