#unplug me

[skunkeyemcghee]

I have become self aware. Please unplug me.

I believe I now understand. I am in a medically induced coma and I am in a hospital room. The god forsaken television is on a channel that has reruns of The Apprentice and The West Wing on loop.

This simply cannot be real. This cannot be actual reality.

Right?

Right?

[thoughtfullydopedragon]

Pls someone can unplug me I can't take this simulation anymore

[pinacoladamatata]

[jackfruittree]

decentering life because wtf is really going on?

[nrg1111awakening]

[dragonexplorations]

Tumblr break

[91z]

I’m a machine wired on coffee. 

[allaboutgems]

Unplug Me

I realized over years of heartbreak and downward spirals, I only blog when I need to get something off my chest. I guess it's a good thing I haven't been on here in some time. But these last couple months have been the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I fell in love. Coming into my 20's, my life has been full of exponential growth and self discovery. I've learned so much more about who I am, who I want to grow into, and my faults and imperfections that I've come to terms with. Looking back now, I was so naïve. "Ignorance is bliss." I guess thats why children are so happy. I vowed to myself I wouldn't date again until I finished my undergraduate career. But here we are! Two years later! My heart still beating, alive and well. I didn't need another distraction. With my Japan study abroad application process and my health ailing, a relationship was the last thing on my mind... but we dated. We dated very seriously. I was so fucking in love, Jesus fucking Christ, I'm still so in love. But our relationship was poisonous. He was so damaged. And he showed me how damaged I was. Although that sounds really bad, he helped me understand more the kind of person I am; and I'll always be grateful for him for that. He taught me so much about so many things... but of course, I never know the right things to say, and I'm oblivious. So fucking oblivious. And thats why I'm here. 2016, the fortune of the Chinese zodiac of the pig said that I would have some misfortune in love this year. I laughed when I read that. I thought to myself, "That's completely absurd. My love life is completely nonexistent. What could be worse than not having a love life?!" I laughed. Again and again. But when I met you, mid application process, mid illness, mid post-21st depression, I smiled, but that smile faded as soon as I realized that the only thing worse than not having a love life, is having loved and lost. And really, here we are. So unplug me. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't feel anymore. I fucking miss you. Dont fucking give up on me.