#unpottytraining

[errycupid]

"Yeah, um, no, going 24/7 really hasn't affected my control at all," I say with a strained smile, as I make a beeline to the nearest public restroom to deal with my third or fourth unintentionally full diaper in as many weeks.

[errycupid]

A Very Low-Key Nighttime Untraining Plan

I made a quip over on BlueSky recently about how I think most of the steps that a committed Little could take to make real progress towards starting to bedwet are probably actually just healthy sleep habits they ought to be doing anyway.

Of course, I have no idea whether that's true or not! I was mostly just being snarky at myself over my own poor bedtime practices, and I'm definitely not untrained at night, so I am the worst possible authority on the subject.

...but now I'm curious. So! Let's do an experiment:

1. The Plan

Between now and Oct. 4 (so, over the course of about eight weeks), I'm going to commit to taking a short list of steps to improve my sleep schedule and habits, with only a couple of additions focused specifically on encouraging overnight accidents. And then I'll record and journal about any noticeable changes to my nighttime control that result!

2. The Baseline

I'm going into this as someone who's very much not a bedwetter. As far as I can recall, I was consistently dry at night years before I even stopped having trouble with accidents during the day as a kid. And I've never regressed since then! (...on that front, anyway.) I've had a handful of nighttime accidents as an adult, but only under circumstances where I was sick, injured, or otherwise physically exhausted.

I've also had pretty bad, though not like clinically problematic, sleep habits for most of my life. I get ~5-6 hours of sleep most nights during the week, keep consistently inconsistent hours, and usually have at least one night per week where I totally blow my sleep schedule up by losing track of time on something involving a screen. I compensate by sleeping in way too long on weekends.

On the other side of the balance, I've been in diapers 24/7 for several years and generally try to avoid holding it unless I'm worried about causing others discomfort from potential leaks or smells. I'd say my continence is still overall basically normal, but I do have rare messy accidents and would guess my ability to comfortably hold my bladder for long periods has decreased over time since I went back to diapers.

3. The Rules

While this little experiment is running, I will:

Set and keep a strict and consistent bedtime / rising time that allows for a full 8 hours of sleep.

I'm going to go with 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. as the default here. I have to be tucked into bed and settled in to sleep at the former time and awake and up directly at the latter.

"Strict" means that exceptions are only allowed if practically necessary for some kind of commitment outside my control. Otherwise, staying out or up late just isn't allowed; it's past my bedtime.

Build a 1-hour "wind-down" period into my nightly routine.

Trying to crash directly into bed while my brain's still going full speed is just asking for trouble. So, bedtime comes with a 1-hour buffer, starting at 9 p.m. to begin with. After that point, no work or screentime, lights get dimmed, and any devices go up and out of reach of my bed. I can do whatever else I want during this time, but bonus points for reading quietly.

Keep my bed comfy and protected.

My bed each night needs to be as cozily made as if I were planning to share it with guests. Clean sheets and a cover are a must, as are at least two layers of protection against leaks--a washable bedmat and a full mattress cover beneath the sheets.

Wear comfy and consistent PJs.

No sleeping in my workclothes or crashing into bed in a daytime diaper overdue for a change. Bedtime means changing into either a dry Megamax(/comparable disposable) or clean cloth diapers with protective pants, plus at least a comfy PJ top. PJ bottoms, onesies, and/or sleepers are acceptable but not mandatory.

Hydrate reasonably and with a little extra help.

I'll drink a glass or bottle of water during my wind-down period, plus a mug of dandelion tea. No trying to overhydrate, and no alcohol before bed.

Don't hold it while tucked in.

If I feel like I need to go while in bed, I will. I won't stress over waking up wet vs. dry, but, if I wake up still needing to go, I'll do so before I get up.

Track my progress!

I'll journal for my own purposes each day and try to put together a weekly update here!

4. The Goal

I don't expect dramatic progress from the routine above, honestly. Any noticeable movement towards feeling like diapers are a necessary precaution at night would count as a success in my book. Failing that, hopefully I'll have at least used a silly kink to trick myself into getting better sleep!

[errycupid]

A Very Low-Key Nighttime Untraining Plan - Week 1

Officially through the first week of my silly bedtime experiment!

Probably the biggest thing to report is that I did, miraculously, actually stick to the rules I set for (basically) the whole week. (Mostly.) I ended up heading to bed like fifteen minutes late one night, and today I woke up unaccountably early and then dozed back off until hours too late. But, past that, I've been solid about sticking to the new schedule.

