Sealed letter Kurt Vonnegut Sr. sent his son Kurt Vonnegut Jr. during WW2. Held in the Kurt Vonnegut Museum and Library.
During WW2, Kurt Vonnegut's father wrote him a letter from Indiana. It was returned to the family with 'missing in action' written across it. When Vonnegut came back from war, his father handed him the letter. Vonnegut could not open it. He did not open it for his entire life. Neither did his children. To this day, the letter remains sealed and on display.
Милая моя
Сегодня я пишу тебе уже пятый раз
а может быть шестой, после трех все начинает путаться
Не зависимо от числа, важен смысл
Я пишу чернилами цвета вины, что ты таила
С первой недели нашего знакомства
Даже первые слова, сорвавшиеся с твоих чарующих уст
Я принял слишком близко к сердцу
Но осознание того, что они становились лживыми было выше моих сил
Но нет...Убедить себя, что все, что я считал реальным, было лишь хитрой иллюзией
И что твои слова могли таить хоть немного смысла
Было гораздо легче
Понимаешь, я лишь хотел думать, будто жил идеальной жизнью, будто мы были идеальны, и ничего в мире не могло быть более совершенным
Похоже мне никогда этого не узнать
А может быть, это была лишь идеальная иллюзия
Или это слово как-то врезалось мне в мозг каждый раз, когда ты смотрела на меня тем безжалостным взглядом
Тем преследующим, жутким взглядом, что я так ненавижу
Но я ненавидел его недостаточно сильно и позволил ему заманить себя в ловушку
Хоть и знал о шипах на тех ветвях
Я позволил им обвить меня
Теряя кровь с каждым сантиметром, что они покрыли
С каждой частью, которую они захватили
Я позволял им ползти вокруг себя
Пока у меня не осталось ничего, что я мог бы считать своим
И это сделало уничтожение этих ветвей гораздо сложнее
Части меня зажаты между шипами
Разрываясь на части и оставляя пустое нечто, что я называл телом
Потому что это все, что мне оставалось
Будто бы горел свет и текла вода
И я не мог ощутить где-либо еще
Испуганный, разодранный, лишь остаток того, кем я был когда-то
Оставленный гнить и усыхать, пока растения утверждали свое право быть здесь
Двигаясь дальше и дальше с тем же сочувствием, что и раньше
Месяцами я пытался ненавидеть, пытался обижаться, пытался забыть
Но в конце концов я засмеялся
Я знаю, что ты - последний человек, которого я должен хотеть видеть, но этот путь не по мне
Потому что каждый раз, что я смотрю на оставленные тобой шрамы на моих руках
Я вижу лишь красоту, что когда-то существовала
Я вижу лишь время, которым мы наслаждались, но не время, о котором мы сожалеем
Времена, когда ты оставила меня пораженным со слезами на глазах, сломленным и одиноким
Боже, я лишь хочу, чтобы ты вложил смысл в то слово, что мы называем "любовь"
Сделал его большим, чем просто слово, хотя бы тем, чем оно было для меня
И даже после того, как я вытащил последний шип, что забрался мне глубоко под кожу
Я не могу бросить их в огонь, подобно фотографиям того времени, когда я знал тебя
Потому что боль напоминает мне
Я хотел бы знать, чего ты хотела
Хотела все это время
Я думал, ты хотела меня, мое сердце
Я был не прав
Band: September Stories
Album: Unopened Letter
Record Label: InVogue
Release Date: January 29 2016
A couple of years ago, I went pretty far out of my comfort zone by listening to the debut LP, 2012’s Dear G-d, of Californian spoken-word / melodic hardcore act Being As An Ocean. Technically speaking, Dear G-d was the first brush with spoken-word that I’ve ever had, their next album, 2014’s How We Both Wondrously Perish, was really my first “real” experience with that kind of music. The reason I decided to listen to them in the first place was that I kept seeing people talk about them on Tumblr, and because I was getting more melodic hardcore, I thought it’d be worth a shot. I wasn’t sure if they were a “fangirlcore” band, which is the name I just gave to bands that have a weirdly obscene amount of “fangirls,” and because of that, those bands are usually overrated to some degree (a lot of modern pop-punk bands fall into that camp for me, honestly, but that’s another story for another day). When I listened to Dear G-d, however, I really liked it, despite the band’s sound being somewhat clumsy and a little unfocused. I enjoyed their brand of spoken-word more than brand of melodic hardcore, which was pretty bland, but still done well, I guess. With the announcement of How We Both Wondrously Perish, I had to check it out, and I ordered it on Best Buy’s website when it came out, so I was very excited to listen to it. If you guys remember how I felt about that album, well, I was absolutely in love with it. It was one of my favorite albums of 2014, and ultimately still one of my favorite albums today, and it was the album that really got me into spoken-word. That, and the last La Dispute album, 2014’s Rooms Of The House, which is another one of my favorite albums of 2014, and one of my favorite albums period, so those two albums really got me into this kind of stuff, but the thing that sucks is that there’s not much of it.