It's been a bit of an odd experience, so far! When the little routine works naturally, it is really nice. The first couple nights, I turned in right on time, read Finn Family Moomintroll (which is peak bedtime story material!), and then drifted right off to sleep. I woke up feeling super refreshed each time, too. (...it turns out getting a full night's sleep helps with that!)

But I am also used to just waiting for fatigue to hit before conking out 3-4 hours before I need to get up, and when sleep doesn't come right away it can feel very nervy trying to force it! The extra cozy nights were balanced out by a few where I just bubbled with stress over work stuff, trying to doze off, and had to actively force myself not to get up to distract myself from it.

Maybe coincidentally, those were also nights where I was less self-conscious about settling in and snuggling up and more just dropped everything at 9 p.m. and read some House of Leaves. (Which I would rate... less highly as a bedtime classic.)

I also hadn't fully appreciated how much not staying up into the wee hours would curtail my free time on workdays. I basically get ~3.5 hours between getting home and wind-down time, so if I want to do anything productive there's a very narrow window. I might have to try to finagle my schedule to adjust for that, if I'm going to stick to this plan.

As far as the kinky goal of the whole project, there's very little to say yet, which is not surprising just one week in. I've realized that my body isn't really accustomed to just letting go in bed, even fully protected, so presumably that's the first hurdle to get over. I've wet my bedtime diapers both before dozing off and right after just about every night thus far, but doing so without sitting up and really thinking about it wasn't easy.

No overnight accidents to report, obvs., though on Day 2 I did wake up, go what felt like only a little, and then check to find that I was actually pretty soaked. I'm reasonably sure I just woke up and went during the night or else was still groggy enough on waking that I didn't realize how full my bladder was? But, anyway, that was as close as I came to any morning surprises!

I think the two tweaks I'm going to aim for this week are to try 1) specifically keep bedtime to cozy, Little-slanted time, with grown-up materials and concerns fully set aside for the night, and 2) to get in more exercise during the day, to see if that helps me be properly tuckered out come bedtime.

I'll report back next week!

[errycupid]

Poopypants

((Cut for discussion of IRL messy diapers and such.))

A thing that's sunk in for me lately is just how habituated I've gotten to messy diapers.

I've always had kind of an ambivalent relationship with messing. I've never been into the act or the sensation itself, and when I first went 24/7 avoiding it was the one big asterisk I allowed myself, because cleaning up after actively grossed me out. When I pulled the trigger on trying to use my diapers for everything, it was mainly because the attraction of having to use my diapers for everything outweighed my iffy feelings about it in practice.

Over time, I definitely noticed the aversion side of things dwindling. Clean-up is still icky and something I hurry to get through as quickly and thoroughly as possible. But it stopped being the active "Ew, ew, eww...!" kinda experience that it was at first over time, which seemed natural enough.

And the thing that makes me feel funniest about it is that it's literally never a self-conscious "Oh, what if I didn't change..." thing. It's not something I've even thought about much, until I noticed it happening a lot this particular week. It's just...I'm busy or tired or distracted, and dealing with my dirty diaper doesn't rank on the list of priorities. (Realizing how little warning I usually get before I need to go hasn't helped with this, but that's another subject.)

What's snuck up on me lately, though, is how normalized being messy has gotten for me. In public, obviously, I hurry to change and do my best to avoid it when anyone might notice. But in private it's become unremarkable for me to be in the middle of something, pause to fill my diaper, only to try to get comfy and go right back to whatever I was focused on. Reading, playing games...napping, a few more times than I'd like to admit.

Fortunately, I am still responsible about taking care of my skin, so I'm not putting off getting changed for an unhealthily long time or anything. But it has definitely made me feel some type of way to realize that I've turned myself into the type of Little/Middle where, if taking care of my own changes wasn't on my list of responsibilities, my caregiver would absolutely have to worry about me waddling around with loaded pants unless they kept a close eye on me.

Like, being uncomfortable in a yucky diaper and asking to be changed is supposed to be one of the big signs of potty-training readiness, and I don't entirely check that box, anymore...

[diaperloverpt]

Olá a todos,

Devem-se estar a perguntar como vai esta nova experiência da minha vida e como tal venho vos contar como está a ser esta primeira semana.

Começo por vos dizer que não sou uma pessoa de redes sociais, pelo que peço que percebam alguma ausência. Eu sou uma pessoa que prefere viver fora do digital em que as nossas histórias são contadas ao vivo e a cores com as pessoas que nos são próximas. Dessa forma criam-se momentos e constroem se amizades e relações. É o meu lema de vida, não significa isto que seja melhor ou pior, mas apenas a forma como gosto de encarar o mundo e viver a minha vida.

Posto isto, esta semana tem sido interessante pois estou me a adaptar a uma vida só de fralda em que o objetivo é com o tempo só precisar da sanita para fazer o número 2 apenas. Claro que vai levar tempo e tenho de me mentalizar que é um processo que leva o seu tempo.

No trabalho já contei que estou a usar pois preciso neste momento e os colegas/chefia foram compreensíveis, o que era de esperar tendo em conta que não sabem a verdadeira razão de eu usar fralda não é. Com o tempo irei contar a mais pessoas mas só o farei quando a situação assim o exigir ou fizer sentido.

Esta próxima semana vou ter uma consulta de urologia em que vou explicar ao médico que tenho problemas de incontinência e que preciso e estou a usar fralda neste momento. Estou um pouco ansioso, mas é normal, acho eu.

Deixo-vos por agora e já sabem que estão à vontade para me fazer perguntas 😃

Até a próxima.

----------------------------------------------------------

Hi everyone,

You must be wondering how this new experience in my life is going, so I'm here to tell you how this first week has been.

Let me start by saying that I'm not a social media person, so please understand some of my absence. I'm someone who prefers to live outside the digital world, where our stories are told and lived in person with the people close to us. That's how great moments are made and friendships and relationships are built. It's my life motto; it doesn't mean it's better or worse, but simply how I like to see the world and choose to live my life.

That being said, this week has been interesting as I'm adapting to a life in diapers only, where the goal is to eventually only need the toilet for the number two. Of course, it will take time, and I have to mentally prepare myself that it's a process that takes time.

At work I've already explained that I'm using diapers because I need to right now, and my colleagues/supervisors were understanding, which was to be expected considering they don't know the real reason I'm wearing them. In time I'll tell more people, but only when the situation demands it or it makes sense.

This next week I have a urology appointment where I'll explain to the doctor that I have incontinence problems and that I need to, and I am currently, using diapers. I'm a little anxious, but I think that's normal.

I'll leave you for now, and you know you're welcome to ask me any questions.

Until next time.

[un-dry]

Just A Month (JAM) #0.5 — Change of Plans

So… I made a mistake.

A few days ago, while ordering supplies to get ready for the challenge, I purchased @hypnocatabdl ‘s “The Incontinence Spiral” hypnosis session. I hadn’t intended to start the challenge until the first of the month, but let’s just say my curiosity got the better of me and I gave it a listen. I shouldn’t have done that.

Unbeknownst to me, the file comes with a catch to make sure you stay diapered: the moment you put on a pair of underwear, you will become progressively desperate to wet and mess yourself until you have an accident. Likewise, you’ll be unable to make it to the bathroom as the sight of a toilet causes an instant accident before you can take your trousers off. I was in a diaper when listening to the file, and for safety’s sake I’ve been too worried about having an accident in underwear to wear any since then. That means I’ve been 24/7 since Friday night, four days earlier than my intended start of the challenge.

Something I’d imagined becoming a hinderance to the challenge was the prospect of wearing in front of friends, which is why I’d carved out the allowance for three pairs of underwear. The weekend after Friday’s hypnosis, I’d been scheduled for two picnics with friends… I wound up going diapered to both. And guess what— to my knowledge, nobody noticed. You can say that this has been pretty effective exposure therapy, since the thing I thought would keep me out of diapers wound up to be a moot force.

Likewise… I’ve, um… messed myself fully for the first time today. Previously, I’ve been to shy to go further than slightly staining the rear of my diaper, making it unsuitable as a long term thing since I’d always get uncomfortable constipation during an extended period 24/7. I have to say, it felt pretty good… and cleanup wasn’t as dramatic as I’d imagined. Since Friday, I’ve been listening to the file daily, not thinking it was having much effect. Looks like I was pretty wrong about that.

I guess I don’t really need those underwear after all, right? Which means… I’ve gone ahead and cut them all up.

This is seriously a moment I’ve been dreaming of for years.

As of right now, I don’t own any underwear. I’m in diapers for the foreseeable future and I can’t back out.