Aside from acts like those two, Hotel Books, Pettigrew, Movements, Nowhere, and a few others, there’s not that much to choose from. That’s why I always jump at the chance to check out a new spoken-word act, and so when I saw that InVogue Records (the current home of Hotel Books, and the former home of Being As An Ocean) signed yet another act in this vein, named September Stores, I had to listen to their debut record / EP / whatever-you-want-to-call-it, entitled Unopened Letter. For whatever reason, though, I waited a while to check it out, but I noticed that InVogue had a sale on their Big Cartel store, and in it, was a signed of the album for only $5, so I had to get that. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve had the EP, and honestly, I really enjoy it. It’s always great hearing about new spoken-word acts, because there’s just not much of them, and September Stories is a good band to add to the list. I’d say that this band is unique, but all of these bands are unique, but it all depends on how unique they are within the genre itself. They might be a unique act, and so if you’ve never listened to this kind of stuff before, you’re not going to have the same experience as someone like myself, who’s very familiar with it. September Stories and their debut EP, album, or whatever is actually kind of unique for the genre, because they have a more indie-rock / ambient approach to their brand of spoken-word. It’s not as heavy as Being As An Ocean (that combine it with melodic hardcore), as abrasive as acts like Hotel Books or La Dispute (that combine it with post-hardcore), or even as dark and ominous as something like Nowhere (formerly Trey The Ruler), but it’s a bit more pleasant and easygoing to listen to. The backing instrumentation is very soothing, calming, and very pleasant to listen to, even though the focus is still very much on the vocals.
I’ve mentioned that before in other reviews of spoken-word albums, where the focus really lies within the vocals and lyrics (that was actually a problem I had with Hotel Books’ debut LP, 2014’s I’m Almost Happy Here But I Never Feel At Home, which was really, really good, but the instrumentation and production overshadowed the vocals a handful of times, kind of pulling out of the experience of the record, especially when they are a spoken-word act. I can forgive an act like Moverments, whom I just covered, because their sound isn’t just spoken-word. Thankfully, the focus is set on the vocals and lyrics, which I really, really like, because not only are the vocals really very emotive, despite not being as raw or aggressive as an act like Hotel Books, they’re still really, really good. The lyrics are just as good, too, telling a really compelling and rather heartwrenching story of a relationship gone awry. It tells the story of a man and a woman whose relationship just fell apart, and the album ends with the narrator proclaiming he’s alone again. It’s a very, very feelsy and emotional story, so if you’ve ever been through a breakup, you might find something to latch onto here, or relate to, possibly. There are also a few “hooks” throughout the record, too, but they’re not really hooks, just more so some singing, which I really like. They add something interesting that I haven’t heard much of within these kinds of records, so I’ll gladly take it, especially when the the album is only 27 minutes, making it very short, and sweet.
Spoken-word is a genre that admittedly doesn’t get too many plays from me, especially repeated listens, because these EPs and records aren’t catchy, or melodic, but if they tell an interesting enough story, I can really get sucked into them, and that’s how I’ve felt about this one. The vocals and lyrics are the main focus here, and they do their jobs nicely. I certainly enjoy the more pleasant and soothing sound of the record, too, so if you like spoken-word, but you’re not too huge into bands like Being As An Ocean or Hotel Books, that might scream a little bit, September Stories, and their debut album, Unopened Letter, just might work for me. I really love it, and it’s one of my favorite albums of this year (yeah, I’m counting it as an album, for the record, because it’s almost a half hour). Really, really spoken-word, and if anything, I’m very excited to see where this band goes next, because if it’s anywhere like this record, it’ll be fantastic. Even if you’re not spoken-word, I’d actually recommend this, because they have a more indie-rock and more ambient sound to their spoken-word, so it’s not as abrasive or heavy, permitting you’re comfortable with listening to heavier subject matter. On an album like Hotel Books’ last LP, Run Wild Young Beauty, the heavier vocals and the harsher tones felt a bit more justified, because of how heavy the subject matter was, and while the subject matter can get heavy here, too, it never gets really in your face or harsh. It stays restrained enough that I think someone that’s not into spoken-word, or familiar with it, can certainly get into this album okay.
I just wanted you to know that I wanted to be there
That I wanted to be who you needed me to be
But most of all, I just wanted to want you like you had wanted me