It’s hard to describe what a thrill it is to write those words. It’s looking like things are going stronger than I’d anticipated to begin with, the thought of which really makes me blush. Stay tuned to see how things go… this might just get a little out of hand.

[un-dry]

Just a Month (JAM) #0

So...

I moved house recently and suddenly have a fair deal more privacy and autonomy than I did before. Likewise, April is typically one of my least favourite months, so doing something fun for its duration would make it a lot better. I've had a long-running interest in untraining, but the longest I've gone 24/7 was roughly one week before losing steam. I've been thinking a lot about my psychology and making myself the best environment I can for my goals on other projects, and finding out a lot about what works for me.

All this to say... I've decided to go 24/7 and actively untrain for the next month. At the end, I can go back to underwear. Just a month couldn't hurt my control that much... right?

Psychology

How will I stop myself from backing out this time?

Three ways: Leeway, Circumstance, and a deadline. Previously, I've been prevented by being too much of a hard-liner, taking the first return to underwear as a mark of failure. I've learnt that that kind of absolutism only scuppers a habit-forming goal, so I'll need to both discourage underwear usage and build a certain amount into the system.

On April 1st, I will be taking my fabric shears and destroying all but three pairs of my underwear. For the next month, those pairs will be the only ones I can use, but after the day that I choose to wear them I must destroy them too. This means that each time I choose to wear underwear, I'll be consuming an opportunity in which I might need them later in the month.

Further– I'll purchase some pads that must be worn under them, so the 'kayfabe' of having control issues doesn't disappear. (Depending on how things go, they could be useful once the challenge is over as well).

Once the challenge is over, I will purchase a new set of underwear. This is another way the challenge remains 'sticky' – if I want to back out, I'll need to pay up and wait a few days for delivery.

How will I untrain?

Let's use myself as a guinea pig to test how effective 'permanent' hypnosis really is. Every day, I'll listen to @hypnocatabdl 's 90-minute Incontinence Spiral file, which is supposedly maximally effective at 30 days. Once the month is over, we'll find out whether my accidents have become genuine or not. I'll hold on to some pads just in case – I might be needing them.

Otherwise, I'll keep well hydrated, carry changes, cream, and trash bags with me, and try to wet the moment I feel the urge.

Keeping Track

I'll keep myself accountable by updating this blog with entries on the process every week. Likewise, I'll perform a quantitative test once the month is over, timing the difference in time between drinking a glass of water and being forced to use the bathroom or risk leaking. This will be a good indicator of my bladder's volume reduction and habituation, if any changes do occur after a month. Testing currently with an empty bladder followed by a tall glass of water my ability to hold is a maximum of 2 hours 37 mins.

Predictions

Consider this an experiment on how effective a single month of untraining can be. Even if the psychological effects are minimal, I'll discover what effect a month of habituation will have on my lasting toilet habits.

At minimum, I'll go back to normal with no change. At a mid level of effect, my bladder will shrink and muscles weaken, and I'll need to use the bathroom more regularly. At a high level of effect, I'll be at risk of wetting myself on a daily basis, and need to retrain. And that's not to mention the potential psychological effects of daily hypnosis, habituation, and desensitization.

Just a month couldn't hurt that much... Right?

[errycupid]

A Very Low-Key Nighttime Untraining Plan - Week 1(b) Wrap

Well, not exactly a glorious (second) start to this experiment.

This past week definitely involved a fair amount of inertia in getting myself back on my intended training regimen. I did an okay (though not perfect) job of getting to bed on time most days, but a much worse one of baking in my pre-bedtime routine beforehand each night. My brain is still very used to just running until it's ready to shut off, instead of winding down naturally, and for some reason that was harder to switch gears on than at the start of my last attempt.

(It is very annoying that building good habits requires you to actually, like, spend energy building habits! I would be much more effective if someone just marched me off to the changing table and then to bed on a fixed schedule each night.)

Unsurprisingly, not a lot of interest to report as a result! I do think my body's default mode is already pretty acclimated to using my diapers in bed, at this point, and I was soggy by the time I got up each day this past week. But also those were all fully conscious "accidents," so.

Anyway, bottom line, I'm counting this past week as a baseline-setting dry run of sorts. (Hah.) I'm unfortunately stuck with travel messing with my routine later this week, but otherwise I'm going to do my best to be more strict with myself!

Hopefully I can at least say I checked all the boxes on my rules come next week, and then I can start thinking about how to help reinforce stuff from there.